Welcome to day 3 of My Hello Fears writing Project. This post about debunking a lie that plagues the church today is a LONG time coming. It has been hiding in my drafts for nearly two years because I was too afraid to hit the publish button. Well today is the day folks.
STORY TIME!!
When I was in Bible College there was a theme communicated whether intentional or unintentional that ministry leaders should not have close friendships within the church they serve (this was not taught in every class, but it was in some). It surfaced it’s ugly little head in subtle ways.
Then we graduate and we move on into ministries…..not all but most. Some get married and some don’t. some work with parachurch organizations and some in churches and some take everything they have learned in Bible college and give everything they have to an organization or business that doesn’t necessarily have faith as a basis but they change the face of their job because of their willingness to set aside themselves and serve Jesus with ALL of their hearts. But for all, in ministry or on the job, they ended up as a part of a team.
And two things happen when you work together as a team…You either hate each other- or you grow closer together. More often than not it’s the latter. There are some dividing things that cause the team to be dysfunctional and that is a post for a later date. For now let’s focus on the lie at hand.
AS A MINISTRY LEADER YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE AN INNER CIRCLE OR CLOSE FRIENDS WITHIN THE CHURCH.
As I moved from the Bible college setting to a setting that had my husband in seminary, I found myself in a new place I had never been…without a ministry. I was working full time and I was a new wife and the church we attended had A LOT of college students doing almost all the ministry- and I felt lost. Serving was a part of my SPIRITUAL DNA that God had created within me. It was clear even as a young child. It was a hard place to be. It was during this time that God developed certain passions and talents that had never really had a chance to bloom in my adolescence.
My last year and a half as seminary wife I was asked to be on the leadership team- they originally asked me to be treasurer but by that time I knew my talents were not in that area so I spoke up and told them so. Being wise professor’s wives they asked me what I was good at- and I knew where my heart jumped with joy- HOSPITALITY!
And that’s what they asked me to be -Hospitality Coordinator. And this is where I cut my ministry teeth on a ministry team. I knew that someday that is where I would be and that’s how I wanted to serve. Creating a team of women with that same passion as I had. To serve Jesus loving women of all ages and bridging an ever widening generation gap.
There’s a problem though-
When you serve with a group of believer’s for the same cause… you grow closer and closer, because life experience draws people closer together. When you roll up your sleeves and you get your hands dirty together there SHOULD BE A CLOSENESS that develops. THAT’S WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!!!
How do I know this?
You have to look no farther than the gospels and the example Jesus set.
“You took 12 outsiders nobody would have chosen and you changed the world” (Nobody by Casting Crowns and Matthew West).
They were failures, they had all fallen short in some way or another and were not a part of he religious scene. They were detestable in the eyes of the religious leaders. They were really “outcasts” by the social standards of their day.
It hasn’t been until the last 2 months or so that I have been able to articulate it quite this way. It took some battles and wrestling and much inner turmoil because the lie of no inner circles or close friends within the church for ministry leaders is still alive, well and going strong.
The reality is if those relationships aren’t there, then your ministry is nothing but surface deep, The problem with close friendships and inner circles is this ATTITUDE. When members of the team start seeing themselves either as better than other team members or too good for the people you are serving or ministering to then the team changes from an inner circle to a clique…..Do you remember Jr. High?
Jesus had many other friends besides the 12 (his inner circle) He had Mary, Martha and Lazarus…. just to name a few. He spoke truth to Martha when she had a skewed view of her sisters “distractedness”. And Martha listened- changed and grew. The inner circle/ close friends are more than just buddy buddy. They push each other the grow., to become better versions of themselves (or at least they should(. They call us out when we head down a wrong path because they don’t just care about our friendships, they care about our souls!
He didn’t think he was better then her- he corrected her wrongful thinking.
There were many misunderstandings but the group was committed to the common cause- the teaching of Jesus- GRACE- MERCY- LOVE.
So Let’s Change the mindset and the church and debunk this lie together
There are two ways that we can change this mindset
#1 We the ministry wives need to live our lives differently. We need to not be afraid of friendships and an inner circle within the church. BUT we need to be careful. We need to guard our hearts. We need to make sure we aren’t really in a clique. and we need to make sure that our mouths keep confidences and that we aren’t breaking confidences.
I know that we all are human and that we all make mistakes (I know I have made plenty) BUT it is completely possible. to live out the example of Christ AND IT SHOULD HAPPEN! Without that inner circle we cannot grow the way we should. And our people won’t be impacted.
The other thing that we most MUST MUST guard against is ignoring the women within our churches and ministries for the sake of the inner circler even worse acting like you and your circle are better than everyone else. We cannot and should not sacrifice our relationships with the other women around us. This will damage our ministry and testimony,
#2 Women of the church- set aside jealousy. You may not be a part of the inner circle and don’t hold that against the ministry wife, Inner circles change over time, and my challenge to you is to be ready.Prepare yourselves to be the women to fill the inner circle vacancy. A wise ministry wife won’t invite someone into the circle that will be harsh, back-biting and two-faced. She will understand that, if you are willing to gossip about other people , that you will be willing to gossip about her. She also won’t surround herself with negative complaining people.
She needs all the support she can get. Don’t be apart of the problem be apart of the solution. Together we can embrace the truth of Jesus’ example of having an inner circle of friends and change the face of ministry within the church today. That means when others start the gossip or show jealousy, we need to stand up for the Biblical answer not just listen to all sides (more on that in later blog post.)
So how about you, What role can you play in changing the face of this problem today?
Check Out my other Hello Fears writing project HERE!
