I will be completely honest with you-the last two weeks have been the HARDEST weeks I have ever had!
I wrote on Monday last week how crazy our life has been and how I have had a major case of writers block. Well just as the gray skies have cleared here on the east coast so has my head!
My life is a myriad of things but first and foremost my life is a life of service. not to everyone…not to my husband or my children but an outpouring of my love for God and that is why I take Care of everyone one around me. My whole life-EVERY ASPRCT. Night or day, my home, our cars, our camper,even my children have very unusual servant’s hearts EVEN FOR THEIR AGE-they amaze me and I am so very grateful for them!
If I am not serving I have a very deep sense of incompleteness. I am not fulfilling what God has called me to do!
Before last Wednesday i had not been to church in two weeks! Why? No I am not being a rebellious Pastor’s wife…..But in one word SICKNESS! I have missed more church this winter than I have my ENTIRE adult life!
Lady Bug was the worst 10 or 11 days i lost count! She threw up pretty much everything she had put in and just as quickly as she put it in it came right back for a second visit. I have never had a child this sick before. And there was nothing i could do to help the poor girl-just pray. Then the bursts of screams started about sharp belly, back and leg pain Again nothing i could do BUT PRAY!.
I missed Easter, sleep deprivation, hubby sick, Me sick, Death of a family friend, murder of a past church member (Yes I said Murder) though i did not know her it devastated many people in our church!, A terrible incident with the physicians Assistant at our doctors office that would justifiably make any good mother angry that her 4 year old was treated in such a manor, #1 son sick, the death of a very faithful church attender. YEP that was two weeks in a nutshell.
On a whole it has been a very difficult 6 or 7 months. I have lost 1 uncle and two aunts, we lost a college friend who was my age, an old friend lost a baby to Potters Syndrome. We have been paying close attention to the fact that the little girl who was one of our flower girls in our wedding is struggling with sickle cell anemia- I haven’t seen her in quite a few yeas but she holds a very special place in my heart and I love her dearly!
We are working with our family doctor to rectify the weight (or lack there of) of our youngest and the possibility of a tonsillectomy for our three year old. Not to mention i have had some health issues of my own.
SOOOOOO there is a reason for re-counting each of these things and it is NOT about throwing myself a pity party nor do I want you to throw one for me either!!!!!
This is a response to someone who decided to comment on my Facebook status on Tuesday Morning. Now I want to make something VERY clear. I am not angry with this person/ This certainly just my personal thoughts and my growth process as I worked through this And to that person I have to say THANK YOU! I know it is not what you intended but then again…My life has not been about what I intended either!. (this conversation has been removed from FB to protect the innocent 😉
my status Read like this
Me:Words have not been invented to describe my morning
Friend : Redeemable?
Me: I am most certainly going to give it my best shot….so it should get better!
Friend: don’t give it your best shot- Give it to God He’ll do way better with it than you could ever imagine. I have had many of those days lately one fail after another. they were my failures though. Cuz I wouldn’t let him lead.
OK let’s park it right there for a minute. My sadness/despair/grief was not based in failure at all. She assumed she knew exactly what was going on with me – she placed me into her circumstances. Instead of asking me “how best can I pray for you” Or “is there anything I can do to help” she simply passed judgement. This does so much harm in so many cases.
Everything she said was true if in fact I was in her shoes BUT I wasn’t I was and still am dealing with circumstances were completely outside of my control, which now needless to say included her words and innuendos of failure (another circumstance i could not have controlled) She said them and they were etched into my brain.
I was also right though in saying what i said about giving it my best shot! , because there is only one thing i can control when I am trials such as these. And that is my attitude and my perspective. To which I did loose my battle with that day and I blame no one else but myself. No one made me choose the defeatist attitude BUT me!
SO if anything else I want to thank her which I said before and yes I wrote that correctly!!! I know she only meant to encourage me and lift me up. I know her intentions were pure of heart and not for pain BUT she did make me painfully aware that I too do the same thing…WE ALL DO! We all assume That we know exactly what another person is going through or experiencing. BUT no matter what the circumstances they will never be the exact same thing.
i will leave you with this thought from the youth ministries Prof I had at Bible college
“meet them where they are, not where you want them to be.”
the ministry of encouragement is not about changing a persons perspectivebut helping them through the murky unsure waters. Afterall we are called to be God’s Promise Keepers….
2 Corinthians 1 :3-5
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.
The Holy Bible : English standard version. 2001 (2 Co 1:3–5). Wheaton: Standard Bible Society.
