Being Ok with Where You Are Week 1- Chapters 1-4 AND A GIVEAWAY!

Posted on by Mary

Hi all!

I want to first say a HUGE thank you to Stacey Thacker for letting me be on the launch team for this book.   It has been a real pleasure reading and no re-reading the book!

So each Tuesday for the Month of September we will be sharing our stories as we have walked through this book.

For me specifically I will be sharing two different journeys God has brought me through.  You will see some similarities, but hopefully you will see some differences too!

So let’s get Started, shall we?

Chapter 1.Admit It

The year was 1996, and I was 16 and a Sophomore in high school and I was NOT OK!   My birthday in March came and went.there was no more talk of a permit test or a car…matter of fact…nothing much was talked about.  I was at the absolute lowest I have ever been in my life, before or since!   What could possibly be wrong that would devastate a young girl who had her whole life ahead of her?  One word……BLINDNESS.  YEP…she was going blind.  No one knew how bad it would get, not even the doctors.    All she knew was she could never, ever drive…..that meant a sense of no freedom.  Public school was harsh too.  Teachers who either didn’t want to understand, or were incapable of understanding, kids who teased before teased relentlessly now, people accused her of wanting attention .an IEP (an individualized Education Plan) meetings, mobility instructors, school psychologists and guidance counselors……she lacked purpose, hope, and courage……And was surrounded by loneliness!   Admitting it was not an option, fear is all she felt!

Fast forward 11 years. 3 days after Thanksgiving, this same girl now married for four years was in the hospital praying that she would soon go into labor with her third child, her second son.  Twenty grueling hours later he came into the world…not crying, blue as blue could be.  The cord was around his neck and his Apgar numbers were very low.  They whisked him off, trying their hardest to make sure he was gonna make it….and that girl?  She slept, long and hard.  The meds had finally kicked in.  And yet for the next five years she kept quiet.   The things she had felt.   Admitting she too had nearly not made it.  The only thing she can remember his her husband saying breathe Mary Breathe.    After 5 years this momma sits holding that same boy as he screams, rocking back and forth smacking his head into her teeth…..no one knows, no one understands.  It’s not a discipline issue?  What’s wrong with her poor baby?  What did she do wrong?

In both instances fear gripped me!   The first time it was the fear of the uncertain.  The second it was fear of what other people might think of me.   A pastors wife who can’t “handle” her child!   Oh the horror.  I had myself convinced that because of this my husbands job was on the line…oh what if people knew?

It started with some very vague conversations.  It still continues…..

Chapter 2 Give It to God

It’s still 1996 that girl is still 16.   After she admitted her struggles to her mom, who then made go talk to her pastor things started to change.  She gave this difficulty in her life, this speed bump to God.  Within a few months she had dedicated her life to ministry during a missions conference…she thought it would be as a missionary to Germany, but God had other plans. In December she got baptized and  a 6 months later transferred to the local Christian school.l  and a year after that found herself on an airplane heading to a country in the 10-40 window as a short term missionary to a communist country…..ALL BECAUSE OF HER BLINDNESS!  Without that she could have never gone to the Christian school, and she would have never met the missionary that spoke in chapel one Wednesday!

Skip ahead to the winter of this year January to be exact.   One broken WEARY momma sat on the couch.  For weeks now God had been bringing a book to mind that she had acquired for free.  As this worn, defeated mom began to read, the tears just flowed.  She determined in her heart to fight for her son, no matter the cost.she gave it all to God, the hurt feelings, the pain and heartache of watching your child suffer through the simplest of life moments, the rejection of a school, the blame people placed on her.  It all went to God.  She has to give it to him sometimes multiple times a day but  she can’t hold it all herself.

Chapter 3 Removing the veil of Fine

As a teenager/ college student young adult this young lady never learned this lesson.  It wasn’t until she was 32 and a mom of four.  One of whom is autistic that she learned this.  Its ok to not be fine .  This veil is deceitful….it’s a lie we tell ourselves and others and for me it too was based in fear. “What will people think if this pastor’s wife isn’t fine?”  I had to come to the realization of this…I’m human, I make mistakes, I will NEVER. Be perfect in anyones eyes!”

Chapter 4 The “C” Word

Yep Comparison….also called could be seen as covetousness.   The it’s not fair attitude…

Oh yeah as a 16 year old who would never be able to drive herself anywhere, had to have super huge text books, sit up front….blah blah blah, the world seemed so unfair at the time.   It was a real struggle!

In 2008/2009 as our little guy headed towards major milestones, i compared him to our six or seven other friends babies sailed through them, we longed to hear him talk, even to just babble …or walk…normally.  In my heart I cried it’s not fair.  And just as he tested out of speech and physical therapy in 2010,  began one of the most “unfair” things in life….a year of death   Within a year  3 family members, 6 friends, and  an infant (and a member or two from church) all passed away.but i think in a way God was preparing me for what was coming next.  He knew I needed to be prepared and to not call a foul on life.  It was during that time fairness became an invalid claim.  It wasn’t about fair, it was about God’s plan….and his plan is perfect!

So there ends my discussion for this week. Tune in next week for my story through Chapter , 5,6,&7

Now for that giveaway.

I am giving away one PDF  copy of BEING OK WITH WHERE YOU ARE. By Stacey Thacker

Here are my rules

1.you must comment on this blog post to be eligible.

2.in that comment tell me something you hope to grow in through this book and tell me which stage of this blog post (chapter 1,2,3, or 4) impacted/ challenged you the most

 

Next Tuesday I will generate a number on Random.org  and announce the winner in next Tuesdays blog post!

Have a blessed week and good luck!
For more BEING OK stories click here

When Your Husband Makes You Cry!

Posted on by Mary

Whoa there before this gets blown out of proportion, he didn’t do anything wrong!

he is amazing and each and everyday he grows more and more!   But this week, and over the last month I  have seen my husband change, and not for the worse.  He is taking a stand for something he believes in, our family!

Let me first say this, a lot of times Christian wives (particularly pastor’s wives) get the raw end  of the deal.   Both hubby and I find it apalling that pastors use their ministry as an excuse to make their wives single mothers!   This has been a frustration for a VERY long time, mostly because it couldn’t be more wrong!

in our home we have made the committment to sacrifice for each other!  That’s  exactly what our wedding vows said.  That does not mean that I get all of the responsibilty on Sunday mornings for our kids.

Now most people would say that I personally have issues.  That I am a selfish wife and so on and so forth.   I have a problem there to. I didn’t tell my husband to think that, matter of fact my husband will tell you he has actually has asked me to “nag” him on certain things, to which I refuse!.   since we have been married my husband has completed two degrees and is working on a third.  for a couple of years he went to school full time, worked full time and ministered full time,.   We  all made sacrifices.  During  that time I was accused of being selfish .  More or less i was fighting for our family.   To keep it strong and healthy!  But My husband is a very wise man.  I respect his wisdom and knowledge!  But first and foremost we are a team!  Without that team he is ineligible to be a pastor.  That means if we have a bad marriage his job is on the line.  God NEVER intended a job, whether a male or females to come before their marriage!

So why did my hubby make me cry? Continue reading “When Your Husband Makes You Cry!” →

SWAK CARNIVAL! Part 1 How we Met

Posted on by Mary


First off let me say a huge Thanks to Monica for letting me in on this fun Valentines Carnival! How great it is to share our own personal love stories. My personal belief is why read someones else’s romance navels when you are writing your own EVERY DAY! (there is much more to this conviction but that is another post entirely!) Hubby and I met My Sophomore year of College. We attended a Bible College in New York State! We actually didn’t meet through college but through the church we attended. This is a small feat since the school only had 250 students at the time and EVERYBODY KNEW EVERYBODY. I knew two things about hubby back before he was hubby…and that was he had red hair (a huge Plus) and that he plays the violin beautifully! Well we worked in the AWANA program together and he took over the yellow team for me. I was dating someone else at the time and was at the end of that relationship. It was a hurtful relationship. One evening the other guy had to go home and help his parents for the weekend and I had a ministry opportunity with the AWANA program…I asked the boyfriend if I could ride with the red-haired fellow and apparently he didn’t feel threatened and he said yes. SO…I rode with Hubby to the AWANA game night with my hands under my lap and staring at the dash board of his astro van. A few weeks later hubby would be the first to know I broke up with the boyfriend as we Participated in Color Wars together….That was our college’s way to deal with end of the year finals week. Lots of fun activities to deal with the stress. I was on the winning team the year before but this year was going to be difficulty..I was captain of the red team along with another gal and we only had 4 participators so hubby and I saw each other everyday for one activity. At the end of the week I left for home In Pennsylvania and he left for home in the Rochester Area. By the end of the summer I had resolved that I wouldn’t date anyone else from the school and that my soul purpose just as it was when i came to college was to focus on ministry and to enjoy my friends….and that’s exactly what I did starting my junior year! Stay tuned to find out about my first date……

The NEXT Survivor

Posted on by Mary

THANKS RUTH FOR SHARING!!! However i must note that i am not one of those types of women. I can’t do it all..Hubby and I work regularly together as a team..Which has made us so close. I also think that Hubby could beat the pants off of most men. After all he has been known for his time management abilities, I guess that is why he could work 12 to 4 am…go to college full time at one school with24 credit hours and take 6 credits in correspondence courses and still get a 4.0. All the while being an RA in the guys dorm, being engaged and oh so much more!!! I am so proud of him and I know he would succeed! THIS IS A RIOT! THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks. Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes. They will also attend cubs, brownies, sea cadets or similar. There is no fast food. Each man must: take care of his 3 children, keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, also, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of ‘pretend’ bills with not enough money. In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week. Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time–no emailing. Each man must also take each child to a doctor’s appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to A & E He must also make gingerbread men or choc chip cakes for a social function. Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times. The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn themselves with jewelery, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed. During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal pain, persistent lower back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings, but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must attend weekly school meetings, concerts & plays, church, and find time at least once a week, to spend the afternoon in the park or a similar setting. They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am. A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child’s birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size, teachers name, best friends name and doctor’s name. Also the child’s weight at birth, time of birth, and length of labor, each child’s favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up. The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if… he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice. If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right To be called Mother!

Let The Games Begin!

Posted on by Mary

And Boy am I not kidding! As a pastor’s wife Things are crazy As a wife things are crazy But as a mommy things are ALWAYS crazy! That is my life…Always has been always will be! Hubby and I live our lives in a way that is moment by moment you never know how or when it’s going to change. Our kids are a constant source of spontaneity. So when a lot of people have heard about our up coming weeks of seemingly endless travel they feel the need to rain on our parade so to speak. The talk about how awful the kids will be by the end! I am not a naive mother. So many people seem to think that I am that they consistently feel the need to point out life’s little trials. What they fail to realize is that i live with these three little bundles of joy and energy day in and day out! I know their strengths and weaknesses. We know their breaking points better than any other! More than the people who desire to point out the impending “doom” So here’s my proposal: Those who have felt the need to be negative about our life in general…Pray for us! Don’t be negative and don’t take away the joy we have as we endeavor on one of the most exciting times together as a family. yes we will be tired and yes there will be struggles and tantrums….maybe even from the adults, but negative thoughts and comments NEVER help anyone…we are a positive family..we don’t live a life of second guessing, depression, self-pity, weak, fearful, dreaded experiences. We take the bull by the horns and live life to the fullest…Our life can’t get any more full than it already has. Check this out: Apr 18 6 Pm-youth event at our house Apr 19 Phone interview 1 pm with a church in Port St Lucie Fl Apr 20 filling in for pastor who will be away (about 35 minutes away) Apr 21 7 30 Pm Phone interview with church from Illinois Apr 22 i I go to Michigan w/ hubby and after his classes we travel to FL (Apr23) (kids in Tow) for the week. April 27-28 drive back to Michigan for hubby’s classes Apr 30 head home May 4-11th travel to Illinois for canidating at church (Hubby’s going to attempt to go to class that week in Michigan) May 12th head home May 13-14 finals FOR Hubby mAY 17 AND 18TH Hubby’s b-DAY and we will be meeting with one church on Sat and canidating at a church on Sunday in Long Island May 19th come home May 25 Brown St Baptist church In Akron Oh May 26 at my parents for Memorial day–travel home! May31 Tim’s B-day party with grandma and pappy June 1st our last day of church here. It will be closing! It will be a sad day. That is why Tim’s party is on Saturday June 8th Ron is speaking in Skineatles church here in NY a semi local church Yep Life is crazy and yep it’s all worth it. we are a team. We work things out together. That’s one thing that hubby and I are committed too. No matter what else our lives hold…our family is most important to us. After all as a pastor if our family is not under control in working as a team we are not eligible for ministry. So that being said…if you can’t say anything nice ..Pray and tell your feelings to the Lord. He is our source of wisdom and strength. (Thanks Nora for being a great encouragement..anytime you want to “kidnap” our kids..hubby and I would love to take you up on the offer! And it sounds like the two of you could get some practice!) And all that being said….Pray for us..OFTEN!!!!! We will need it..in every way imaginable!