Hello Fears Book : Being Transparent

Transparent

I want nothing to be Transparent

I want to be real and I want to be Transparent I have always wanted to be those things but I also want to be careful not to share too much. That being said I have looked ahead to some of the upcoming questions and I’m gonna be honest at this point in time I cannot share the answers to some of the questions. It doesn’t mean I won’t ever talk or blog about them in the future but for the time being it is just more wise if I keep those answers personal.

All of that being said I will still share some of my answers , I just wanted to be transparent with why I am not answering them all.

So let’s get into some of this weeks Content.

I finally finished Chapter 3 WOOOHOOO! I am actually most of the way through Chapter 4 )I finally feel like I am making progress). There are only 10 chapters in the book but they are HUGE chapters.

Something struck me as interesting that I wanted to talk about from Chapter 3. She was talking about expectations. There can be social expectations and personal expectations and sometimes they intermingle.

Michelle’s Expectations

She talked about how she had expectations for herself and that she had ages tied to them. Well I am here to say I am NOT that Kinda girl. I only really had one expectation that had an age tied to it and that was to go off to college! And that was 19. And big shocker I graduated at 19- flew half way around the world a month after I graduated. came back 11 days before I had to be in the girls dorm. CHECK- but the rest of my expectations were not about when they happened.

9You can Check out Michelle Poler’s Youtube Channel here where thee took on a 100 day project of facing her fears.0

Going to Bible College

There were some assumptions that people made of a girl attending Bible College- They are ridiculous really. BUT nonetheless it is a what people think. Let’s talk about that assumption.

That you are there for your MRS degree.

There are sayings like:

  • Ring by spring or your money back.
  • And various names that turn BIBE in the college’s name to BRIDAL.

That was not me.

BUT that was not me. I had no desire to get married when I headed to college. I had already tasted intense ministry half way around the world. I put my head down I was just doing my job and I had my eyes set on returning to the country I had just come home from. I was addicted to and passionate about serving Jesus and THAT is what I did. Every chance I got.

Along the way I got into some trouble. I was a tomboy. I have two younger brothers. I had all guys friends my senior year. 7 to be exact. We played football, we went to football games. We went to amusement parks and parks Then when I got to bible college I was thrown into the girls dorm. Talk about feeling like I was in another country. The whole time I was in the other country just weeks ealier I never had culture shock, that is until I got home. I suffered from reverse culture shock and then getting thrown into the girls dorm- that was culture shock. All I wanted to do was be bacon that other country.

I sought out friends that I was comfortable with

So I picked out a couple of guys that reminded me of my friends I had left behind. That did not go as I had hoped. They assumed I was looking for a husband. This just kept happening. There was nothing as awful feeling ike you can’t fit anywhere. SO I served wherever I could. This was a detriment to my school work. Then I met a guy. He wanted to be my boyfriend. He made a lot of promises. And then one day he told me ” well if I don’t marry you, who am I going to marry, there is no one a home my age.” I WAS HIS LAST RESORT? Holy Cow!

My Expectations

I didn’t have any.

For a fleeting moment I had an expectation to be married- based on a promise. But when we broke up and I went home on summer break I had a renewed sense of purpose and that was to prepare for full time ministry. That was where I expected to end up. God had closed the doors to the place I had thought I would spend the rest of my life.

I had no idea what full time ministry I would be in but I know two things

  • I wasn’t going to be a pastor’s wife
  • it wasn’t going to be in the country I had thought.

OH and I was going to be single.

But God had different plans

And then I showed up to school. August of 2001. We all know what was about to happen in September and I was about to gain the absolute best friend of my life. Something I have nEVER really had.

I was trusting God for every little piece.

The world may have a boat load of expectations for me.. But I don’t have expectations , I might have dreams, and hopes and I trust That God has a great plan for me..

Yes so I dreamed that I would get married to my now hubby (but not before I tried to hook him up with my then roommate). I was too scared. Once we got married I hoped we would have kids. THAT took a year and a half and a whole lot of trust.

I trusted that I was called into full time ministry and even though I did NOT want to be a pastor’s wife, once I met my hubby I knew that is whatI was called to do.

I had the desire to learn to paint- and I had no idea if that would ever happen but that amazing hubby God gave me – He fostered my passion to create NO matter what form.

And someday I would LOVE to write a book- but I don’t have the EXPECTATION that this will happen.

Sometimes it takes a while to get it

I did these questions a week ago but as I have pondered theses expectations questions and thought about writing this post I came to realize that I trust Jesus and expect and know that he is going to fulfill his promises in Scripture- that he is never going to leave me or forsake me. That he has a plan and purpose for everything in my life and that he’s going to take this really hard things and use them for his glory.

This all comes down to one thing MY PERSPECTIVE.

How do I look at myself and what happens to me? It comes down tony purpose…..HMMMM I have written about these things things this week. My life isn’t about fulfilling my expectations. It’s about loving God with all of my heart soul mind and strength. It’s about pleasing Him not others or myself.

It’s about being transparent with where I am at and how I am trusting the God of the universe to meet my needs!

Thanks so much for Joining me on this journey of Choosing Courage. If you are new here and have not yet heard about by 100 day writing project I encourage you to check out my first post that explains it all here.

Need to catch up? You can check out all the Choosing Courage posts here.

Please remember that I am blogging my way through this book and I have not yet reviewed and and I do not know if I can yet recommend it.

Not Exactly What I Had Planned

Planned

Today did NOT go as Planned! When I woke up this morning I had a long list of things that needed to be done and accomplished. I had goals and intermingled with those goals and tasks were the everyday things like Google meet appointments, helping the kids with school work, making meals and house hold chores. Nothing earth shattering.

But Planned does NOT mean it’s going to happen.

I am a planner by nature. So I live off of to-do lists and getting things done….and then there are days like today…you know the ones. Everything takes WAY longer than it is supposed to. Or everything seems to go wrong or as this morning goes everyone needs something. It’s not a bad thing necessarily but you start something and then you continue to bounce from one thing to the next and it feels like nothing really gets finished. Take our vitamin boxes for example. I needed to fill them up today. Mine is finished after being interrupted 3 different times and I cannot even tell you how many times I lost my coffee cup as I played mommy pinball.

Sometimes we lose sight of what’s most important…..we forget where our strength and endurance comes from. JESUS! When I was sitting waiting for the next surprise IEP meeting to start and I check todays #Hopewriterlife writing challenge over on Instagram and the word for today is HOPE. So this is what came to mind and what I ended up writing…

I don’t have to plan Hope.

And today is the last day of the @hopewritersInstagram wring challenge. It’s been fun for sure but a little taxing on top of the writing challenge I have going on over on my blog. 

Can I tell you though that this week has been crazy busy and crazy messy! But in the middle of all the crazy and messy I still have hope! Because hope isn’t in an empty schedule or a less stressful day. Hope is a person. Hope is Jesus!
If all lease is in complete chaos we can still have peace and comfort and hope! Because HOPE IS IN COMPLETE CONTROL!

No matter the crazy and messy and confusing and overwhelming- HOPE is always there.

And in the middle of all the crazy- I had peace. It was the exact reminder I needed. The words of my own instagram post hit me like a load of bricks. So as much as I wanted to share my answers to the Journaling sections of Hello Fears (book by Michelle Poler) There is always tomorrow!. Those answers aren’t going anywhere.

Have you had any days like that recently?

Thanks so much for joining me for Day 33 of my Choosing Courage 100 day writing project. If you are new here you can check out the rest of the posts here.

2021 Joy Dare

Joy

Welcome to Day 32 of my 100 day writing project! I so enjoy looking for joy in the little things each day and I pray that you are taking the time to find Joy in your days as well. We are commanded to give thanks in all things. That means in the good AND the Bad! and you will see that on day 11- with the 3 Hard Euaristeos )hard gratitude- thankfulness)

Day 10- 3 Gifts moving

  1. The kids and hubby are always on the move
  2. Clouds- the sky is always changing
  3. The seasons- Never Changing

Day 11- 3 Hard eucharisteo

  1. Remembering 9/11
  2. waiting
  3. not knowing what insect- builds faith and trust

Day 12- 3 Gifts in His Word

  1. Hebrews 10:24- purpose statement for the blog
  2. Joshua 1:9 The verse to begin my blog series
  3. James 1:2-4 A great reminder of endurance

Day 13- A gift scented, scrawled, and started

  1. scented- Candles
  2. scrawled- notes to self in my writing notebook
  3. started-New Journey– a new journal, , a new found excitement and passion for writing

Day 14- 3 gifts drawn

  1. all of Child #3’s artwork
  2. Hubby’s sketch of the Dawn Treader
  3. little drawings on the sides of my Journal pages

Day 15- 3 Gifts paired

  1. Hubby and I
  2. SHOES!! It’s awful when you are missing one of every pair!
  3. wireless headphones to my phone. So I can listen and work at age same time!

Day 16-  3 gifts shared

  1. gluten free Oreos with my gluten free partner in crime!
  2. A cup of English Toffee Iced tea from our favorite drive through Coffee Shop!
  3. Laughter over a TV show I loved as a kid- The Belly laughs were intense tonight!

I’m so glad you came by for the Joy Dare this week and I’m praying You all have a fabulous week full of gratitude and Joy!

And how about You what have you found joy in this week?

For more Joy Dare posts click here and for more Choosing Courage Posts click here.

To Check out The Joy Dare and One Thousand Gifts  by Ann Voskamp click here.

Blog on Purpose

purpose

Confession time

I love to write. I always have. But you already knew that. BUT I struggle to write a purpose statement. The point of a purpose statement is that it’s short Concise and easy to remember. But if you have been around here for very long you know that concise isn’t on the of the words that describes how I write.

Well back one month ago as I began this writing journey, I began to consider writing a purpose statement for my blog. I could tell you what the purpose of my blog was but it would not be concise.

It rolled around in my head and I have thought many times how to articulate it. bu nothing ever seemed good enough,

A lesson in every little thing

Back in December when I was living every waking second and some of the not quite awake but not quite asleep moments, praying that God will get me through that moment.

Whether it was moments of pain ( That was the majority of the moments) or laying in the ER waiting for the next procedure You can only count the tiles on the ceiling to many times. I quickly learned that God really did care about every little thing. It was a hard lesson. But by the end of December I was taking every little thing to HIM. I wasn’t fretting about the details anymore.

But How Quickly I Forget

Fast forward to now and I am just hanging out pondering all these details – trying to do all the things myself and then when God shows up I sit mouth gaping at the pastor when he answers a question he didn’t even know was asked.

I mean seriously the WHOLE month of DECEMBER I spent learning this lesson…and I just forgot the lesson.

So about that purpose!

There I was listening- taking notes and BAM

Hebrews 10:24 NLT

24 Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.

That’s exactly what I try to achieve her and on Social media. I want people to grow in their walk with God! I want people to grow in their love and good works!

I cannot tell you the number of times I have read the book of Hebrews and never really noticed that verse.. And yet there it is.

Baby Steps

Over the next few weeks and months there will be some changes here on the blog. She will be getting a facelift. BUT what’s more important is that the bones of this blog are sturdy. And that starts with a rock solid purpose Statement. It is what will be what keeps me on track and not lose sight of what I need to be writing about!

I can have a pretty blog but at the end of the day if I have no purpose or lose sight of my purpose I will not have joy in what I am doing! And right now I am loving what I am doing!

Thank you so much for joining me on this growth journey. That is what this project is….It’s pushing me to grow beyond my comfort zone. And it’s helping me to see just what God wants me to write about.

Thank you for being patient with me as I wobble with each baby step on this journey. If you are new here and you are asking what on earth is this girl talking about? Then you can check out this blog post here and if you have missed any of the blog posts you can check them out here.

See you tomorrow for Day 32!

Weekly Update – Week 4

Update

Wowsers….I cannot believe that we are at our week 4 update! Day 30 to be exact! It’s the longest blogging streak I have ever had and even though I had a glitch with the blogI still wrote the posts and all I had do was copy and paste them into the post template!

Hello Fears Update

HA! I finally finished reading chapter 3. Things have slowed down quite a bit and I am finally settling into a routine. And I finally feeling like I am accomplishing something!

I will be sharing the journaling parts of this chapter and the rest that I accomplish on Friday this week so stay tuned.

courageous

I want tyou to remember that I have not yet reviewed this book and just because I am blogging my way through this book I have not yet recommended it. I will write my review when I am finished with the book!

If you are interested you can Check out Michelle Poler’s Youtube channel here

Family Update

We are well into the soccer season and we have already had two gamed Child #1 and Child #2 are having a lot of fun learning and improving their skills. We are also into our third week of homeschooling and the kids have done great! Even with some of the extra things we have going on. I have been growing leaps and bounds in so many areas and I got the results f my 1 month iron infusion results back. I’m normal…..WELL…….Nevermind! and hubby, well there are some amazing things happening for our family and we are excited to see where God is leading us.

Blogging Update

I am so excited to share some upcoming ideas with you tomorrow. I have had some aha moments this week specifically in church on Sunday. I am constantly amazed just how much God knows us! I shouldn’t be. But then moments happen like Sunday that leave me sitting staring at the pastor (a friend of ours for over 20 years) with my mouth hanging open. I know he didn’t know what has been on my mind. I mean I didn’t even tell my hubby- they have been just ideas swirling around in my head- I haven’t even uttered them in prayer yet. And wow- now I have answers. Stay tuned tomorrow for those details!

What have I learned by Choosing Courage

Perhaps the biggest thing I have learned this week is a mistake or maybe it’s better described as a trap I have fallen into. That trap was something that came to light on Sunday- but I am not talking about that tomorrow . I am going to share that part of Sunday right now.

When I took on this writing project I made a promise to you my readers and to myself that I was going to be Honest where I am at.

So let me be honest

This aha moments started a few weeks ago when I filled out a questionnaire for Pastor’s wives for a potential pastor position for hubby and one of the questions had to do with devotions and Bible study. Now I am a firm believer that you need to have both but sometimes we get confused… we let ourselves get lost in the process of Bible study……We almost have tunnel vision as we seek out the tiny details. It’s not like the Bible becoming a textbook per see- it’s like playing hide n seek with details. We need to study God’s word and we need to understand it and that is very helpful but it can become less personal.

Our pastor on Sunday reminded the congregation of the challenge he brought to them at the beginning of the year (we didn’t attend that church at the time. So we didn’t hear it. He challenged them to be immersed in as much God’s words possible. And I generally do that but something happened …actually a bunch of things happened…..

I Lost my Passion

I lost my passion because of damaging words…words that assumed they knew my heart….knew me. They assumed they could determine my motive because of what I wrote. Sadly as those words flew from their fingertips and their mouths I built a wall….around my heart. but it wasn’t the people…it was God’s word . Because That is where my passion came from. That is what motivated my writing. And when I stopped soaking in the word, my passion crumbled and my words now felt forced.

That list I have of blog post ideas- they were all born out of reading God’s word but as it sat on those planner pages the passion tricked out of them….and as I have tried to revisit them, I cannot pull back that passion out of them.

So what now?

So last night I talked to my friend who is the beginning of my prayer team and shared with her all the things. And so I know where these posts originated from- mostly the epistles- so everyday I am going to read some of them- immersing myself in God’s word again- fueling my passion. I did it last night before bed. I am reading James. Out of verses 3 blog posts were worked on. 1 already existed (on that post list) and 2 more new ones! And the excitement returned. AND there’s no fear.

Don’t wprry I am not giving up on my Bible study either My friend and I decided that I should focus on the study on the weekends. So Philippians will be in baby steps and let the immersion commence.

Thank you so much for doing me for the week 4 update of my Choosing Courage – 100 day writing project. If you want to check out the rest of the posts here