This morning my heart is shaken. Tears have not yet come…this morning, but they have flown freely over the last month or so.
I’m sure we have witnessed people (or ourselves) make some over the top, huge mistakes. But the biggest mistake anyone single person could make is walking away from their faith in God!
I have watched this happen on two occasions. One who decided to leave her husband for a man she met online in Pakistan. The other a young lady who just two short months ago only wanted what God wanted for her…and then came along a young man who changed all that….she sacrificed her faith for an unbeliever!
My heart sank as I have read the facebook posts over the last two months., i commented speaking truth only in love. But sometimes the truth hurts…A LOT! I made a promise quite a few years ago about having a watchful eye. For dangerous things…and i have kept my promise. But last night as i tossed and turned fighting a heavy burden, God urged me to move. You see about three weeks ago I felt compelled to go talk to her I sent her mom a message and it took a little longer than usual but during that time God laid this sense of wait on my heart…i didn’t know why but I did….i waited 3 weeks. Last night wait turned to move now. She was going to move out of her parents house! Away from any Godly influence. Now was the time but what was I going to do? I knew.
This young lady five 1/2 years ago served as my moms helper when my dear hubby was commuting once a week from NY to Michigan. I was pregnant with our third child and then had him during that first semester. her family and ours had Thanksgiving. her mom and I were best friends. she was at my house at least two days a week! I had built report with her. I had kind of mentored her…and then we moved.
She will be coming to stay with us for a few months….hard decision …no not really. Will it be a challenge oh yeah, the will be four first born children in this h house. She will have to live by our family rules and give up somethings she doesn’t want to necessarily. But she has chosen to come be a part of our family. She has been there already once before. And hopefully i can work with her without the distractions of the outside world. Please pray for us. We know this is going to be a difficult road, but this in this moment is what God wants for us! THIS won’t kill us so it will make us Stronger! This is God saying what will you do for me? This is us saying….ANYTHING!
We count this a blessing that her parents are willing to let us help! We pray her heart will be open to God for it is Him and Him alone than changes hearts and lives!
What would you be willing to do for your friends in this situation? Is God asking you to reach out to someone? Is He asking you to be Jesus to someone turning their back on their Savior? I can’t just look away. I care too much! I have often looked at her as another child and this time she will be staying with us!
I want to first say a HUGE thank you to Stacey Thacker for letting me be on the launch team for this book. It has been a real pleasure reading and no re-reading the book!
So each Tuesday for the Month of September we will be sharing our stories as we have walked through this book.
For me specifically I will be sharing two different journeys God has brought me through. You will see some similarities, but hopefully you will see some differences too!
So let’s get Started, shall we?
Chapter 1.Admit It
The year was 1996, and I was 16 and a Sophomore in high school and I was NOT OK! My birthday in March came and went.there was no more talk of a permit test or a car…matter of fact…nothing much was talked about. I was at the absolute lowest I have ever been in my life, before or since! What could possibly be wrong that would devastate a young girl who had her whole life ahead of her? One word……BLINDNESS. YEP…she was going blind. No one knew how bad it would get, not even the doctors. All she knew was she could never, ever drive…..that meant a sense of no freedom. Public school was harsh too. Teachers who either didn’t want to understand, or were incapable of understanding, kids who teased before teased relentlessly now, people accused her of wanting attention .an IEP (an individualized Education Plan) meetings, mobility instructors, school psychologists and guidance counselors……she lacked purpose, hope, and courage……And was surrounded by loneliness! Admitting it was not an option, fear is all she felt!
Fast forward 11 years. 3 days after Thanksgiving, this same girl now married for four years was in the hospital praying that she would soon go into labor with her third child, her second son. Twenty grueling hours later he came into the world…not crying, blue as blue could be. The cord was around his neck and his Apgar numbers were very low. They whisked him off, trying their hardest to make sure he was gonna make it….and that girl? She slept, long and hard. The meds had finally kicked in. And yet for the next five years she kept quiet. The things she had felt. Admitting she too had nearly not made it. The only thing she can remember his her husband saying breathe Mary Breathe. After 5 years this momma sits holding that same boy as he screams, rocking back and forth smacking his head into her teeth…..no one knows, no one understands. It’s not a discipline issue? What’s wrong with her poor baby? What did she do wrong?
In both instances fear gripped me! The first time it was the fear of the uncertain. The second it was fear of what other people might think of me. A pastors wife who can’t “handle” her child! Oh the horror. I had myself convinced that because of this my husbands job was on the line…oh what if people knew?
It started with some very vague conversations. It still continues…..
Chapter 2 Give It to God
It’s still 1996 that girl is still 16. After she admitted her struggles to her mom, who then made go talk to her pastor things started to change. She gave this difficulty in her life, this speed bump to God. Within a few months she had dedicated her life to ministry during a missions conference…she thought it would be as a missionary to Germany, but God had other plans. In December she got baptized and a 6 months later transferred to the local Christian school.l and a year after that found herself on an airplane heading to a country in the 10-40 window as a short term missionary to a communist country…..ALL BECAUSE OF HER BLINDNESS! Without that she could have never gone to the Christian school, and she would have never met the missionary that spoke in chapel one Wednesday!
Skip ahead to the winter of this year January to be exact. One broken WEARY momma sat on the couch. For weeks now God had been bringing a book to mind that she had acquired for free. As this worn, defeated mom began to read, the tears just flowed. She determined in her heart to fight for her son, no matter the cost.she gave it all to God, the hurt feelings, the pain and heartache of watching your child suffer through the simplest of life moments, the rejection of a school, the blame people placed on her. It all went to God. She has to give it to him sometimes multiple times a day but she can’t hold it all herself.
Chapter 3 Removing the veil of Fine
As a teenager/ college student young adult this young lady never learned this lesson. It wasn’t until she was 32 and a mom of four. One of whom is autistic that she learned this. Its ok to not be fine . This veil is deceitful….it’s a lie we tell ourselves and others and for me it too was based in fear. “What will people think if this pastor’s wife isn’t fine?” I had to come to the realization of this…I’m human, I make mistakes, I will NEVER. Be perfect in anyones eyes!”
Chapter 4 The “C” Word
Yep Comparison….also called could be seen as covetousness. The it’s not fair attitude…
Oh yeah as a 16 year old who would never be able to drive herself anywhere, had to have super huge text books, sit up front….blah blah blah, the world seemed so unfair at the time. It was a real struggle!
In 2008/2009 as our little guy headed towards major milestones, i compared him to our six or seven other friends babies sailed through them, we longed to hear him talk, even to just babble …or walk…normally. In my heart I cried it’s not fair. And just as he tested out of speech and physical therapy in 2010, began one of the most “unfair” things in life….a year of death Within a year 3 family members, 6 friends, and an infant (and a member or two from church) all passed away.but i think in a way God was preparing me for what was coming next. He knew I needed to be prepared and to not call a foul on life. It was during that time fairness became an invalid claim. It wasn’t about fair, it was about God’s plan….and his plan is perfect!
So there ends my discussion for this week. Tune in next week for my story through Chapter , 5,6,&7
Now for that giveaway.
I am giving away one PDF copy of BEING OK WITH WHERE YOU ARE. By Stacey Thacker
Here are my rules
1.you must comment on this blog post to be eligible.
2.in that comment tell me something you hope to grow in through this book and tell me which stage of this blog post (chapter 1,2,3, or 4) impacted/ challenged you the most
Next Tuesday I will generate a number on Random.org and announce the winner in next Tuesdays blog post!
Have a blessed week and good luck!
For more BEING OK stories click here
I find it funny that in my darkest of moments I can convince myself of anything!
And the biggest lie of it all is….”no one understands or cares enough to understand what I am going through”
That couldn’t be farther from the truth!
First off God understands! He loves us and cares for us. He wants us to come running to him. But we (and I mean I) dismiss that, because God isn’t …whatever ( insert your own excuse)!
I mean people Mary!
Ok so, i have an (as in 1) autistic child. In a crowd full of parents of “Normal” kids….i feel pretty alone. But what I don’t realize is that the mom who looks like she has it all together is feeling all alone because her husband just left her.
And that woman in the corner who is chatting boisterously is feeling alone because both of her parents were killed in a car accident.
And the new mom at the table cuddling her infant son is feeling alone in her post pardem depression and lack of sleep!
That alone feeling strikes us all at various times in our lives and yet whether it’s embarrassment, or pride, or fear OR all of the above, we chose to hide it…..deep in those dark recesses of our hearts!
I want to challenge you to open up. Tell someone. Ask God to give you courage and strength! And share how you feel. You can share with your best friend, your spouse, your mom, OR as I choose to, here on my blog. Transparency helps others, and it helps you
