It’s necessary! It is not easy by any sense of the term but God calls us to it!
“Confess your sins one to another” – James 5:16
But that verse doesn’t stop there. Directly after the command to confess is to pray for one another. We need accountability but we need good accountability.
Now I am a pastor’s wife and I am a ministry leader. I teach women God’s Word whether I am speaking it OR living it and I have to be very careful how I handle myself. I have to be loving, patient, and kind along with not having a judgmental attitude. It’s not easy since I am human after all and there are times I fail….and fail horribly at that!
Not only do I hold people accountable but I also need to be held accountable! I am not excluded from sin or temptation…..and finding the right accountability partner was NOT an easy task either! So how on earth did I do it?
First of all by a lot of prayer: for the right person, for a right attitude for me, for honesty and openness, and for strength and trust. It takes a lot to trust someone with the deepest and darkest recesses of your heart.
Secondly by trial and error. It’s not easy being a pastor’s wife and seeking this sort of relationship, let alone normal friendships. I received many “I don’t have time for that”, or I already have people like that, or worse yet those who say they will and never do.
Another big part of this is discerning when the accountability partner may not be right. This has happened on more than one occasion to me. If you can’t finish a thought without them jumping to conclusions and thinking they know it all then it’s a bad idea. If you share a dream, idea or something you believe God is prompting you to do and they shut you down or they try to put you where they are, it’s probably not a good idea. If they don’t pray with you (not just for you) then they might not be praying for you at all. Praying with someone speaks volumes! Finally they need to be asking the hard questions. Have you done your devotions and what have you learned? Have you watched something you should not have? Have you been following your diet or have you been exercising? What are your goals and what do you want to accomplish? All of these questions show a genuine concern and is encouraging as well as shows a desire for you to grow.
Thirdly…don’t give up. Whether it’s the search or the hard questions you need to be willing to grow. You may get hurt or you may not; either way don’t let bitterness creep in. Just take it as a lesson learned and move on! Better yet move FORWARD!
The most important thing is finding someone who wants to be used of God to help you grow. All that being said, this was a hard road for me that spanned nearly four years and God has finally brought the right person around. Actually we have been friends for pretty close to nine years and she lives in Ohio and I in New York. We can’t always call on Thursday nights like we have planned but we aren’t giving up. We are fighting for each other and that is the most important thing! We don’t pay lip service….we actually care!
