I want nothing to be Transparent
I want to be real and I want to be Transparent I have always wanted to be those things but I also want to be careful not to share too much. That being said I have looked ahead to some of the upcoming questions and I’m gonna be honest at this point in time I cannot share the answers to some of the questions. It doesn’t mean I won’t ever talk or blog about them in the future but for the time being it is just more wise if I keep those answers personal.
All of that being said I will still share some of my answers , I just wanted to be transparent with why I am not answering them all.
So let’s get into some of this weeks Content.
I finally finished Chapter 3 WOOOHOOO! I am actually most of the way through Chapter 4 )I finally feel like I am making progress). There are only 10 chapters in the book but they are HUGE chapters.
Something struck me as interesting that I wanted to talk about from Chapter 3. She was talking about expectations. There can be social expectations and personal expectations and sometimes they intermingle.
Michelle’s Expectations
She talked about how she had expectations for herself and that she had ages tied to them. Well I am here to say I am NOT that Kinda girl. I only really had one expectation that had an age tied to it and that was to go off to college! And that was 19. And big shocker I graduated at 19- flew half way around the world a month after I graduated. came back 11 days before I had to be in the girls dorm. CHECK- but the rest of my expectations were not about when they happened.
9You can Check out Michelle Poler’s Youtube Channel here where thee took on a 100 day project of facing her fears.0
Going to Bible College
There were some assumptions that people made of a girl attending Bible College- They are ridiculous really. BUT nonetheless it is a what people think. Let’s talk about that assumption.
That you are there for your MRS degree.
There are sayings like:
- Ring by spring or your money back.
- And various names that turn BIBE in the college’s name to BRIDAL.
That was not me.
BUT that was not me. I had no desire to get married when I headed to college. I had already tasted intense ministry half way around the world. I put my head down I was just doing my job and I had my eyes set on returning to the country I had just come home from. I was addicted to and passionate about serving Jesus and THAT is what I did. Every chance I got.
Along the way I got into some trouble. I was a tomboy. I have two younger brothers. I had all guys friends my senior year. 7 to be exact. We played football, we went to football games. We went to amusement parks and parks Then when I got to bible college I was thrown into the girls dorm. Talk about feeling like I was in another country. The whole time I was in the other country just weeks ealier I never had culture shock, that is until I got home. I suffered from reverse culture shock and then getting thrown into the girls dorm- that was culture shock. All I wanted to do was be bacon that other country.
I sought out friends that I was comfortable with
So I picked out a couple of guys that reminded me of my friends I had left behind. That did not go as I had hoped. They assumed I was looking for a husband. This just kept happening. There was nothing as awful feeling ike you can’t fit anywhere. SO I served wherever I could. This was a detriment to my school work. Then I met a guy. He wanted to be my boyfriend. He made a lot of promises. And then one day he told me ” well if I don’t marry you, who am I going to marry, there is no one a home my age.” I WAS HIS LAST RESORT? Holy Cow!
My Expectations
I didn’t have any.
For a fleeting moment I had an expectation to be married- based on a promise. But when we broke up and I went home on summer break I had a renewed sense of purpose and that was to prepare for full time ministry. That was where I expected to end up. God had closed the doors to the place I had thought I would spend the rest of my life.
I had no idea what full time ministry I would be in but I know two things
- I wasn’t going to be a pastor’s wife
- it wasn’t going to be in the country I had thought.
OH and I was going to be single.
But God had different plans
And then I showed up to school. August of 2001. We all know what was about to happen in September and I was about to gain the absolute best friend of my life. Something I have nEVER really had.
I was trusting God for every little piece.
The world may have a boat load of expectations for me.. But I don’t have expectations , I might have dreams, and hopes and I trust That God has a great plan for me..
Yes so I dreamed that I would get married to my now hubby (but not before I tried to hook him up with my then roommate). I was too scared. Once we got married I hoped we would have kids. THAT took a year and a half and a whole lot of trust.
I trusted that I was called into full time ministry and even though I did NOT want to be a pastor’s wife, once I met my hubby I knew that is whatI was called to do.
I had the desire to learn to paint- and I had no idea if that would ever happen but that amazing hubby God gave me – He fostered my passion to create NO matter what form.
And someday I would LOVE to write a book- but I don’t have the EXPECTATION that this will happen.
Sometimes it takes a while to get it
I did these questions a week ago but as I have pondered theses expectations questions and thought about writing this post I came to realize that I trust Jesus and expect and know that he is going to fulfill his promises in Scripture- that he is never going to leave me or forsake me. That he has a plan and purpose for everything in my life and that he’s going to take this really hard things and use them for his glory.
This all comes down to one thing MY PERSPECTIVE.
How do I look at myself and what happens to me? It comes down tony purpose…..HMMMM I have written about these things things this week. My life isn’t about fulfilling my expectations. It’s about loving God with all of my heart soul mind and strength. It’s about pleasing Him not others or myself.
It’s about being transparent with where I am at and how I am trusting the God of the universe to meet my needs!
Thanks so much for Joining me on this journey of Choosing Courage. If you are new here and have not yet heard about by 100 day writing project I encourage you to check out my first post that explains it all here.
Need to catch up? You can check out all the Choosing Courage posts here.
Please remember that I am blogging my way through this book and I have not yet reviewed and and I do not know if I can yet recommend it.
