I don’t know a whole lot about horses. I have been around them a few times. I enjoy riding though not very skilled at it. I love their majesty. They have a certain elegance. As of late I have also been thinking about parenting techniques.
When we were at seminary we were bombarded with a million different theories by a million different people. (Yes every person has their own theory) And as much as I would like to be post modern and say that whatever works for you but my view has changed over these last few months as I have dealt with a sneaky, stubborn, strong-willed child. I am a firm believer in spankings. I believe that when the Biblical author wrote if you spare the rod you spoil the child. That can go too far. In seminary we had friends that spanked for everything…even when children were clueless…what Dobson refers to as “childish Irresponsibility” I have a small problem with that phrase. As I have understood it childish irresponsibility should not be punished..he also gives an example of childish irresponsibility as breaking toys….
so lets talk about that. If I should not discipline or punish m child for breaking his toys what Am I communicating? Things aren’t important….good to a certain extent however if he (meaning Tornado) can’t respect his own things what makes me think he will respect cousin Johnny’s nice things when he goes to play at his house. The same holds true with furniture. If we let Tornado jump on an “old couch” is he going to respect Deacon so and so’s house when we are visiting for dinner?
At seminary there were a lot of people who told us that’s just what kids do….but my question is is how do you go from “letting kids do what kids do” to a law abiding citizen who does not think it above himself to do as he sees fit. the same could be said of Teens. Todays teens are going to be….let’s see can I fill in the blank here mouthy, rebellious, limit pushing, drug experimenting, alcohol drinking, sexually active and so on. Parents have to step in somewhere….
So by now you are asking yourself what exactly does horses have to do with parenting? Well let’s explore what I have been thinking about for the last few weeks.
Foals…baby horses are born either in the wild or in some form of domesticated arrangement. A wild foal has no training and no boundaries…hence if and when it is captured it rebels. Against fences against reins and even riders….Riders have the control. Domesticated horses are used to boundaries but still have a wild spirit…they just like wild horses must be broken.
So how are horses broken..with a bit and bridal…The first trick is getting it in. A bit goes in the horses mouth and the bridal which is attached to the bit slips over the horses head. The reins are attached to the harness. Now at this point the horse will be led around the corral or training circle. Horses in general rebel to this because it is uncomfortable. Once a horse has done well with this training it is then time t addle saddle again another uncomfortable situation where a leather piece is put on your back and strapped around your belly (ask my hubby how comfortable this was)
After some time of training with the saddle you then add a rider. Now what a burden and on top of that the rider had the reins in his had which is attached to the bridal, which is attached to the bit in the horse mouth. and every time the RIDER wants the horse to turn right or left or stop guess what happens. The reins get used which pulls the head which has the bridal around it which is attached to the bit which is in the horses mouth…Can you say UNCOMFORTABLE!!
Now there is one more bit of information that a horse rider need to know..Do you know where the phrase “to spur someone On” comes from? You guessed it!! It’s an equestrian phrase. Cowboys used to where spurs on their boots. Those spurs were used to move the hose. Today you put your heels in the sides of the horses and squeeze. ( I am not very good at this…You need really strong legs!!) But as your guessed this does not feels good….but it gets them to move …fast!
So what am i getting at? Well I’ll tell you. When you have babies you given them boundaries. A crib, bassinet or cradle is their first boundary. You wouldn’t or at least shouldn’t lay them on a bed or they would fall off. Then there’s the play pen when they are older and child gates which keeps them out of harms way especially if mommy is cooking….my mom was scalded as a young child because she was underfoot as my grandmother was cooking.
Those things aren’t comfortable..they are like the wild horses put in a coral for the first time. they stand at the gate and cry. Then comes the bridal and reins so to speak….the discipline that comes from the rider, we the parents. At this point they need guidance….they touch glass, you spank their hand..just as a warning. The injury they will incur from the glass would be much greater than the slight spank of the hand…just as a horse who fights the handler the reins are pulled ever so slightly as a reminder of who’s boss! That gets you to about 18 months..
Then comes the two year old testing limits and boundaries….just like a wild horse ready to break free….but who will win.. Will the handler break him or will the horse break free and run. A lot of Childhood psychologists agree, this is where a lot of progress or trouble can be made…I am in the thick of this right now. Consistency is key. Yelling just scares a horse and a child and threats mean nothing to the wild stallion!
From the basis that is set in Toddler and preschool years comes the5 through8 year old range. this is where boundaries are tested again. But this time the rider has put on the saddle so to speak. A story comes to mind about my parent’s neighbors. It is a two-fold application to this analogy. They had miniature horses when we moved in next to them. They had once been trained to be ridden but for many years had not been ridden and just left to graze as they had seen fit. they had little to no interaction with people and one day the family had an Amish man come and tear down the rickety old barn that was on there property…the problem was it was in the midst of the horses grazing field. two out of the three were calm laid back horses (females I might add 😉 ) Well the male black horse was not fond of this guy being in his territory and with no provocation kicked and bit the Amish man. The Amish man was not happy butwhen our neighbor said he would have the horse put down the Amish Man said he would take the horse and retrain him. A few weeks later our neighbor tried riding one of the other two horses bareback. As soon as he was on her back the horse fell to her knees and belly and began to roll..with our neighbor still on her back.
So what was wrong with that horse? Two things…..that horse had not been ridden in almost 10 years and the guys was too heavy for the horse. If we let our kids slide by through the 4 to eight year old stage…we are going to have severe problems when it comes to the tween and teen stages. But in the same way if we make the burden too heavy we will have a different dort of rebellion on our hands.
I am a people watcher by nature. I would much rather learn from other people’s mistakes than go through it myself and learn the hard way. I have learned from watching parents in both arenas. I think that is a huge key that Parents have involvement in every area of kids lives. One thing I learned while at a Christian high school and then again in Christian college is that just because it has Christian at the beginning of it does not mean that everyone who is there is A) a good role model B) Saved And C) good for our kids to be around 24/7 . Kids need to be held accountable for where they have been and what they have been doing and who they have been hanging out with. I know it’s not always Ideal but families who make it a priority to sit and have meals together with out it being rushed or grab food and go sort of atmosphere have a closer relationship with their kids. At this age our kids don’t have a choice, but this is something that we will enforce with our kids. again They may not like it…It may be uncomfortable for them but as parents God has given us this outline :Train up a child in the way they should go and they will not depart from it.” Training is an everyday thing not just a when I feel like it thing or I’m going to give them a break sort of thing. You would not leave a wild stallion out in a pasture to graze after only a day of training would you…..It’s only after many days, weeks, months or even years before you would give a stallion that kind of freedom.
I am not saying I have it all together. I am still learning and critiquing every move I make. This was an Aha moment this morning as I lay in bed thinking and praying about my little wild stallion….and maybe just maybe with the right balance of discipline and training I will have a champion Black Stallion of my own…And I will only have God to praise for it!
