Tag: Transparent

Write 31 Days- Day 13- A time to be Transparent

Posted on by Mary

Transparent

Transparent?   Taking my Own Advice

So in case you were wondering YES I am behind on this writing challenge…AND THAT”S OK!!!  But it’s time to be transparent. And if you have been with me since the beginning you know we talked about  Esther’s influential attribute  of transparency on Day 6.  I have been silent on my blog, not just on this writing challenge since day 13.  This was not my plan.   I wish I could define it.  The long and the short of it is this though the last 3 months have been a full on attack from the father of lies.

During this time I have been in God’s word.  ALMOST EVERY. DAY.    Just because we are doing the “Christian-y” thing to do, does not mean that Satan’s darts won’t fly at us.  Matter of fact it puts an even bigger target on our backs.

Opening My Eyes to What’s Really going on

Just around the time I hit day 13 of this Challenge I began this devotional with a lady in our church.  It’s a very low key situation.  We are keeping each other accountable, but it’s pretty much all via text message.  Both of us are introverts and texting works great for the two of us.  We have talked about our challenges and how we have grown and how we are being stretched through the process.  And depending on the specific challenge we will text each other pictures of drawings and the like. (THERE WEE NO VIDEOS OR PICS OF THE DANCE PARTY- Sorry but not sorry)

transparent

But something began to happen.  I don’t know as to how or what specifically happened but my drive to write for this challenge died…like dead away.  I would sit  here at my desk and stare at the computer screen and then I would get up and walk away.  Nobody was reading my stuff anyway!

And then I hit week two of this study Courageous Creative- Act 2 as she calls it!  And it is all about Creativity KILLERS!  OH BOY!!

So far we have studied 5 out of the 8 killers of  creativity.  Out of the 5, four have played a major part of my last two weeks..

#1- People Pleasing

I already gave you a hint as to one of them and it just happened to be todays lesson. PEOPLE PLEASING.  Yep I am one.  This does not shock me, I know this is a real struggle in my life and I know that this is a constant problem for me,  what I didn’t realize is that it is SLOWLY killing my creativity.

The reality is this:  I need to write, paint, sew, create for  God- NOT for man ( or woman).  When I pour myself into creativity it needs to be focused on God, not what others think of it.  SOOOO who cares if no one reads this.  This is what God has given me to say, so I choose obedience over views, likes, shares and comments.

This also translates into many areas in my life not just this one.

#2-Fear

I think this second one and people pleasing actually play a connected role at least for me.

I have this constant fear that I am going to offend someone with what I write.  Yes this stems from a circumstance that happened a few years ago and then I virtually became silent here and other places.   I have let that fear control me.  I didn’t do anything wrong then.  I was blameless, but Satan  had a foothold that would last years and I began to find myself thinking ” well what if I make someone mad?”   The problem is this, I am writing about God’s word and that is offensive to others.. EVEN to Christians, especially if it is something they don’t want to hear- something that might be convicting them of sin in their own lives.  it’s called “stepping on tocs” in church-ese.   I have purple toes as I have been reading a lot as of late.   Three out of the four devotionals have been beating ALL of these areas AND none of them are connected.

I am warned in Scripture that this will happen.  It happened to Jesus ALL. THE. TIME. because the gospel is offensive.  God’s word is. offensive.  It is as they say “sharper  than any two-edged sword”.

In reality I don’t need to fear what might offend someone as long as I am blameless before God in the things I do and say (or write for that matter).

Rules and Regulations

The third thing is this RULES AND REGULATIONS!  ( I am a mom, Rules and regulations are my jam) Yeah, we set all sorts of crazy rules and boundaries on our kids.  We expect them to be little adults all the time.  I do this a lot without realizing it.   We are unrealistic with them.

In scripture the disciples are trying their very best to “protect” a weary Jesus by keeping children away from Him.  When Jesus catches on He says, ” let the little children come to me”. He doesn’t care that they are full of energy, wiggling, running, and being loud.  Because Jesus understood something that most “mature adults” don’t. Children have reckless faith.   They love unconditionally.  They believe without restraint.  They care far deeper than most adults.  Do you know how they get to be stoic non-emotional adults?They get that way because WE stuff their little  boundless bodies into an adult sized chair and make them behave according to our wise ways.

Today I had to answer hard questions for my kids.

Questions like:  Why doesn’t so and so like me?  they said they love me but then they treat me  in bad ways.  That’s not how you show someone you love them!  (out of the mouths babes)

Then we had to answer why so and so has cancer, and watch a child’s sad eyes as they realized the reality.  Tears filled their eyes as they  were moved to tears.  As we stood praying for lunch, hearing one child praying for this person, and then themselves, that they would become more loving and kind.   My heart broke.  They aren’t perfect, they know that and yet their hearts break in ways most adults hold back.

And so today I have chosen to let my children be children.   They do not have a greater responsibility because they are pastor’s kids, they have a greater responsibility because they are believers and followers of Jesus. And to other’s dismay that doesn’t only mean in the behavior department.  They have the great and mighty task to show us adults how  to love unconditionally, how to abound in grace and mercy, how to forgive without holding a grudge and to break all bounds in social standings.  Telling someone they are beautiful when they smile, telling them they love them, hugs and grace, no matter the circumstance.  THAT is their responsibility and from where I stand, sit, walk and worship the kids in our church are knocking THIER responsibilities out of the park.  It’s we adults who are failing miserably.We need to take a lesson from  these kids how to live with reckless abandon.  I want to be more like them when I grow up!

#4-Stress

And the last thing in this devotional so far that I am struggling with is STRESS!  We constantly say we need to de-stress but as the author points out it’s not about getting rid of stress, we can’t it is a apart of life.  It is WHAT we do with that stress that counts.

What do you choose to do with stress when it comes?  I can tell you what I do. I grumble, complain, and eat chocolate !!!!  And then if that doesn’t solve it (hint it never does) I finally take it too God.  I have been on this earth for 38 1/2 years. I have been a believer for 34 of them, ya think I would have been able to have a better grip on this by now!  to quote comedian Ken Davis, I am. one of God’s sheep and sheep are stupid!

Creativity Killers Impact on My Influence

So how does all of this fit in with influence?   Well, it’s like this, when I CHOOSE to be focused on other things besides my relationship with God, like people pleasing and fear, then I am giving over control to other things and that will affect other choices that I make.

So by choosing to fear offending people , then I am choosing at times to NOT say the words God has laid on my heart.  When I fail to speak truth because I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, I am failing God.  It’s about HOW we choose to say those words.  Are we saying it in a loving way OR are we being critical judgmental, harsh, and just downright mean?     I am actively choosing to not do what God wants me to.   And at times over the last two weeks I have chosen NOT to choose.  It is still a choice.

So yes I guess over the last two weeks I have been opting for the negative influence only because I was choosing the non-choice. to ignore this monumental task to took nearly a month ago.  BUT today I am picking it back up and I am GOING to finish if it kills me!

How about you?  do any of these “Creativity Killers” kill your influence?   I can definitely say that they are influence killers as well.   And by writing this post I am CHOOSING to let my transparency INFLUENCE YOU the reader.    Can I challenge you to be an influence  today by being transparent with where you are at on your journey?  Tell a close friend or a family member!   And ask them to  to help you fight the battle!

Write 31 Days-Day 6- Esther’s Influential Attribute: Transparency

Posted on by Mary

Transparency

The Powerful Influence of Transparency.

One of our most powerful influences is Transparency.  So many times we put on a front of “fine.”   But when we share our struggles we help other people around us who are also struggling to see that:

1 It’s OK to struggle.

2 That they aren’t alone.

Esther 4:3

3 In every province to which the edict and order of the king came, there was great mourning among the Jews, with fasting, weeping and wailing. Many lay in sackcloth and ashes.

Sackcloth and Ashes were a visible sign of mourning and sadness. It was a way that the people showed that they were is deep distress.  It was a way of communicating with out saying a word.   They were being honest about where they were in life.  Something had happened, something very hard.  There are moments in the Bible where it talks about people being in sackcloth and ashes for a year.  This is a very vivid picture of just how long this mourning process can take.    And in this Chapter of Esther Mordecai was mourning and lamenting before anything even happened.   He was showing just how horrible this impeding massacre was going to be and the Jewish people in Persia followed suit!

The Command to be Transparent

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

Being transparent doesn’t mean we try to fix people who are hurting or act like we have every answer to every problem. Transparent means sharing our story, and comforting people in their hurt.  For however long it takes.  Grace never runs out or we are all doomed.

I had this Bible College Professor Mr. S. He Drummed into our heads,  that  “you can give what you don’t have”.   And in a sense that is what the verse is telling us.  We receive comfort from God when we go through those hard moments in life so we then can pass on those comforts to those who are struggling around us.    Notice how we aren’t told to tell them:

  • how to get better
  • to fix their problems
  • tell them to get over it or move on
  • to pretend like we have all the answers.

So the big question is, “HAVE YOU ALLOWED YOURSELF TO BE COMFORTED BY GOD?”  But I know that for many of us we would say yes but the reality is that we want things to be fixed.  Immediately.  In our time.  In our way.   we May rely on God’s comfort for a time but when things don’t happen in our time or to our liking we say “ok what can I do to change my circumstances”.

Protecting Ourselves with Walls

The opposite of transparent is Hiding, because of fear, or our pride, thinking that we need to have it all figured out and all put together.  If we do that then we are in danger of making other people feel that they are failing because of their struggles, like they aren’t good enough, or like they have done something to deserve punishment.  

We start protecting ourselves.  We build walls and Barriers.  God is not a God of walls and barriers, matter of fact he is in the business of tearing them down.  Walls and Barriers are NOT transparent.  They are meant to keep people out.  To keep our hearts hidden and protected from being hurt.

Being transparent or real about where  we are at and the struggles we are going through helps us comfort others.  Even Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane was transparent when He told His disciples that He was anxious and in great distress.  He asked them to keep watch and to pray for and with Him.  Did they?  NOPE.  They could not comfort Jesus in his great distress because they had not experienced that kind os struggle.  They didn’t understand, so they slept and Jesus struggled with God.  THAT is the very reason why Christ had to die.  That is why He is called the Comforter.

Lessons From My Own life

  1. My eyes- because of having a visual impairment, I am very much aware of those with special needs and whatever it is that they may need.   Whereas other people who aren’t familiar may not have any awareness at all that there is a need to be met.  It’s not their fault and they aren’t being mean but when I see a mom in a store struggling with a child who is in an all out fit I tend not t judge her for her parenting, but instead I send a warm smile in her direction. Saying “yep I get it, parenting is hard stuff”. I’m not called to judge but I am called to share the comfort I have received from God.
  2. And the second thing that really has impacted. our lives is an event that happened four years ago.   It opened my heart to a whole new realm of ministry and it has impacted it greatly.   You can read about that here.  and since the time God has done some amazing things and we have had a chance to  help others maneuver through these sticky muddy swampy waters of the same circumstances.  He have been able to give hope to those who are hurting because we let God comfort us through it.  Yes we tried to help things along and struggled when things didn’t happen like everyone told us it would OR should.
  3. and then there is working at the Pregnancy Center.  And as a volunteer I can teach 2 different mentoring classes.  I can teach Expectant Moms, because as the saying goes, “Been there done that.”  the Center has a policy that if You haven’t been pregnant you can’t teach that Class.  Same with Happy parenting.   I have 4 kiddos.  AND I have custody of them.   Now I have not been able to teach this class for people who have teens because until this year I have never parented a teen.  However if someone comes in seeking mentoring and they have a child with special needs I am their go to girl because I have a son with Autism and I can share hope with them!

If I let God use those hard things in my life to comfort others (not fix or solve) God will use us.   We have to be willing and have faith that he will use those hard circumstances for HIS glory NOT ours.