Tag: fear

Choosing Courage -Day 5

Posted on by Mary
courage

Good evening everyone- tonights post as you can see is going to be about courage and being courageous and after yesterday’s and today’s reading I think I have settled on a series title. (Let’s be honest it can’t be Hello Fears forever, because that is already taken ;). ). Today’s reading check-in is based on pages 26-56. It finishes chapter 1 and chapter 2 in it’s entirety.

courageous

Let’s Jump in

So one of the neatest things I learned this chapter was the difference between being fearless and being brave or having courage,

FEARLESS- lacking fear

Brave- showing courage

Michelle talks about how it is important for us not to be fearless but to face our fears with courage. Our hearts may race, our palms may sweat but we can still choose courage and face our fears head on!

“Being brave is when, despite the fear, we have the courage to take action, and that is way more powerful and inspiring than being fearless.

Wow- JUST WOW!

Assignment #1

After those insights Michelle challenges us to list out our areas of fear, fearlessness and bravery.

So here’s mine:

FEAR-

  • what people think
  • writing truth and offending people
  • being transparent and authentic
  • being criticized
  • losing friends over my writing

FEARLESS. The truth of the matter is I don’t feel like I am fearless in anything..

BRAVE-

  • raising kids ( This sone of the biggest fear inducing experiences of my life time)
  • At 19 I boarded my first plane and flew half way around the world and had some of the greatest adventures I have ever experienced. Outside of raising our kids. I ate things that I never thought I could. Made friends with people I never thought I could. and just the act of getting on the airplane was one of the scariest things I have ever done.. I was told many times during that time that I was very brave
  • Serving God- I have found myself in some pretty scary moments. Inner city kids ministry on the worst street in the city. , street witnessing in NYC. Being shown a gun while doing so. Talking with a mentally ill man on the streets. Loving kids who other people run away from. every time I directed a Christmas play. Riding in a parade. Writing here on my blog.
  • Taking next steps in life- I wish I could explain more of this right now but I can’t. but stay tuned it will be coming. (No this isn’t about our next church).

The bravery part was really hard mostly because I don’t feel brave. and then I remembered a favorite verse

Joshua 1:9 – Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

God doesn’t want us to have a spirit of fear but to be strong and courageous and trust him.

Be an Influencer

The section on being an influencer struck a chord with me because I have only been teaching it both here and in our church for how long? I vary slightly on the idea f influence than Michelle. We (EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US) is an influencer Whether we like it or not. the things we say or do influence those around us, whether it is a good influence or a bad influence. AND as believers we are called (each and everyone offs) is called tube godly influence to those around us- both believers nd unbelievers.

Leadership

Michelle talks about how we tend to elevate “fearless leaders”. but they have a tendency to be reckless. Brave leadership on the other hand counts the risks and steps out bravely . I know I would much rather be and have a brave leader over a fearless one.

Assignment #2

This isn’t an ongoing assignment. We are to keep track of all of our small and not so small acts of courage We are to keep track while reading to the book.

So as of today I have five “posted” blog posts. Five shares on Facebook and Five shares on Instagram. I won’t be posting all of my little acts of courage over the next 95 days.

So how about you? What are some of your fears? And what are you moments of bravery?

For more Choosing Courageous posts and Hello Fear Posts click here

And Check out Michelle Poler’s book Hello Fears click here

Ministry Moments: Debunking a Lie

Posted on by Mary
Lie


Welcome to day 3 of My Hello Fears writing Project. This post about debunking a lie that plagues the church today is a LONG time coming. It has been hiding in my drafts for nearly two years because I was too afraid to hit the publish button. Well today is the day folks.

STORY TIME!!

When I was in Bible College there was a theme communicated whether intentional or unintentional that ministry leaders should not have close friendships within the church they serve (this was not taught in every class, but it was in some). It surfaced it’s ugly little head in subtle ways.

Then we graduate and we move on into ministries…..not all but most. Some get married and some don’t. some work with parachurch organizations and some in churches and some take everything they have learned in Bible college and give everything they have to an organization or business that doesn’t necessarily have faith as a basis but they change the face of their job because of their willingness to set aside themselves and serve Jesus with ALL of their hearts. But for all, in ministry or on the job, they ended up as a part of a team.

And two things happen when you work together as a team…You either hate each other- or you grow closer together. More often than not it’s the latter. There are some dividing things that cause the team to be dysfunctional and that is a post for a later date. For now let’s focus on the lie at hand.

AS A MINISTRY LEADER YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE AN INNER CIRCLE OR CLOSE FRIENDS WITHIN THE CHURCH.

As I moved from the Bible college setting to a setting that had my husband in seminary, I found myself in a new place I had never been…without a ministry. I was working full time and I was a new wife and the church we attended had A LOT of college students doing almost all the ministry- and I felt lost. Serving was a part of my SPIRITUAL DNA that God had created within me. It was clear even as a young child. It was a hard place to be. It was during this time that God developed certain passions and talents that had never really had a chance to bloom in my adolescence.

My last year and a half as seminary wife I was asked to be on the leadership team- they originally asked me to be treasurer but by that time I knew my talents were not in that area so I spoke up and told them so. Being wise professor’s wives they asked me what I was good at- and I knew where my heart jumped with joy- HOSPITALITY!

And that’s what they asked me to be -Hospitality Coordinator. And this is where I cut my ministry teeth on a ministry team. I knew that someday that is where I would be and that’s how I wanted to serve. Creating a team of women with that same passion as I had. To serve Jesus loving women of all ages and bridging an ever widening generation gap.

There’s a problem though-

When you serve with a group of believer’s for the same cause… you grow closer and closer, because life experience draws people closer together. When you roll up your sleeves and you get your hands dirty together there SHOULD BE A CLOSENESS that develops. THAT’S WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!!!

How do I know this?

You have to look no farther than the gospels and the example Jesus set.

“You took 12 outsiders nobody would have chosen and you changed the world” (Nobody by Casting Crowns and Matthew West).

They were failures, they had all fallen short in some way or another and were not a part of he religious scene. They were detestable in the eyes of the religious leaders. They were really “outcasts” by the social standards of their day.

It hasn’t been until the last 2 months or so that I have been able to articulate it quite this way. It took some battles and wrestling and much inner turmoil because the lie of no inner circles or close friends within the church for ministry leaders is still alive, well and going strong.

The reality is if those relationships aren’t there, then your ministry is nothing but surface deep, The problem with close friendships and inner circles is this ATTITUDE. When members of the team start seeing themselves either as better than other team members or too good for the people you are serving or ministering to then the team changes from an inner circle to a clique…..Do you remember Jr. High?

Jesus had many other friends besides the 12 (his inner circle) He had Mary, Martha and Lazarus…. just to name a few. He spoke truth to Martha when she had a skewed view of her sisters “distractedness”. And Martha listened- changed and grew. The inner circle/ close friends are more than just buddy buddy. They push each other the grow., to become better versions of themselves (or at least they should(. They call us out when we head down a wrong path because they don’t just care about our friendships, they care about our souls!

He didn’t think he was better then her- he corrected her wrongful thinking.

There were many misunderstandings but the group was committed to the common cause- the teaching of Jesus- GRACE- MERCY- LOVE.

So Let’s Change the mindset and the church and debunk this lie together

There are two ways that we can change this mindset

#1 We the ministry wives need to live our lives differently. We need to not be afraid of friendships and an inner circle within the church. BUT we need to be careful. We need to guard our hearts. We need to make sure we aren’t really in a clique. and we need to make sure that our mouths keep confidences and that we aren’t breaking confidences.

I know that we all are human and that we all make mistakes (I know I have made plenty) BUT it is completely possible. to live out the example of Christ AND IT SHOULD HAPPEN! Without that inner circle we cannot grow the way we should. And our people won’t be impacted.

The other thing that we most MUST MUST guard against is ignoring the women within our churches and ministries for the sake of the inner circler even worse acting like you and your circle are better than everyone else. We cannot and should not sacrifice our relationships with the other women around us. This will damage our ministry and testimony,

#2 Women of the church- set aside jealousy. You may not be a part of the inner circle and don’t hold that against the ministry wife, Inner circles change over time, and my challenge to you is to be ready.Prepare yourselves to be the women to fill the inner circle vacancy. A wise ministry wife won’t invite someone into the circle that will be harsh, back-biting and two-faced. She will understand that, if you are willing to gossip about other people , that you will be willing to gossip about her. She also won’t surround herself with negative complaining people.

She needs all the support she can get. Don’t be apart of the problem be apart of the solution. Together we can embrace the truth of Jesus’ example of having an inner circle of friends and change the face of ministry within the church today. That means when others start the gossip or show jealousy, we need to stand up for the Biblical answer not just listen to all sides (more on that in later blog post.)

So how about you, What role can you play in changing the face of this problem today?

Check Out my other Hello Fears writing project HERE!

Hello Fears -Day 2

Posted on by Mary
Fears

Good evening everyone,

So today we are going to chat about the book Hello Fears by Michelle Poler. Right now life is busy as we are gearing up for our second year of homeschooling so reading time is cut downs I won’t be progressing very fast.

Fears

Over the last two days I have read through page 26. And a brief detour to chapter 10 (per Michelle’s instructions). to get a better understanding of Michelle’s family history and the root of her fears. I think if we are all honest we all have deep roots that cause our fears.

A couple of my fears-

  • heights and the fear of falling
  • disappointing people
  • people’s criticism
  • making mistakes
  • hurting people
  • being misjudged/ misunderstood

Those are the top ones. Now as I Mentioned yesterday I am focusing on my writing because that is some of the greatest fears I am struggling with and keeping me from living life to the fullest. These fears are keeping me from doing something that I love.

Categories of fear

Michelle talks about how our fears fit into seven Categories. Those Categories are:

  1. pain
  2. danger
  3. embarrassment
  4. Rejection
  5. loneliness
  6. lack of control
  7. disgust

For our assignment we were suppose to rank them from 1- being “sure I can handle it” to 7- “I would rather be dead! See Ya”

SO here’s my list.:

  1. Disgust- hello I have four kids (3 of which are boys) and I have been to another country where I ate silkworm, pigs ear, chicken hearts, a whole squid and jellyfish.
  2. loneliness- I am an introvert and I need that time alone to refill my people tank. It gets number 2 spot because unlike Michelle I don’t need people around me all the time. As a kid and teenager and even into my young adult years I feared being alone and needed people around to feel safe
  3. Conrol- I like to feel in control of situations but the reality is I am not and I am *Mostly* ok with that. If you talked to me back in December I was pretty upset about December being ruined. And over the last 8 months I have struggled with anxiety and fear with my health being out of control. One of the speakers at the Global Leadership Summit said “The only constant thing in this life is change”, everything constantly changes and it’s how we handle those changes that matters.
  4. Pain- I do not like pain. physical pain or mental/ emotional pain. though I think the latter is a bigger struggle for me. I don’t like getting hurt by people. And I am very afraid of inflicting that kind of pain on people as well.
  5. Danger- Who likes being in danger? Not me…No sir.
  6. Embarrassment- I have friends who have definitely pushed me past my limits in this area. My entire life this has been a huge fear. I am guessing rooted in some major bullying that happened as a kid/ teen.
  7. Rejection- and this is why we are here. This fear has many facets for me and I am VERY sure we will be diving deeper into this in the coming chapters.

So How about you? How would you rank your categories of fears?

See you tomorrow! Goodnight!

You can check out Michell’s book Here

You can check out yesterday’s post here

Life is a Journey

Posted on by Mary

journey

I would like to sit here and think that today begins a new journey but in  reality it’s not new.  Life is the journey.  Yes at times we come to a fork in the road and we need to decide which path to take.  It is the very reason why I chose the theme for my blog to be walking by faith.  Journey is in the subheading.  and as I alluded to in yesterday’sblog post that there were somethings up my sleeve.  I have been thinking and praying and planning for the last few months and I have really needed to wrestle through some stuff. Things like :

Fear

Control

Lack of confidence ( this one strikes me as funny because  that was my word for last year.  ,

Once upon a time….Journey back in time

I struggled with intense fear.  Fear that left me curled up in the corner of my bedroom sobbing.  I had come home to no power and I feared what lurked in the darkness. The unseen,  You know what was there?  Furniture Thats it. .  I was as quiet as a mouse all of the time.  When we moved into a different apartment  a year and a half later I was pregnant with our first son and I quickly learned that the guy downstairs was on the creepy list.  When our oldest was born hubby and I praised God that he was too young to ask questions about what was going on downstairs, on many levels. I was still scared but now I could no longer  be as quiet as a mouse, because I had this youngling…and what do younglings do?  They Cry.  Sometimes a lot. But in my heart my thought was what  if that creepy guy comes up stairs……?  Then one day!  He did.  I was standing at the sink tasing dishes and this insane pounding came . I froze.  He yelled Get out, the Apartment is on fire.  Wait what?   IS this for real?  Sure enough  I picked up our newborn son and scrambled down the stairs.  It was filled with smoke, firetrucks everywhere.

Fast forward….the journey between then and Now

As I look back over the nearly 13 years since that day. I see an on again off again relationship with fear.  What was once an absolutely gripping fear of being alone…as in no one in the same house. I could be alone, actually I really liked being in solitude, just not in the sense of being left alone….and in the ONLY ONE, morphed into a different kind of fear.  Fear of people.  Nope not kidding one single bit.  I was afraid that I was going to get hurt.  There was a time on my life as a young mom where I was convinced that it was my job to be hurt…by people.  It was during that time that I had no friends.  I was home all the time alone and arrows flew at me from every direction..  Now This did not just happen once or twice.  there is a lesson in this for me.  I knew there was but I was DENSE (still am).  So I had to keep learning it over and over and over again.

Right now….on the journey

Continue reading “Life is a Journey” →

When I Picked the Word Confidence for 2017……

Posted on by Mary

….I had no idea what was looming around each corner. CONFIDENCE. Confidence In God NOT myself!  I know I haven’t blogged about my word much, if at all.  Let’s be honest and right up front, I haven’t been blogging much at all..  I have been caught between crazy schedules and exhausted.    I had hoped to blog a lot on our two week vacation BUT that did not happen…I have less than 2 days left…..SIGH!  Oh well  but how do I move forward in the future?

CONFIDENCE

So back to Confidence.  My confidence has been tested and stretched SOOOOO many times over the last few years.  Confidence in my abilities, confidence in my faith in ministries (including blogging), ,confidence in God . For instance if when I started at the pregnancy  cente you would have told me that my role there would include people who had been in jail OR that I would be introduced to women who had been in human trafficking situations I would have told you NAH that’s not what I am called to do!  HAHHAHA I was so naive. And Naive is not a word I would use to define me…EVER! However just when I had thought I had heard it all a client made me cough coffee out my nose with one question…..(Yes Amy insert laughter)

The other thing, if you asked me if I would ever be involved in a conference planning ministry that  I am a part of the team I would have laughed and told you “not introverted me.”   Now I am in my second conference Planning session and I can’t imagine doing anything else.

And did I mention that I never thought I would be a pastor’s wife…ok so I didn’t want to be.  I wanted to be a missionary to a country that didn’t’t allow missionaries.  I wanted to be an inner city youth leader….Amongst some other things….Pastor’s wife was never on the list…EVER!!

Confidence or GOD-FIDENCE

My confidence was not there.  I need to have God-fidence as Renee Swope  calls it in her A Confident  Heart Bible Study.  and now I’m in yet another transition period….Another confidence area…A God-fidence area if you will….and it has to do with fear!    We have been listening to our friend Marc preach on it for the last week, and quite honestly it’s been hard.  Im not the same scared  young bride I was when I married my husband 14 years ago BUT there are certain things that grip my heart and mind tighter than anything else in this entire world.   It’s the area of people pleasing .  I worry about this ALL THE TIME. I obsess over this.   BUT there is a big problem about this…Worry means a mind divided!   I am torn between two masters….God who has called me to do this.  I have made a commitment to do this.  It is my  responsibility to use my gifts, to sharpen them, to hone them in, however I hide.  I hide this from social media.  I have not shared my blog on social media( as in my own personal wall) in  over two years, because I am AFRAID!  I worry about criticism, critique….people being angry with me .   and that leads me to my second master….Satan AND other people.  I am a person divided.

The Problem

The problem with all of this is Jesus himself promises struggles, that we will be persecuted that there will be problems . (John 16:33)  So I am trying to avoid and run away from the trouble that is promised. It’s what I do with that trouble. It’s not hiding from it, BUT it is taking it to God and allowing God to work it out.  It is having trust that HE will work through my words.  It is having confidence in Him…confidence to know what He wants me to write and share and when people aren’t pleased with me knowing that HE is because that is all that matters!

Instead I want a sound mind….a whole mind, a mind with one master, God.I want to serve Him and pleaseHim with all I say, do, and WRITE!  And that means if He has all of my mind then there is NO other room for anyone else.  This also means that I need to make sure that I keep my heart in check with God’s word because out of the condition of the heart Man speaks!! (But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. Matt. 15:18 NIV)

The end result

So here it is…

This blog will go back on my social media.

You are now free to share it.

  • I’m not living afraid I’m choosing freedom.
  • I’m choosing one master.
  • Im choosing to have a whole minded God-fidence.

Remember this is my story, a story that God is writing and I am sharing it to bring Him Glory, hopefully to bless others so look past you opinions and feelings and think on this that our friend Marc shared the other night,

Without Misery, there can be no Ministry

Yes it is going to look messy and yes we are going to get raw and we ARE going to talk about hard things, BUT if I don’t do this Im NOT in God’s Will.  He didn’t give me a story to hide it under a bushel….NO, THIS is my light and I’m going to let it shine!