Tag: influence

Anxiety- Negative Influence Trait #3

Posted on by Mary
Anxiety

Good morning friends! Today’s Negative Influence Trait is Anxiety but before you all rush to beat me up with your words let me clarify. I am not talking about medical anxiety- there are all sorts of medical and physiological reasons for anxiety. If you have to take meds to help with anxiety there is no shame here! Take them. It is what your body needs.

I have been rather forefront with my journey with anxiety due to severe iron deficiency over the last 10 1/2 months. I know there are a lot of people out there who declare it all a spiritual battle but I can honestly tell you they are wrong. Have I seen anxiety related to spiritual battles? ABSOLUTELY. BUT to say it’s all related is a massive misunderstanding of what causes anxiety.

I’m referring to more a spirit thing.

What I am talking about is more of having an anxious spirit. now you can have medical/ physiological anxiety and NOT have an anxious spirit and You can have anxiety AND have an anxious spirit AND you don’t have to have anxiety to have an anxious spirit. ( Hint : we all have something that can trigger an anxious spirit, no one is exempt.)

AKA a worrywart. (hehe something funny just popped into my head).

A worrywart is a person who is inclined to worry unduly. (Merriam-Webster online dictionary)

But I would say it’s even more than that. Have you ever seen someone who frets. Every little thing is a concern.

A recent Example

We have a son with autism . He is an amazing kiddo and we love him so much. But he has a problem. He is a worrier and last night was a great case in point. We were at our older two kids soccer games. and our two younger kiddos were off playing with their friends.

All of a sudden child #3 (autism) comes to ask about a berry he had just eaten (insert facepalm emoji here). As a young child we dealt with PICA with him but he has long since moved passed that- but everyone in a while….So We had a conversation and asked why he didn’t come ask me first BEFORE he ate it. He only ate one and I made the statement “well you might end up with a stomach ache.” Well that was it. Long story short a younger kid told him they were safe and that led to a whole other conversation.

He came back 3 more times Once with a “berry” in his hands. I showed him a bunch of pictures of possibilities -none looked quite right right. He even brought me leaf (which looked familiar but I couldn’t place it). He went from I don’t want to have a stomach ache to I don’t want to die in 3.2 seconds. So to set his mind at ease I went and checked out the plant.

I chuckled as I entered the little space because I COULD SMELL the aroma and it was VERY familiar. He kept saying they were blueberries BUT blueberry season is long gone. I walked over to the vines leaned in took a big whiff and smiled – Concord grapes!!!!

He said “what’s wrong mom?” expecting the worst and I smiled at him and said you will be just fine. They are grapes! A look of relief passed over his face and we moved on with our evening.

The reality

Now I know that anxiety and obsessiveness is part of an autistic person’s life. It is something that we have to work on and give him strategies to help him cope with these issues, however if we don’t practice them with him he becomes a ball of worry and it takes over his life.

Living in peace takes a lot of the same practices. Maybe not to the same extent but very seriously we can practice the same principles.

What the Bible says

2 Timothy 1;7 says “for God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and self -control.” (ESV)

So often we create our own spirit of fear and anxiety by living in the “what ifs”

So what happens when the fear and worry creeps in?

Ask yourself these questions!

  • Is it true?
  • Is it Honorable?
  • Is it just?
  • Is it pure?
  • Is it lovely?
  • Is it commendable?
  • Is there any excellence?
  • Anything worthy of Praise?

Sound familiar? It should those are the things Paul says us to center our minds on in Philippians 4:8-9. BUT then we need to follow the command at the end of verse 9. “THEN THINK ON THESE THINGS”

These concepts are talked about in Elizabeth George’s book Loving God with all Your Mind. I read this book nearly 20 years ago and it is still impacting my life today. I still practice it’s principles on a daily basis. I HIGHLY recommend this book!

Another practice

Quite a number of years ago I adopted the Phrase “Not my circus, not my moneys”. During this time I had a bunch of people who were coming to be with petty “concerns” about other people. Nothing that was my business really though it is amazing how much some people think it’s your business because you are the pastor’s wife. I was beginning to feel fretful about the pressure of “taking care of” these concerns. I’m not really sure how I stumbled upon the phrase, but God used it immediately. I began quoting it. and I even had people who who start to bring something inconsequential up and they would look at me and say—-“oh yeah Not your circus not your monkeys” and that would be the end of it.

A guardrail I set in place

Basically if it is inconsequential I don’t get involved. It’s not my place. But I do have to ask myself Is this my circus? Something I am involved in? And then I have to ask Is it my monkey? Something I am responsible for? And then if the answer is YES then I have to ask a separate set of questions- Will this defame God? (Does it go against God’s laws?) Does this matter? Will this hurt someone? (We once had to deal with a complaint that someone wore too much jewelry to church. We had to ask ourselves what would this profit? Who would this hurt? It was our circus BUT it wasn’t our monkey.)

Dealing with overactive brain

As I was dealing with anxiety over the last 10 months one of the things I struggled with most was overactive brain. As I lay in bed at night my heart would be racing (a physiological problem that just doesn’t “go away”) I would become very fearful of what heart racing could mean. My brain would go nuts with the possibilities. I spent many sleepless nights tossing and turning and being fretful. That is until one night I remembered what I did as a kid when I woke up from a bad dream.

Lessons from My Childhood

In Scouts I had learned an alphabet game. You sat in a circle and you kept rhythm snapping and patting your legs. A topic was picked and you started around the circle to the rhythm and if you broke the rhythm by forgetting what letter you were on or drawing a blank you were out. Well you can’t really play the rhythm part by yourself but you could go in alphabetical order.

As a kid I did all sorts of subjects but as I grew older I gan using names from the Bible. I would switch from people, to cities and countries, I would limit to male names or female names or EVERY name I could think of with that letter. More often than not the concentration would tire me out and I would be asleep before the end of the alphabet. HOWEVER this didn’t always happen. On the really bad nights I could make it through the entire alphabet three or four times.

Why it worked

It wasn’t that this game took away the heart racing and the overactive brain. It was that it focused my mind on God- It replaced the anxious thought pattern. I was focusing on what was good rather than the terrifying. So the symptoms of anxiety were still there I was still dealing with them I was just actively choosing to not give into the anxious spirit. In recent months I have added to the game. If the game isn’t working I use Christian songs- mostly songs I learned in Sunday school or verses that I have learned in the last 10 months which I talked about in the “What I Know” blog post.

What Happens when we live with a constantly anxious spirit?

It negative impacts our family and friends and maybe even a ministry. We become so engrossed in what is going on that we lose sight of the people that are close to us. and we begin to seek to have complete control (and so helicopter parents are born) Having anxiety in the medical sense is terrible because there is nothing you can do about it. There is no controlling it. So we seek to control other aspects of our lives. But we can make decisions to focus on things that will refocus our minds. It will be difficult. As the quote goes “anything worth having is worth fighting for.”

We need to remind ourselves that…

God is in complete control…even if my emotions and feelings are telling me otherwise.

When we choose to set aside our fretting and focus on God it replaces the inward focus that anxiousness is rooted in and it helps us to focus on God. It brings peace.

I in no way have every in and out of this figured out. I know what has worked for our family and the varying levels of anxiety we have dealt with over time. I know that focusing on truth most of all has been the biggest turn around.

Now it’s your tun

What makes you have an anxious spirit? What makes you fret? Is it your circumstances? Your family? Your friends? Or is it not your circus or your monkeys? Ask God to make it clear to you what causes your anxious spirit? And make it a priority to work with him on it. It sometimes takes moment by moment prayer. Because let’s be honest ALL of us have something that triggers that fretfulness to kick in…..It’s just a matter of what!

Have you learned any tricks on dealing with this anxious fretful spirit? I would love to hear about them in the comments below! And if you are dealing with anxiety don’t be afraid to seek medical help. Sometimes our bodies need help in all sorts of ways. Mine happened to be getting iron infusions, yours might be something else. We wouldn’t have shame seeking help for a broken leg so don’t have shame in seeking help for anxiety!

Check out these links

Write 31 Days 2018 Influence Posts

Choosing Courage 100 Day Writing Project

Write 31 Days 2021 Link up List. (Scroll to the bottom)

Negativity: Negative Influence Trait #2

Posted on by Mary
Negativity

Let me ask you a question…Are you a Negative Nancy? (I’m NOT saying all Nancys are negative. I have some wonderful “Nancys ” who have impacted my life so positively!)

You know the type of person I am talking about- the person who can always find a reason to be negative or down on something. Now there are two types of Negative Nancys. The first type is down on everyone else and the second type has lost all hope- the have just given up.- they are down on themselves or their circumstances.

Negative Nancy #1

I sat in a room full of women and we were brainstorming community outreach ideas. I sat and looked around the room at these hopeful happy women who chatted noisily over lunch- and then the meeting started.

I watched women enthusiastically share ideas that they had come prepared with to show love to our community and I also sat there and watched one woman shoot each idea down. I watched the air get sucked out of the room. It was like a gutt punch to each woman and before long I had silence. The faces on all the women had changed and the general attitude was how much longer til we can leave.

As I sat there watching all this take place the woman finally took a deep breath and then shared what she “wanted”. She wanted a big impactful ministry. She wanted recognition. (Her words not mine). I am all about big and impactful but there was a whole lot of I and me in what I was hearing.

What got in the way? Pride. And in the process she negatively influenced every person in that room. You could see the hurt in the eyes of every person she shot down and you could see the fear of the others who would no longer be willing to share because they didn’t want to be shot down.

What Should have happened?

For the most part as we chatted all the women in that room encouraged one another their respective ideas. Being an encouragement and building each other up is a sign that joy is in the hearts of believers. Encouragement is what we are called to do. (1 Thessalonians 5:11, Romans 14:19, Ephesians 4:2)

Choosing to shoot down every idea before we could tease it out was not beneficial and harmed other people …You know what, t as much as I have thought about this situation I cannot remember for the life of me what we decided to do that day. All I remember was the sick feeling that I left with.

What should have happened was true team building- encouragement, iron sharpening iron. We should have remembered our common purpose. We should have kept that at the forefront as we sought to reach out into our community.

A song that captures the attitude

A number of years ago I heard this song as I was preparing for a big event. And it changed my outlook and it set my focus on a very specific purpose. TobyMac’s song “Steal My Show” became my anthem. It’s not about me- it’s about making God famous. Sometimes I fail though. Sometimes I lose sight of that and do you know what song comes rushing back to reset my perspective- You got it! This one.

Another cold night
Another late flight
It’s almost show time and Diverse city’s waiting on me
We’ve got a packed house
The crowd is calling out
They want the beat to drop but what we really need is youIf you wanna steal my show
I’ll sit back and watch you go
If you got something to say
Go on and take it away
Need you to steal my show
Can’t wait to watch you go oh oh oh
So take it awaySo now the crowd is hyped
That you showed up tonight
Anticipating, craving something more than smoke and lights
So I’ll step out the way
I’ll give you set a stage
Alright, spotlight, give ’em what they came forIf you wanna steal my show
I’ll sit back and watch you go
If you got something to say
Go on and take it away
Need you to steal my show
Can’t wait to watch you go oh oh oh
So take it awayWhen you arrive
We come to life
Our hearts collide, they’re beating in the same time
You’re coming through
All eyes on you
Our hearts collide, they’re beating in the same time
Beating in the same timeNo matter who we are
No matter what we do
Every day we can choose
To say..If you wanna steal my show
I’ll sit back and watch you go
If you got something to say
Go on and take it away
Need you to steal my show
Can’t wait to watch you go oh oh oh
So take it awayMy life!
My pride!
My heart!
It’s all yours now
Take it awayMy fame!
My feet!
My family, my career
Take it away
Take it away
It’s all yours now
So take it away
Take it away
It’s you I wanna live for

Now This video is going to show up again next month. I have a completely different post based on these lyrics and video talking about ministry in general. But when we adopt this attitude NO MATTER WHAT we are doing – the impact is HUGE! In a very positive way!

Negative Nancy #2

This type of Negative Nancy could also be called Eeeyore. It is the “woe is me life is terrible I might as well go eat worms” Group. Life is hard and I will stand here and confirm that some people’s lives are just harder than others for whatever reason. That’s not for me to judge. I’m not God and I don’t know or understand what goes into all of this. I can tell you though that there are GOBS of examples of people throughout scripture that faced horrible life circumstances.

I could list them all out but that would take another 100 days and a completely different series…maybe another year! Maybe Next years #31day2022!!! (I know that is not a thing yet!)

But there is a huge difference between the examples in the Bible and these types of Negative Nancys. These negative Nancys wallow in the pain of their circumstances letting it become the definition of who they are.

The examples in the Bible chose the Even if…..I still will mentality. They choose joy over the horribleness of what they are going through. They choose to take their eyes off of themselves and place them on Jesus. He’s their ONLY reason for Hope.

A Few Examples

ALL of the prophets and judges in the Old Testament. They had to deliver news of consequences that the Israelites would be facing. They were not a cared for group. Sometimes they were threatened and sometimes hunted down and killed. (Elijah at the hands of Ahab and Jezebel 1 Kings 19:14)

The Woman with the Issue of blood- who suffered for 12 years. According to Levitical law she was unclean and couldn’t have any social interaction with anyone..TWELVE YEARS- (how’s that for perspective according to the last 18 months?).

Then There’s Paul and perhaps my favorites- talk about a radically changed man. Once a persecutor of Christ followers now living and serving Jesus with all he has!

Here’s a run down of Pauls life after conversion to Christianity.

 23 Are they servants of Christ? I know I sound like a madman, but I have served him far more! I have worked harder, been put in prison more often, been whipped times without number, and faced death again and again. 24 Five different times the Jewish leaders gave me thirty-nine lashes. 25 Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked. Once I spent a whole night and a day adrift at sea. 26 I have traveled on many long journeys. I have faced danger from rivers and from robbers. I have faced danger from my own people, the Jews, as well as from the Gentiles. I have faced danger in the cities, in the deserts, and on the seas. And I have faced danger from men who claim to be believers but are not.[a] 27 I have worked hard and long, enduring many sleepless nights. I have been hungry and thirsty and have often gone without food. I have shivered in the cold, without enough clothing to keep me warm.

28 Then, besides all this, I have the daily burden of my concern for all the churches. 29 Who is weak without my feeling that weakness? Who is led astray, and I do not burn with anger? (2 Corinthians 11:23-29 NLT)

I don’t know about you but despite all the struggles I have faced in my life mime doesn’t compare to all that Paul had faced in roughly 32 years of serving Jesus. The above account doesn’t mention his blindness at conversion which many scholars believe could be his “thorn in the flesh” he struggled with which is mentioned a few times throughout scripture and a snake bite. And yet DESPITE all of that Paul writes in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 “Be thankful in ALL circumstances for this is God’s will for youth belong to Christ Jesus.” (NLT)

And this sentiment is reiterated over and over again throughout Paul’s writings. If ever there was a man who could be negative and lose hope in his circumstances it was Paul. He would eventually be persecuted to the point of death- and still he counted it all joy.

AND THEN THERE IS JESUS. The Messiah. The one hoped for and prayed for. He came to earth and was rejected…..rejected so much that he was crucified. He knew how he was going to die. Rejected by his closest friends. In his final moments his father in heaven turned his back on him and yet he prayed for us- not condemned those who stood and yelled crucify him…he prayed “Father forgive them – because they don’t know what they are doing.”

A Song that Captures the attitude

A song that really challenges us to really see that this negative way of thinking isn’t helpful. Instead we have the greatest thing to be thankful for…GRACE.

And the perfect song to illustrate this is GRACE GOT YOU by MercyMe

Have you ever met those who
Keep hummin’ when the song’s through?
It’s like they’re living life to a whole different tune
And have you ever met those that
Keep hoping when it’s hopeless?
It’s like they figured out what the rest haven’t yetThe second you realize what you have inside
It’s only just a matter of time…’Til you sing, so the back row hears you
Glide ’cause walkin’ just won’t do
Dance, you don’t have to know how to
Ever since, ever since Grace got you
Laugh, ’til your whole side’s hurtin’
Smile like you just got away with somethin’, why?
‘Cause you just got away with somethin’
Ever since, ever since Grace got youSo when you’re standin’ in the rain again
You might as well be dancin’, why? ‘Cause there ain’t no storm that can change how this ends
So next time when you feel blue
Don’t let that smile leave you, why?
‘Cause you have every reason just toSing, so the back row hears you
Glide, ’cause walkin’ just won’t do
Dance, you don’t have to know how to
Ever since, ever since Grace got you
Laugh, ’til your whole side’s hurtin’
Smile like you just got away with somethin’, why?
‘Cause you just got away with somethin’
Ever since, ever since Grace got you
Ever since, ever since Grace got you
Grace got youGot away with somethin’, bubblin’ inside of you
Spillin’ over ’cause your life is full, how incredible
Undeniable, monumental like the Eiffel
Uncontrollable, let the joy flow through – haha
Giddy, over pretty, pretty please
Let me see your hands in the air with you out your seats
Warm it up, let go, shout it out, celebrate
When you can’t articulate just say, “Amazing grace”The second you realize what you have inside
It’s only just a matter of (only just a matter of)
It’s only just a matter of time (just a matter of time)’Til you sing, so the back row hears you
Glide ’cause walkin’ just won’t do
Dance, you don’t have to know how to
Ever since, ever since Grace got you
Laugh, ’til your whole side’s hurtin’
Smile like you just got away with somethin’, why?
‘Cause you just got away with somethin’
Ever since, ever since Grace got you
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah
Ever since, ever since Grace got you
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah
Grace got you
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah
Ever since, ever since Grace got you
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah
Grace got you
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah
Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah
Grace got you

When we choose negativity over Joy…..

We are thwarting God’s plan for our lives. He wants us to be grateful to him in all circumstances. And as much as that is difficult there are still things to be grateful for. Even though people aren’t doing things they way we would like them to be done (preferences) we can still be encouraging. We can choose to build up and not tear down. We can choose to cheer on others. And if we don’t make those choices that we have a powerfully negative influence.

Now it’s your turn

Our lack of Joy and focus of the negative can be one of the very first negative influences we can have on people. We need to ask and rely on God to change this in our lives. And the very first Step we can make is choosing a life of gratitude and encouragement. Choosing to thank God for the smallest of blessings in our lives radically changes us because it takes our minds ff f ourselves and puts our attention where it rightly belongs.

We all struggle with this and please know that you aren’t alone. Choosing to see that helps us to be grateful. Knowing that God has provided examples of people who have gone before us who have struggled in great ways and still chosen hope and joy in the middle of it all should serve as a great encouragement to us. (Have you ever read Corrie ten Boom’s Story?). It’s doesn’t mean that life get’s easier or that all the sorrows of this life will disappear. It’s how we handle those sorrows and who we give the glory in the middle.

Thank you so much for joining me on this journey.

Check. out These links

Write 31 Days 2018 Influence Posts

Choosing Courage 100 Day Writing Project

Write 31 Days 2021 Link up List. (Scroll to the bottom)

Hatred: Negative Influence Trait #1

Posted on by Mary
Hatred

Good morning everyone! And welcome to the next 9 days of focusing on the traits that give us a negative influence. Today we will be focusing on hatred. I don’t like to dwell on the negative but it’s so easy to convince ourselves that we aren’t “Negative people”. But we all have a sin nature and sometimes negative influence traits sneak in and before we know it our words and actions are impacting many around us with what is hidden in our hearts.

HATRED 101

So when we visited the very first positive influence trait of Love we looked at 1 Corinthians 13 for the definition of Love. Well as I scoured scripture for the definition of Hate a realization hit me….Just like I am taking the reverse of Galatians 5:22-23 for the Negative influences, I can also take the opposites of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

So Let’s flip it!

Hatred is…

  • impatient
  • unkind
  • jealous
  • boastful
  • prideful
  • rude
  • demands it’s own way
  • is irritable (cranky)
  • keeps records of being wronged
  • rejoices about injustices
  • doesn’t rejoice when the truth wins out.
  • gives up
  • loses faith
  • never hopeful
  • doesn’t endure in every circumstance

YIKES AND OUCH!

What I learn

When I look at these something very distinct shows up. I already said that love takes the focus off of ourselves and puts the focus on others BUT when we flip Love to hatred it become GLARINGLY obvious that hatred is all about putting ourselves over other people.

So how do we negatively influence people By BEING SELFISH!!!

And all we have to do is let one tiny little seed of any one of these things in our hearts and as it sprouts and takes root it turns into something greater and more dangerous.

Saul and David

As I have been preparing for these 9 Negative influences I have prayed for examples from the Bible to come Bubbling to the surface. And I have one major one that we will visit many times over the next 9 days and that is Saul and David.

And we will also add in Saul’s son Jonathan. These three are a point of interest to me as I have grown in my walk with God. The reason is because of how the dynamics of their relationships work. And maybe some day I will dive deeper into this subject.

When I really started thinking about David and Saul and I really started asking the questions about what really caused the division between Saul and David I keep coming back to Saul letting jealousy take root in his heart. And from there it really snowballs and anger becomes a big problem.

Isn’t that how hatred really happens.

We let one tiny little speck of any one of those problems listed above take root in our hearts. And before we know it most of them if not all of them creep into our lives.

Looking back at Saul before David ever entered the picture Saul was already having trouble with giving up, losing hope and losing faith, When David found Saul’s camp and saw Goliath making a mockery of the Israelites David was shocked because the Israelites served the one true God who was greater than any other god and Saul wasn’t choosing bravery and confidence it God .

Saul’s heart issues started long before David ever entered the picture. But after Samuel anointed David as future king, Saul’s heart took a dangerous turn. Jealousy and anger and bitterness seeds spouted and before long he was seeking to kill David.

Now I can here you say, “but Mary I’m not gonna murder so and so”. BUT 1 John 3:15 says ” Anyone who hates another brother or sister is a murderer….”

So we need to be very careful about what we harbor in our hearts…Because we know what is in our hearts will be revealed through our speech and actions!

Now it’s your turn

We need to start asking God to reveal any hidden root of hatred we have hidden in our hearts and to help us choose acts of selflessness over selfishness. Stay awake and alert to these emotions and feelings that are planted. We have to be oh so careful! And then when God brings those things to our attention, we need to be willing to change. We need to be willing to learn from our mistakes and then be willing to CHANGE. It’s hard! But if we want to turn our negative influence into a positive influence it is imperative !

I am so glad oyu joined me again today and if you are new WELCOME

Catch up with these links

Write 31 Days 2018 Influence Posts

Choosing Courage 100 Day Writing Project

Write 31 Days 2021 Link up List. (Scroll to the bottom)

Unintentional Influence

Posted on by Mary
unintentional

Have you ever done something without ever really giving it much thought only later to find out that someone was watching…….and they were impacted? It’s unintentional- You didn’t wake up that day and say TODAY I WILL INFLUENCE ……

It’s amazing how much one small action or words or an attitude can impact someone.

I have three instances that stand out over my life time. I know there are more both in the positive and the negative but these three are some of the biggest moments that opened my eyes to just how powerful these unintentional moments are.

I didn’t do anything per se…..

When I woke up each of these mornings I didn’t wake up with the sole purpose to make people see something special about me. I remember back in high school and college how some. of my friends acted different …it was a facade they put on around unbelievers so they could make them see just how “different” they were from the rest of the world. How do I know that because I was one of them. Actually I was great at being a chameleon. I would change myself based on what people wanted me to be. In college I had 2 sets of friends…..Ones that were real genuine people and then there were those who were trying to find themselves (There was another set- the popular ones and well I didn’t really get to hangout with them- I didn’t make the cut) but I was pretty much friends with everyone else.

We have spent much of our time as young believers that we have to put on this “holy” exterior to look different. BUT as I have gotten older I have realized that different that the lost world is looking for isn’t an exterior difference.

3 Stories

These three stories I am going to tell are all about unintentional positive influence that I never really “purposed ” to have. By this I mean I didn’t just crawl out of bed each of these mornings and be like I am going to show Mr A AND the two Dr. P’s just how different I am.

NOPE that isn’t what happened at all.

Mr. A.

I started working in a pretty high stress Christian environment at about 23- by high stress I mean it was physical work and time sensitive- and I enjoyed it immensely. Summer wasn’t as high stressed as other times during the year. Pretty much everyone I worked with were Christians and had a lot of fun together.

But one day I walked into the kitchen and people were talking about this Mr. A guy. He was talked about as though he was the biggest, meanest, gruffest guy you would ever meet. He had served in the miltary during wartime. And he was coming back to work.

Time went by and lots of comments were made. And then one day I came into work and there was this big bald guy there. I walked past and said hello. What came next was socking. “You aren’t gonna try spending all your time getting me saved too are you?” I’m not quite sure what my fave did but I know I shook my head no, smiled and walked away.

The influence others had

An unbeliever working within a very distinct Christian environment is like throwing a piece of raw meat to a tank full of hungry sharks. AND everyone wanted that trophy hanging on their wall. And Mr. A knew it. People didn’t just talk to him to talk to him, they had a hidden agenda and he could spot it a mile away. People weren’t loving and kind in a genuine way- they wanted to get that man saved so they could brag about it.

After summer was over I took on a full time position there. I would later find out that I actually had taken on the jobs of three people from the previous year,

One day I walked in after my morning break and Mr. A and another cook were cracking eggs. Mr. A looked at me and then at his cohort and said “we haven’t welcomed her to the kitchen. Mary hold out your hands.” Which I naively did and within seconds I had two smashed eggs dripping through my fingers. We all laughed and joked and I am pretty sure that was the day the other chef started calling me “Sweet Mary Sunshine”

But there was a problem

I was exhausted. And I was getting sick. I was running myself ragged. I was at work from 5 am to sometimes 10 or 11 at night. Don’t worry I didn’t work that whole time. I was just on campus for that long. I was working from 5 am to about 2:30 pm.

The only time I sat down was for a morning break after breakfast and lunch time. Otherwise I was on my feel and moving.

And as the exhaustion of doing the job of three people began to wear me down, I began to not move as fast, and my clarity of mind was fading.

And out of that came a co-worker who was downright mean. During this time I got screamed at in front of most f the student body for missing crumbs that weren’t on the table in from of her baked goods five minutes earlier.

She would stand over me at the serving line during peak rushes and yell at me for not doing things right. Including wiping down the area (which we were told not to do until the rush was over). and the list went on and on and on. I don’t know why she didn’t like me but the treatment was rough. Then in my people pleasing younger self (ahem It’s still a problem today) I asked her what I could do to get better- I was crushed when she let me have it with both barrels. Basically I was a failure in her eyes who couldn’t do anything right. And she pretty much told me I wouldn’t’t really be able to do better.

Sick and devastated

I pretty much had brought the devastated state on myself and I was told so a few weeks later by a co worker who had overheard the whole conversation. He told me that I knew she didn’t like me so why did it matter what she thought. He encouraged me to not give her criticism much thought and the reality was I was doing the job of three people and that I was working really hard.

One day Mr. A. and the other cook came to me and tried to encourage me. I didn’t realize so many people were seeing and hearing how she treated me. Not long after that I cracked. Hubby and I were sitting in out car and I was sobbing. I don’t remember what happened that day but it all came crashing in. Hubby didn’t realize things had gotten so bad. I was holding it all together. He saw how sick I was and they wouldn’t let me take off more than a two days because it was “impossible to find people to fill your job”.

“I want you to quit”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing my husband say- I had only been working there since the summer. It was now October. But in my sick and exhausted state I agreed and I gave my two weeks notice the next morning. The boss tried to get me to stay but I couldn’t. I don’t remember much of the next two weeks but I know that the two main cooks (one being Mr. A) told me how much they were going to miss me and that they would happily give me glowing reviews for my next job. And that I needed to come back and visit.

And then like a flash

Those two weeks were done and I was wrapping up my last shift. I didn’t want to leave. I had met some wonderful people. But I needed to be home at least for a little while…..I needed to refocus.

SO I wiped my hands on my towel that hung from my apron strings wrapped around my stomach. I pulled it from my side and tossed it into the dirty towel bin. I took off my dirty apron and tossed it into the dirty Apron bin and I hung my jean baseball cap on the hook and I began to give hugs and say my goodbyes. I said goodbye to everyone- but one. No one said I had to say goodbye to her. I could just slip away and never think twice about it. I couldn’t tell her I was going to miss her because I wouldn’t. I remember very clearly whispering “God give me strength” because I didn’t know what she had for me as parting remarks.

I walked over to her said goodbye and she hugged me. I was stunned. I walked away not sure what had happened. I hugged her back. I walked around the end of the grills and I felt the tight grip around my arm and I was whipped around to come face to face with Mr. A who had tears in his eyes. And what he said next I have had echo through my ears so many times over the last 18.5 years. “In all of my time working here, that was the most Christian thing I have ever seen anyone do.”

I have zero recollection of anything else after that moment. and as I have processed this moment over and over and over again I have come to realize a few things.

  1. Mr. A knew what was most important as a believer. The walk matching the talk. Mr. A and I never had a spiritual conversation…EVER.
  2. It’s about our ripple effect. When I choose to give that bitter woman a goodbye it was hard for me. I had to trust God that it was right and good. NOT what was easy.
  3. I need to be intentional with my choices so when the time arises the unintentional positive influences can be made.
  4. People are watching and when our walk doesn’t match our talk we become a negative influence

Dr. P #1

Now I saw A LOT of Dr. P. for about 6 months. He saw me at my absolute worst. He was honestly one of the most attentive Doctors I have ever had. If I was in the ER he was there checking in on me If I was recovering he was there checking on me. I didn’t know what to make of him the very first time I met him in his office. He basically told me after he did this procedure I would be in the worst pain of my life and he was kinda gruff- but still nice.

What I found out was he was very sympathetic. He saw me in the absolute worst pain I had ever been in. He was patient with my drugged out my mid questions and he rolled with my spunky “we gotta talk” statement after the nurse was forthcoming with some rather horrible “news”.

And he said as he left that morning as he patted my foot “I don’t know how after all that you have gone through how you can still be so sweet and smile and not be angry and frstrated.” And then he turned and walked out of the room.

He would go onto tell me that three more times. The last time as he said that I looked at him ad told him it all had to do with my faith in God. He then left quickly again

I planted a seed. Not just in words but in the peace I had despite all of the medical chaos. Despite all the missing of hubby and the kids he could see the peace that passes all understanding.

Dr. P #2

My dentist- I broke a tooth a few weeks ago. I hadn’t seen him in a while (Umm covid!) and He and I were chatting about the events of the last year and a half. And he asked how we had handled quarantine and the like to which I responded “we loved it”. Not a lie. We actually REALLY enjoyed quarantine because we grew so much as a family. We did some crazy stuff. We read a bunch of books together. We spent a lot of quality time together in God’s word. It was just great.

He was stunned when I responded with we loved it so he asked a few little questions and he replied “you are breath f fresh air” as he started to drill out the tooth.

iI sat in the chair as he fixed it unable to say anything else. Yes quarantine had it’s hard parts but because we chose a different perspective- focusing on what we had rather than what we had lost- I could easily say we loved it because we did. It was a heart choice a year and a half ago. We could have easily had a spirit of complaining but we made a choice to live in gratitude.

Influence begins in the Heart

I know I have said it a bunch but out of the goodness in our hearts good things are done by good people. Our speech and our actions are an outpouring of what is really in our hearts.

And in each one of these influential moments it was a matter of my making a choice LONG before I was ever in the moment .

And then in the moment I had another internal choice to actually do what I had chosen to do so long before. And even when we are intentional with our choices we have unintentional influences,

But what about the Negative

These three instances are the only three I can think of over 41 years of life I know there are positive and negative. I think the biggest thing is we in most often cases don’t know about the negative influences. People don’t just walk up and say “yo, you were really…..” Sometimes maybe but often times it is left unsaid.

But we have to be aware- awake. Paying attention to the fact that all of our choices good or bad impact other people and have either a positive or a negative influence. And we need to do the hard heart work we have talked about over the last 9 days to make sure that when we are faced with this spur of the moment decisions that our hearts are prepared to make the choices for us to be a positive influence to the world around us.

Now it’s your Turn

What are some moments in your life where you made a choice that seemed rather insignificant and God used it to influence someone else?

What are some areas you need to grow?

Check out these links

Write 31 Days 2018 Influence Posts

Choosing Courage 100 Day Writing Project

Write 31 Days 2021 Link up List. (Scroll to the bottom)

Self-Control – Positive Influence Trait #9

Posted on by Mary
Self-control

Well good morning everyone! And welcome to our last positive. Influence Trait : Self-Control. A few months ago I was sitting in church and our pastor Justin was talking about self- control and how self-control wasn’t really about us being in control of ourselves, but rather the Holy Spirit being in control of us. And when that happens we are free from the “try harder and do better” mentalities we all have.

I wish I could explain to you what happened that day. It had been an incredibly rough few months and I was teetering on the edge of what felt like insanity! The amount of anxiety I was dealing with was terrible. (we had no concept yet that the anxiety was based on extremely low iron levels) And each day was just another day of me striving to try harder and do better- BUT I was failing. The anxiety had gotten so bad that I was convinced it was the food I was eating that was causing my heart to race- I was hardly eating anything.

Truth sets us free

When Justin spoke this truth and I realized that I was living that life of ” try harder and do better” I was set free. Did it mean the anxiety left? NOPE NOT ONE BIT. It actually got worse. BUT because I had yielded my control (the food I ate- which was rooted in fear by the way), I experienced PEACE.

Something strange started to happen- As I relinquished my control over certain areas I began to experience these traits.

What happens when we “try harder to do better”

This isn’t to say that I have arrived because my goodness I have not. There are moments that I struggle with ALL of those traits and it becomes glaringly obvious that I am seeking my own way, “that I am trying to do better and try harder.”

  • Those days aren’t full of love- because I don’t have the ability to love in my own strength.
  • I cannot choose joy when I don’t have a grateful heart for all that Jesus has done.
  • Peace doesn’t show up when I am fretting over how much better I can be and how much harder I need to try,
  • Patience is turned to impatience because I haven’t surrendered my ways over the ways of Jesus.
  • Kindness is lost in the fervor of doing better, just checking things off the list in las mode ( have you ever noticed how unkind people get when it’s all about checking things off their to-do list?)
  • Goodness is is drowned out when we seek our own ways over God’s ways. God’s ways are good my ways are mediocre at best.
  • Faithfulness becomes unimportant because it’s no longer about God but all about me and those who have been unfaithful to me.
  • Gentleness becomes a thing of the past because well harshness has won over.
  • And when all of those things are lost – my emotions, behaviors and desires are all out of whack. We are no longer a controlled self.

That’s what it comes down to

Not that I have self- control but that I am a controlled by the Holy Spirit! We have come full circle!

And my heart is light because I know it’s no longer about checking this list off. I cannot do this without the Holy Spirit. If I want these to be markers of my walk with God I HAVE to yield complete control of r my life to him. There are so many things we want to hold onto that we believe we need to do on our own. But that is a lie from Satan. We are NEVER called to be lone rangers on this journey we call life

And when we recognize this- our lives begin to change radically. AMD THAT CHANGE takes the eyes off of us and puts it where it rightly belongs! ON JESUS- And That my friends is the most powerful positive influence you can have!

Now it’s your turn.

This perhaps is the hardest t choice you have to make. Hardest because surrendering your thoughts, emotions, desires and rights is so very hard. But when you start to do so ad you quit striving to do better and work harder, the most incredible sense of freedom happens.

So, ask yourself “what am I holding onto?” “what am I trying harder to do better in my life?”

Then ask God to change your heart- give him all the junk you are holding onto ( this isn’t a once and done thing either). Sometimes we are on a minute by minute yielding of my own way. Give Him that “do better and try harder” life style and rely on Him to change us.

Thank you for joining me on this journey! As we talk about the Power of your influence we are going to take a bit of a break from traits. We have gone through all of the positive traits so far and in a day or so we will jump into the Negative Influence traits (Hint we have already talked about them).

Check out these links

Write 31 Days 2018 Influence Posts

Choosing Courage 100 Day Writing Project

Write 31 Days 2021 Link up List. (Scroll to the bottom)