The very first thing you learn when you become a mom is…..EVERYONE knows better than you do about your child! And it’s rare to come across people who will say things like…
“I only give my opinion if asked” (and actually stick to it)
Or
“Or just tell me how I can help”
If you find these people KEEP THEM CLOSE!
The funny thing is that the moment you share with people that something is wrong with your kid the know-it-alls in your world magically become immediate experts in whatever crisis it is you are facing….when in reality all you really need is a hug and the two above statements backed up with ACTION!
So as we have been on a knowledgable journey of autism for the last 20 months. I have run into all kinds of experts. Experts both with and Witout medical degrees…..experts who truly know what they are talking about, and self-proclaiming experts that read something on the internet and are just blowing smoke!
They come in all shapes and sizes! In all sorts of careers….let me ask you this…..DO YOU HAVE TO HAVE A MEDICAL DEGREE TO BE AN EXPERT ON AUTISM/ADHD. Or any illness for that matter?
NOT A CHANCE.
AND
Does it mean that just because a a person has a medical degree that they are an expert, or even understand autism?
NOT A CHANCE!!!
I’m quickly becoming an expert in the land of Weasel(our autistic son). I’m not an expert in all autistic kids.
My friend Noelle put it this way to me “You MUST. Become a student of…..” And it’s so true! The trigger foods my son has will not be the same as the next kids, though there are common ones like red food dye (or any food dye) and then there are kid specific ones like cinnamon! And in reality we should all be students of our children. Knowing their fears, desires, joys! The things they like!
For example
Tornado: loves history just like daddy and mommy, specifically the civil war era. And has since he was 4 or 5. He loves art and music. He wants to learn!
Ladybug…the lover of pretty things, a girly girl through and through BUT NOT AFRAID TO GET DIRTY 🙂
She loves horses and longs to have her own. She loves to color, paint her nails and play dress up.
Weasel- a little boy who is showing much promise in art and is almost completely pitch perfect. He loves anything tiny and is afraid of windows (NO JOKE)
Little bean- Mr. Independence, super cuddly, love rescue bots and Jake and the Neverlad Pirates and choo choo trains. Loves almost all animals except mice and any bug to which he screams like a girl and hides (he is 4 people!)
I intentionally left off struggles for this reason, we as a family believe children need to feel safe in their home and that means their personal struggles stay within our family! Anything outside of that is not making our home a safe haven!
So then what about the title? Well all the above is stated because being a student of your child is helpful in knowing who is just blowing smoke!!
So I’m going to put the ADHD question to rest here…..
Yesterday (6/20) we drove across the state for Weasel’s Neurology appointment to address two concerns
1. siezures activity
2. ADHD (this was requested not by us but by the Evaluation center who diagnosed Wesel’s autism)
So here’s the outcome
1. Siezures inconclusive…siezures and autism go hand in hand BUT even though he has some signs not all are there like rigid ness and eyes OPE During the behaviors as he sleeps. We are to keep our eyes open for these things (pun Not intended). Also the spell from September where he fell out of his chair at school would be deemed a fainting spell. Faints go limp siezures=Stiffness. The faint could be from a drop in blood sugar, a drop in blood pressure or any other number of things!
2. ADHD – Negative. Autism and ADHD share some similarities and it is not uncommon for an autistic child to have both! And I am here to tell you as a once self-proclaimed expert that I was dead wrong. ADHD is a VERY real NEUROLOGICAL disorder. Though our son does not have it, it is something families deal and struggle with. Is it misdiagnosed absolutely, and our son was almost one of those misdiagnosed….misdiagnosed by church families, family members, a bus driver and a doctor! (Let’s just put an end to the misnomer that ADHD =excessive energy! That is False)
And in closing I just want to say this, as a parent of a special needs kid, it is my desire for my child to be loved and accepted! I am aware not everyone will do that. I know that people who take the name of Christ and claim it as their identity will act as though they themselves have never experienced the love and grace of Christ. It’s a sad testament that over the last few months I have read heart wrenching stories of special needs kids being kicked our of church nurseries and Sunday Schools all over the country. Act like Jesus….if you are going to take his name CHRISTian you better put forth the effort to LOVE LIKE HE DID, SACRIFICE HE DID, ACCEPT LIKE HE DID, One of the biggest blessings you could ever receive is to have a special needs kid! Yep, I just said that!
I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, and no I don’t know your circumstances. But I do know that God exhorts us to
“Give thanks in ALL circumstances” 1Thess 5:18
AND
“Rejoice in The Lord ALWAYS,” 1 Thess. 6.16
SO THAT BEING SAID Here is how special needs changed this mama!
1. I know now that a screaming kid in a grocery store is not necessarily the product of bad parenting.
2. It is my job to fight for my child…whether that is mistreatment, or for services needed.
3. Being able (and willing) to put ourselves inside his world. This takes practice and patience and a lot of reading between the lines, but if you do this you can eventually see things in other kids who come into your sphere. So yes kids don’t have the same anxiety or fear, but you can take the skills learned from entering your child’s world, and begin to enter another child’s world. (THIS ONE THING GIVES YOU THE ABILITY TO REACH OUT NOT JUST TO THE KIDS BUT TO PARENTS AND SIBLINGS).
4. Just like any major illness, you become painfully aware of precious time. Before we ever found out that weasel was autistic we have to call 911 three different times. Poison control more times than I care to remember, and our doctor for some very strange things….namely eating things that shouldn’t be eaten! (A sign of autism) go figure!
So as you can see despite all the negatives we have experienced there are bright spots…..they are sometimes sproartic…and sometimes show up in a plethora, but no matter what keep your eyes open, search for them. I promise they will show up in AMAZING WAYS,
