I must confess that when my arm was in the splint it was too hard to type so i had to let blogging go for two weeks! So now i wanted to finish up!
Week 8- When you just Want To Give Up
Well I must have to say that this has been an encouraging chapter!
Have I felt this way? Most certainly, and it wasn’t all that long ago either!
Actually, there is a blog post entitled “Getting Ugly” that came out of that dark time. You see a battle has been waged in our home. That battle nearly consumed me. It is a battle that started in October of 2012, with no warning!
It brought to light my weaknesses and every area I felt as though I was failing in. God had been chipping away at some very deep scars. Ones I had been hiding deep in my heart…..ones that I will not share here. I was struggling. I felt as though there was absolutely no where to turn!
I felt so incredibly alone and as though I had to wage this battle alone. It involved our third child, our second son. Something obviously changed in October. We started seeing and hearing things we had never seen or heard before. I was so embarrassed and scared. Not necessarily for myself but for my husband! We are a pastor’s family…..what would people think if they heard the pastor’s son say that? He could loose his job. I was SOOOOO worried about appearances!
I had downloaded a free copy of Hope For A Weary Mom back when it was first released. I thought to myself, “i’ll just add it to the ever mounting collection on my kindle”. Well in January God really started moving my heart. I was thinking about this book quite a few times in a day so I began to read. I joined in on the reading club even though i was a month behind. I was caught up by week 5. As i read chapter 2 i was sobbing uncontrollably. That last chunk fell to the ground and shattered to the tiniest pieces. It was called “when Your Weakness Is all You Can See”. Boy oh boy did that fit little old me, you see I had convinced myself that I was unworthy to sit before my Heavenly Father because I wasn’t good enough. I was failing in EVERYTHING!
Since that day when I fell to my knees and gave it all over to God, and confessed my struggles with feeling inadequate in literally every area of my life, God has blessed! Mostly in my confidence! My confidence to share our struggles as a parent of a child on the autism spectrum. I have always believed that if God gives you a story, you need to share it! My life has been nothing short of one HUGE amazing story to share. And as that chunk of inadequacy fell to the ground, so did my fear of not being good enough. Because the only person I truly have to impress is God himself. By myself I am not enough, but because the blood of Christ cleansed me from all imperfections (though i am very much still imperfect) I AM ENOUGH!
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