Have you ever felt like the image ? Like your words have been hacked to pieces? I find myself as a mom asking the question “Am I speaking a completely different language?
I think we go through life sometimes feeling like we are…Speaking a different language that is. We all want. to be heard and listened too. And if we are honest we all struggle with not being heard at various points in our lives. We feel misunderstood and ignored.
As moms
I can give the same instruction all day long or give the same piece of information 7 or 8 times and when 5 o’clock rolls around they still have the same burning question, “what’s for dinner”.
As a human I hate this- because I feel like all those words fell on deaf ears, like what I said wasn’t important.
But as an introvert I hate them even more- because those words represent something greater- ENERGY. AND interrupted focus. Usually the 7 versions of what’s for dinner are asked while I am deep in thought while I am doing something….like making dinner.
Dinner is just a fun example though, it’s became somewhat of a joke in our house….
This is the conversation:
Kids 1-4 at various times throughout the day” Mom what’s for dinner?
Mom Food
Kids (with a sigh): what kind of food
Mom Yummy Food
Kids MOM!!!! (all while groaning rolling their eyes and/or whining)
Mom: Look at the menu on the fridge.
The answer has been there all along written on a magnetic white board on the fridge
And yet that too goes unnoticed (The older two have finally caught on). But I struggled with why I took the time to tell them (or write it down) because it didn’t feel like it at all mattered.
Not just dinner
- Put this away….
- Take this to your room…..
- Do your chores…
- Do your homework…..
- Don’t hit your brother….
- Don’t kick your sister…..
- Don’t lick the dog, table, brother, sister, me…..(wait what?)
- and the list goes on and on….
Only to find the item moved from the kitchen table to the entryway……Kids playing legos instead of cleaning their room, an artist drawing like crazy instead of doing his homework, everyone in an argument fighting over something, somebody or something getting licked (wait what? – It’s an autism thing) and I am left standing there feeling like a broken record and like I am speaking a completely different language.
Mamas DON’T give Up. CONSISITENCY IS KEY even if you feel like your words are wasted. They aren’t. That patience training you have been teaching your kids – you know the love each other speech, be kind…if you can’t say anything nice…..You know the one…..It’s not really falling on deaf ears. (Just make sure you are living it too)
A few years ago
I was REALLY struggling with this. We had 3 Pre-teens in our house 6th, 7th and 8th graders to be exact. I was pretty sure I had failed as a parent (as a side note- you should NEVER base your parenting on pre-teens…..N.E.V.E.R. ) Actually don’t judge your parenting at all. Do your best teach your children God’s word and be a living breathing example of Jesus, because here’s the thing. They have this nasty little thing called free will. They aren’t little robots as much as we try to train them to be.
We too often claim “Train up a child I the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it.” as a promise but the reality is Proverbs is a book of wisdom….as in wise sayings. Both my hubby and our pastor teach this. We have too often been taught that you can claim these verses as promises BUT they aren’t promises.
Our pastor used this example of crossing the road.
We tell our kids “Don’t cross the road without looking both ways, otherwise you will get hit by a car. ” I’ve said it…..and our child crossed the road without looking both ways and didn’t get hit by a car. Was I lying? No I was just giving a piece of wisdom. Does it mean that if you do look both ways that you won’t get hit by a car? NO. It means you are less likely to be hit by a car. The same is true with that proverb.
Our wasted words aren’t so wasted
So in the middle of feeling like I had failed with these three pre-teens who seemed to have woken up one day with hatred towards each other something began to take shape. I began to see these three work together in public.. They were helpful and kind not just to other people but to each other. And then it started to move home. They became buddies especially the older two. Who were my biggest fighters.
Then one day we were having a conversation about something…don’t remember what…..and the end statement that our daughter said was “but you and dad have taught what it really means to love other people.”
My words and my time weren’t wasted . I wasn’t failing. The reality of the matter was we are raising a bunch of sinful human beings. And they have to work out and practice what we have taught them and sometimes they get it wrong and I will feel like a broken record again and again and again.
Letting Go
I just need to remain consistent. AND PRAY! LOTS AND LOTS OF PRAYER. And trust God that He loves them far more than I ever could which is hard to wrap my brain around but it’s true. I need to remember that I am not defined by how my children turn out. I can do all the best things and in the end they have a choice- they have free will- and they are accountable. Yes we all make mistakes, we can learn from them and change. That’s humility.
I know that it feels like our teaching and training and truth are falling on deaf ears but as these children grow up they will remember back to the things that you have taught them and the example that you’re to them. They won’t be able to shake it.
What is something that makes you feel like you are a broken record? Have you seen your children change over time?
Thanks for joining me today for day 81 of My Choosing Courage 100 day writing project. You can check out the rest of the writing project posts here.
Magnetic write board from Arteza here (not an affiliate link)
Stay tuned for more Wasted words posts!
