My Personal Struggles My Expectations in My Devotions
I am my own worst enemy when it comes to my devotions with Jesus. I can place really high expectations on myself and when I feel like I cannot meet those expectations I give up.
This doesn’t make me happy. But that is the reality- there are seasons in life that be met with the same type of expectations.
This past December I came face to face with this. After I had my procedure that left me in the worst pain I had ever experienced (even worse that all 4 pregnancies AND a gallbladder attack COMBINED). I found myself confined to the couch in spare room downstairs. I had all the time in the world. The kids weren’t allowed to really see me because we were keeping me quarantined so I could have surgery later on (That never happened- Long story).
I couldn’t do anything. I was in such great pain and I had a bunch of pain meds pumping through my veins so to stay awake for more than an hour at a time was nearly impossible. And lets not talk about the ability to focus…..I am still fighting to regain some of that 10 months later.
The result
I began to feel guilty that I wasn’t doing enough. My expectations haunted me. The funny thing is that during this time as I did the bare minimum I was growing leaps and bounds. It was during this time that “what I Know….” was born. (Y(ou can read that post here) But as I began to grow and make progress even in the middle of a fairly traumatic Christmas another set of voices and expectations started to impact my heart and mind. And guilt began to take root yet again.
Another set of expectations
I began hearing and seeing things about how horrible it was to do devotions out of devotional books during this time. Some of the books I found great comfort in were the Books by Sarah Young- Jesus Calling, Jesus Always, and Jesus Today. Now I wouldn’t say that these are a great place to camp for regular devotions BUT sometimes in the middle of the hard times. These Books meet us simply where we are at. And for me I needed that.
Making others feel Guilty
I cannot tell you the number of times I have said to someone this is a really great book it helped me through……only to get sneered at because it wasn’t “meaty enough”. I am not saying that these books need to replace God’s word…nope, not for one minute. We just need to understand where we are at and that sometimes we need to let go of our expectations we place on ourselves and we need to ignore the expectations that others put on us and when we want to put our expectations on other people.
What we need to Remember
We need to remember its all about their devotion to God. It’s not about how much they do or even about how deep someone else goes. It’s not my job to judge that. I need to encourage their devotion to God- And no matter where we are at we should always strive to go deeper but that is a personal between me and God thing. We shouldn’t stay satisfied with milk we need to eat meat.
When a Kid gets sick
I like to think about it like this….
When a little kid gets sick do you keep feeding them the same food when they were healthy. No you put them on the BRaT diet. (By the Way anyone one with a stomach bug should follow the BRAT diet). It’s simiilar foods that are gentler on the stomach It stands for Bananas, Rice, Applesauce Toast..
And we as Christians sometimes have moments when we are “sick”. Sick in the Body, sick in the heart, sick in the mind. And it is during those times that we need to go back to the simpler forms of devotion to Jesus.
I know that if during a specific season I need to step back and lower my expectations of myself then That is what I will do and that is completely ok….as long as I keep on being devoted…..dedicated to spending time with Jesus.
So for the month of September I have taken a step back from what I was doing (an in-depth study of Philippians) and I snagged a less involved study book off my book shelf. I just knew that with starting school and everyone adjusting to crazy new schedules that the in depth study was going to frustrate me and I would end up neglecting it- remember the goal is to stay devoted- To have that daily meeting with Jesus- It’s ok to take a break and come back to it.
There is a great sense of freedom when we release ourselves from the unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves.
This is one of the greatest lesson I have learned over the last 8 years and I continue to keep learning it. God wants my devotion NOT by perfection. It has never been about my expectation or your expectations. It’s about a personal relationship with Jesus !
How about you…have you struggled with expectations when it comets your devotions? Share with me in the comments how you overcame this obstacles!
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