Dear Weary Mon- How To Deal With Gossip

Hi, my dear weary friends!  I must confess that this week has been my weariest in some time!

Weasel, our five year old autistic son fell Tuesday while helping his daddy in the garage.  He didn’t fall hard but split open his knee and got 5 staples!  There is a whole lot that goes into that process but that is for another day and time!  Then there’s that pink antibiotic he has to take now to fight off any infection BUT. I cringe each and every time I have to give it to him!   You see red food dye is one of his triggers.  It induces screaming, verbal and motor tics, uncontrolled outbursts and on and on.

Matter of fact this was my post from  facebook yesterday expressing just a tad of my frustration,

“To the person who thought it was a good idea to put dye into the medicine my child needs, you and I need to have a long talk, AND YOU NEED TO BABYSIT!  Thank you”

But in all reality those are little things…it makes me shake my head to say that!   Anyway there was more to my week.  More that frustrated me, and what’s more hurt me far deeper than anything I have felt in quite some time.

IN ONE WORD-GOSSIP.

Not amongst acquaintances, not amongst church family, not amongst friends but amongst family members…..not to mention some of my favorites!  I really can’t express the hurt it caused,, but as the day went on and I thought and prayed, i the conviction in my heart grew to confront it, but how.   I never do that stuff publicly BUT this time was different.  At first my response was pure mother bear…go out and rip their faces of…yes this “little” incident involved a bunch of family members determining there was not a thing wrong with him…yes I know there are half a million injustices in this whole little scenario, but I’m not here to go into that…maybe later.

As i thought and prayed throughout the day one person kept coming to mind….Jesus.

Jesus was the most falsely accused person of all times.  He was SINLESS and GUILTLESS.  And yet he was still beaten, spit on and crucified.  He was punished for all of the things people falsely accused him of.

Now as we think about these things, how do you think that this all came to be?  Did a mob of people all randomly show up in the Garden of Gethsemane and decide to try him as a criminal?  No.  And we see that through the gospels as the pharisees and other religious leaders became more uncomfortable we see more talking behind his back.   “And the reasoned amongst themselves” , we see it often in the gospels.  They would try to catch Jesus up, they wanted to see him not  be who he said he was.   But amazingly Jesus always knew their heart condition, and could answer immediately.  I’m not Jesus.  I had to think.  I had to pray. i had to cool off.

The major question I had was ” how did Jesus respond to the back-biting, gossiping, all-knowing attitudes of those around him?”  The answer..calm, concise direct…almost always not directed at one single person but broad to cover all”

Ok so now i knew how to respond but the words failed and so I prayed and then about 7 Tuesday evening it came like a flood.  I posted it to Facebook and moved on.  

There have always been a lot of this through school, college and life in general.  I have been taught repeatedly to hate the sin not the sinner.  I have forgiven despite the lack of apology.  But dear weary mom, no matter your circumstances.  Whether the gossip is true or unfounded, whether or not you know about it. Gossip hurts, it hurts a lot.  I have cried those tears too. Especially when it comes to our kids, it’s hard. No one fully understands, they never can, but we can look to the one who suffered greatly for no reason.  He had no sin.  He didn’t retaliate, he didn’t hurt them, he forgave them.  He covered them with his blood.  He uttered “Father forgive them for they know not what the do.

I know it feels impossible.  But you can!  You can forgive because you are forgiven.

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Dear Weary Mom, Lay Them Down

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Dear Weary Mom,

Yeah you..I’ m talking to you..matter of fact I’m talking to all of you! Me too! This is going to serve as a reminder to myself as well.

I’m sure we have all heard of a call to arms, or a call to lay down arms but today I want to call all of you to lay down your ideals. Yes your ideals! They are holding you back, causing guilt, a sense of Failure, and discontent.

Ideals are rooted in perfection.
They may look something like this……

“My children will be potty trained just after they turn two”

“My home will always be in order when i go to bed at night”

“My children will sit quietly and read a book, while I talk on the phone”

“I will be calm and patient in every circumstance”

Do these sound familiar? I hope so! These were only a few of my ideals. I must confess that my ideals were a mile long when we got married.

Maybe your ideals were a large family, or a small family, or a family, but maybe that’s not what happened. Maybe you had a 5 year plan….with kids every two years BUT All of a sudden you find yourself 4 kiddos in 5 tears (GUILTY)

Maybe you had the ideals for your kids….they would talk by a certain age, walk by a certain age, read and write, college!

They are all things that we tuck into our head….some of them are dreams and goals, but at some point they move from just dreams and goals to ideals. And from there we somehow place our success and failure into whether or not our ideals are met.

Let’s be honest there is only one man and woman who had a shot at living the ideal, but they made a terrible choice.a choice that would affect every person born until Jesus, and every person after him! You see the ideal wasn’t good enough for Adam and Eve….and that is what we long for to have back (yeah it took me a while to wrap my brain around that one). I fight every day for the very thing adam and eve chose to give up.

That’s what the Israelites fought for in the Old Testament and it’s what the Pharisees demanded in the New Testament and it is what we lie to ourselves each and everyday for when we tell ourselves ” i can’t even get the dishes done, i have failed AGAIN”

This is where grace comes in….it’s not until God gave grace through Jesus that the ideal was met. Grace is perfection in Jesus. You won’t be perfect until you get to heaven. So Jesus gave you grace, you weren’t perfect before that, so embrace that grace to yourself, lay down the ideals that were unrealistic to begin with and live each day with one thing in mind…

In whatever you eat or whatever you drink or whatever you do , so ALL to the glory of God
1 Corinthians 10:31
(From memory. Emphasis added)

When this is your focus, those ideals seem to slip away and you know that you are doing your best…..and that’s all that God asks of you.

So today lay down those ideals….at the feet of Jesus, and live each moment to the glory of God!

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HOPE FOR THE WEARY MOM

Dear Weary Mom

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Dear Weary mom,

if your week has been anything like my week, it’s no wonder we are weary :). Unfortunately my weekend holds no hope of rest!

Tomorrow is graduation night for a couple of girls in our youth group,(and I wouldn’t miss this for the world! Those girls mean a lot to me) Saturday morning hubby has a funeral to do and two hours after said funeral, he has to be at church for a wedding he is doubg as well. then there is all of the Sunday activities. I love being a pastors wife, and it is my calling! But it’s no wonder we as moms get so weary…..notice how there wasn’t any family events in there! So add four kids to the mix…and a dog! WHEW. I am exhausted already.

there comes a point though that I find that I am reminding myself that someday i won’t have to do all these things. as we live these broken lives in a fallen world, there is no such thing as perfect peace and rest. How many times have you fallen into bed totally exhausted just to wake up a few short hours for any number of reasons.

1. A sick child
2. Insomnia–for who knows why!
3. Dreams/ nightmares
4. You hear a noise—or you THINK you heard a noise
5. Worry for some reason, they all vary depending on what’s going on in your life at the time.

And the list could go on and on and on, and it usually does. Butjust like my weekend is full and holds no hope of rest, neither does his world. But there will come a day dear friend where we will have PERFECT (yes i mean perfect as in FLAWLESS) peace and rest. We will no longer be weary moms!

ALL. Of those reasons I listed above, and ALL of your reasons you added to it, will NEVER happen again.

What joy that brings my heart….seriously. I feel at times this life will drag on for eternity, but it won’t. Every birthday and holiday is a reminder of just how fast time flies!

I hope that is an encouragement to you as it is to me. No I don’t want to rush through this amazing life God has given me. But on those super hard days, weeks, months, or yes even years, that one thought of one day reaching that perfect peace and God promises, makes me be able to face one more day!

I think that’s why God gives us a glimpse of what’s not going to be in heaven more than what is. We understand the hurts and pains of this life right now, and to not have to go through them someday is HOPE! As for what is going to be there….it’s far too hard for us to understand that because it’s nothing like we have ever seen!

So my dear friend yes this life is wearisome. Monotony is all around us….our schedules keep us hopping and exhausted, and our kids love us and drive us crazy all at the same time, but yet when all this seems to be dragging on we have hope of true perfect peace and rest. May you cling to that hope til you reach it, I know I will!

 

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Dear Weary Mama..It’s Getting Late

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Dear Weary Mom,
It is 10 minutes to 8 here on the East Coast. I know where each one of my four not so perfect babes are……are they in bed? Unfortunately NO! They are watching a video in the next room. But for some of you exhausted mamas you are waging a battle, a battle I sometimes too have to wage. It is something some have mastered. I thought I had, until our 5 year old started not being able to sleep!

The battle is bed time. I know you are thinking oh no here she goes….she’s gonna tell me her fail proof method that works great for her kids but will inevitably fail with mine. Nope not gonna do it. I know as we wage this battle with our special needs son God has brought it to my attention that nothing works for everyone! Matter of fact what we do doesn’t work for our five year old!

Oh dear mama i know that people have opinions about everything, from co-sleeping to strict bed times to no bed time at all. And a lot of it is unsolicited and let’s be honest that most of it makes us feel as though we have failed!

Well i’m not here to judge, condemn or suggest. I’m here to remind!

To remind you that God sees you choking back the tears as you hold a child who is fighting sleep and you are just so weary, you don’t know how you have the strength to hold yourself up let alone them. And He makes your arms strong.

To remind you that God loves you, even though you feel alone as you struggle to keep wiggling bodies in their beds as you chase one or two or three more down the hall. And He speaks truth to your heart…”i will never leave”

To remind you God hears those prayers you feel are bouncing off the ceiling as you watch a struggling child. Whether it’s in health, or friendships, or their way in life. And He answers.

To remind you that God has written the big picture. He knows everything that is going to happen and is surprised by nothing! He knows the emotions you will feel before you feel it. His heart aches in your sadness. He smiles at your joy. He understands your frustration. After all He is our Father watching us go through similar growing pains

But most of all Dear Weary mama, I am here to pray for you! Yes even in my very own weariness (ahem i mean i struggle with everything i just mentioned…i needed to hear it too) I want to pray for you! When I take my eyes off myself and see those around me who are struggling as well I become a warrior despite my weakness!

Dear Heavenly Father,
I pray for all the mamas out there who are struggling with this crazy thing called bedtime. Some mamas have it easy Lord and thank you for that blessing and Lord there are those mamas out there that for whatever reason has a child or children who have struggles sleeping, which then makes those poor mamas even more weary. Lord I pray that those mamas might be able to get their sweet children down to bed and have the best night’s rest. And Lord for those who won’t get that tonight I pray that they would find perfect rest in you. That in their weariness they would seek you!
Thank you for all the weary mamas out there
In Jesus’ name Amen

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