Things have been kinda quiet around here over the last few weeks! Sorry about that…nothing earth shattering, just different focus. But I think over the last few weeks I have spent a lot of time thinking about our family and the journey and transformation God has taken us through! Hubby and I are fast approaching our 11 year anniversary! It seems as though it was yesterday that we were standing before our pastor and he was asking “who gives this mam?” And I was spilling hot wax up my bare arm during the candle ceremony. No it wasn’t a perfect ceremony, but during those moments I spoke the most important vow I have ever made, outside of dedicating my life to Christ. And that was to help and support my husband in what he set out to do. Have I always been supportive? Nope, I’m human! Selfishness creeps in. And I can convince myself ” I deserve…….” You can fill in the blank!
Most of our married life hubby has been in school. The first 3 years hubby was working on his M.Div. (master of Divinity) we didn’t have a baby until the end. Then hubby did his internship for a year, worked full time and was a part time associate pastor. During that year we welcomed baby number two. Hubby then started a doctoral degree but as we felt God leading us into full time ministry he took a leave of absence . But during that leave of absence he started on his Th.M. I was now expecting baby #3. Who was due smack in the middle of his first semester! Oh and did I mention that this school was 6 hours away and the first year HAD to be on campus. And during this time we started the candidation process that led us from New York to Ohio, Illinois , NYC, AND EVEN TO Florida. On a couple of Occaisions hubby would have to haul all of us out to one state for school, then go to whatever state we were candidaating in, then back to the school state, then back home to NY all while holding down that same full time job, and the same part time associate pastor job! Outside of the Grace of God I’m not quite sure how we made it through the three years! Yep! THREE! The first two were without kids! That was easy!
So five years into our marriage we took a full time pastorate at the church we now call home! Two years in we welcomed baby four. All the while hubby was taking online classes and summer modules to finish his Th.M. Then three years ago we decided to finish up his doctorate, except since we lived nearly 3 hours away it was going to be very difficult , so he opted to turn it into a masters degree in Linguistics (my hubby is one very smart cookie). So then for a year he commuted twice a week. Then life happened. We bought our own home, so he took a leave of absence and planned to return to finish the next year, BUT THEN LIFE HAPPENED AGAIN. Last year was what I would call a defining year for our family…..it just so happened to also mark our ten year anniversary! Our third child who at the time was 4 digressed to what doctors now classify as an 18 month level. And we fought through muck acnd mire of red tape, insensitive people, and an amazing walk with God! And a diagnosis of Autism. But it left us with yet again another leave of absence! So this year, this semester hubby is taking his last two classes!
On this journey we have gone through so many stages……infants right up to *GULP* school aged kids ( ok so #4 starts pre-k next year). But through this journey we as a family have learned so many lessons! And each new phase holds a new lesson to be learned.
In the infant phase:
- We hired two different girls to be a moms help. It really helped because I was very pregnant with baby #3. They were there in case I needed to go to the hospital ( my in-laws only live 2 miles away). I got to spend time with the kids during the day and then when the girls came they played with the kids while I did chores and then it also gave me someone who could hold a tangible conversation with!
- It taught my kids to be flexible from a young age. Just about anybody could watch them with little to no trouble.
- Hubby learned the importance of taking time for the rest of us, even in the midst of craziness…and that is exactly what we lived in.
- This is probably the hardest phase on all counts since we had 4 kids in 5 years they have been in similar phases of life. This has it’s pluses and minuses! I love having my kids close together 99% of the time…..that other 1% falls into this category! But more on that in another post! For me this was the hardest! And the craziest! Especially during the winter months. It seemed I went from one crazy instance to another…..during that time we had stitches in a forehead, I broke my finger right after #4 was born and then a year or so later the tip of a finger of the youngest cut off! (It was saved, but boy how crazy)
- This was also the hardest time for the kids! Mostly because they were too little to understand why daddy isn’t home yet….you have to answer questions like ” is daddy ever coming home” and so on. They don’t understand time and have no patience. We modified bedtimes because we didn’t yet have to worry about school! They spent many a night conked out next to daddy in a chair 5 minutes into the movie they just had to see with him, but that meant the world to them.
- Hubby learned that it’s not large amounts of time spent with us. It’s horsey back rides, a quick pillow fight, or tickle matches.
- This honestly has been the easiest…lol outside of the first week! I was being tried that first week and hopefully I passed! We definitely have a routine and the kids minus #4 have school that takes up most of their days. I have learned to rely on others for help. Like the first week, hubby was at school, the very first day and our dog was close to not making it! Matter of fact, her diagnosis wasn’t good either but I had to rely on someone to help me get her to the vet. Then there was the same week the two oldest were in a car accident and were fine but I then needed to find them a ride home from school. I think God wanted me to understand that it was ok to ask for help and we took care of that right up front ! I have learned preservence! I have learned patience! I have learned to communicate! I have learned to serve others…mostly my family but others as well. Sickness doesn’t have to define my day! And most importantly that my attitude sets the tone! If I’m grumpy so is everyone else!
- The kids have learned that despite all of the busyness that this isn’t going to be this way forever. That daddy loves them and that daddy knows they need him. They are more patient. They are more understanding!
- Hubby has learned it’s ok to skip a day of school to fulfill a need! He has gained a deeper sensitivity to the needs of our family and he understands that I need to hear his praise that I kept the kids alive and happy and the house standing and mostly clean :). He also has learned to take tiny amounts of time and make them special kid times.It’s very important for all of us to continue to grow and learn, and that is the same for my husband but if our family is not taken care of then bettering oneself is worthless. Family always needs to be a priority!
