I know it’s been a long time and very sporatic at bestl
I’ve opened the app and the site sat and stared not knowing where to begin. I want my writing to be impactful and full of purpose but in the same respect I have just lost the joy of writing in this space like when I started writing here nearly 17 years ago.
A few weeks ago I really started contemplating why this was. it came down to a few things. Those things are:
l. When I started blogging it was simple. It was just me and my thoughts and a computer. Now when I write l create an image l fill out SEO stuff and I get lost in the tiny details. It’s all necessary and important but those details drastically suck the joy out of the writing process for me.
2. The expectations of my own writing and the perceived expectations of others. Over time as my writing has changed and growsn I seem to think that every writing piece needs to resemble some big work of spiritual art. The reality is that can’t always happen. Some days are yucky and Hard. I have nothing profound to say just the realness of my heart. THAT has been criticized in the past. There are people who didn’t like my being real with where I was. (That’s about to change). Keeping up of appearances is one of the things that needs to change, especially amongst Christians. God writes our story. He helps us through it and yet we don’t tell the how. We just put on a smile and say “Im all good” and no one is any the wiser, and the work of God in our hearts, minds and lives goes unused to help that person who may be having sleepless nights, falling tears and loneliness.
3. Criticism. I’ve said it before and I will say it again. I struggle with people pleasing and I have done a whole lot of recovering from that over the last two years. This past September I had to write a victim impact statement which got turned in to a federal court judge. A few days later I found myself sitting in a Federal Court before that same judge next to one of the most obnoxious defense attorneys. I read my statement. What happened next was…..frustrating to say the least. More criticism. I’m going to write more about this in the coming months. Walking away from that day I said well if I can face that nothing will phase me. Still……I chose silence.
I’m sure if I sat here I could think of a bunch more things. But those are the Bigs ones. I gave up on the things that I loved and that made me feel the most alive and connected to God. So now what?
For now Im going back to what worked at the very beginning. Bits and pieces of my life shared. Thoughts, questions fun pictures. Some days I won’t use SEO. Some days I will just write to heal, write to breathe, write to process. I’m not writing for you the reader. If along the way you like what Ive written….GREAT! If along the way God uses what I have written to impact you in some way…..AMHAZING. IF GOD USES MY WRITING TO HELP YOU GROW CLOSER TO HIM…..PRAISE HIM. In the meantime I will be sitting over here sipping my coffee, praying, reading and enjoying the process
Thanks for joining me on my journey of faith.
