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Yesterday marked the first day of October, but it also stands as our anniversary month of watching our son struggle like never before.  It began a year of sadness, loneliness and fear.  It was a year of rejection, battles fought and won. A year of bringing a husband and wife closer than ever before.  And a year of really knowing who our real friends are!

It was a year of this Weary mom being set free and has ended with her being amazed and truly Being OK With Where she’s at!   It has been a year of struggle and yet many blessings.  

We have watched our son change from an agitated, frustrated, little boy into a little  boy who is excelling in life, with very few meltdowns.  (ahem….i had to take a break to deal with one) He is learning at a fast rate, and enjoys (for the most part) what he’s doing.  It is so very hard to watch your child go backwards in stead of moving forward.  But God is sovereign.

How has our family changed?

Well for starters we live in a varitable fortress from the inside.  I am a helicopter parent out of necessity!  I hate being a helicopter parent, but I have learned how to know where he is and what he’s doing without affecting his independence!  Our home is entirely surrounded by a six foot high fence and there are alarms on most of our doors and windows.  Dead bolts face the wrong direction, and bolts and chains adorn our door tops! 

We are increasingly aware of what is in our food.  Where as i once didn’t really pay attention to this, i do now.  Red 40 is an absolute no no, along with cinnamon…yeah that has made baking fun, but rest assured, i have found a way!

We are very limited as to where we can go and what we can do.  Large groups with our son, can be….shall we say….intense!    Hubby goes to many meetings, church events, and get-togethers by himself.  It’s fristrating sometimes, but I would much rather stay home instead of forcing him into a situation that will most definely set him up for failure!   

I had to relinquish every single ideal, in parenting, ministry, family, marriage…..every single area had to be re-evaluated and changed. Out of everything other than giving my family completely over to God and trusting him with everything related to them was the hardest thing ever asked of me. All of it felt a though I were Abraham when God asked him to offer up Isaac as a burnt offering! It was one of those moments that i will always remember my faith in God grew stronger than ever before!

On a whole we need to be willing to change our own plans, wants and desires at the drop of a hat!  We don’t let him dictate our family lives but in the words of my friend Noelle, “You will become a student of——.  You will be able to read his cuesand know  what and when he can and can’t handle.”

She was so right, but there are times when we think he is going to have an absolutely terrible day, and it turns out that it was his best day yet!

We knew at the beginning that this must have a purpose, but we had no idea what. God knew all along.  As of the end of this month, hubby and I will do our first workshop for ministry leaders, on how to reach families, and minister to kids with developemental disabilities.  As we embark on this sometimes scary journey, we have seen  AND heard some pretty  astonishing (in a bad way) things about and from the church and developmental disabilities.  Our goal is to facilitate an understanding of how to help these families!  

Thank you for your prayers over the last year!  We have felt them.  We have seen the results of them!

Well, i find myself writing late yet again. I have appreciated this oppertunity to share my story. I don’t mind sharing my story, matter of fact I love it! I did’t use to but last year at a Ladies Conference i realized that my story is unique, that God created just for me to share for His glory…is it perfect? No! Are there things that I’m not proud of? Most definitely!

Well let’s jump in at Chapter 8- Perseverence

One of the hardest things to teach children, teenagers and most adults is perseverence, but it is one of the most valuable! This was a hard lesson for me….it was at 16 …and even today at 33!

In 1996, my droctors had informed me three years prior, i was the youngest kid in the coutry with my visual impairment. At 14 I had surgery and at 16 returned. I had persevered through literally weeks of torture…but more on that later! There were coutless hours of tests, and allergic reactions to tests. And next to no support from friends and denial from close family. And feeling like God had deserted me….what on earth could be done with this blind kid! I felt worthless. I didn’t want to continue on…it hurt too badly. I felt as though i couldn’t go on!

I realize now, God wanted me in that place……Why? He, like the shepherd who trains his sheep by breaking its leg and then carrying it til it is healed, wanted to make an inseperable bond. One that beyond a shadow of a doubt know that i could ALWAYS trust God no matter what! I looked for comfort everywhere….God kept me from some pretty dangerous stuff. I was a prime candidate for drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, and many other things…..but i sought solice in art, music,writing. None of which I was very good at at the time (and the music i listened to was not indicative of peace either). But none of that helped. It wasn’t until i looked to God that perseverence was possible. I couldn’t have continued…it wasn’t possible

Fast forward to January 2013…..the last 4 months had been the absolute loneliest i had traveleed in the journey of life. Everyone around me was watching me, judging me. Fear was gripping me. I was scared. I was sad…..my hope was waning. Two major relationships were failing in My life had fallen in a heap before me.(Don’t worry my husband and I are fine) I had to choose between these two relationships or protecting my 5 year old autistic son…..and I was NOT liking where God was leading.. This was really going to be the hardest thing to date God has asked me to do. Now i cannot share more details than that. I know that this is not very helpful to you but i choose to show respect than to hurt and i know going farther would hurt.

For the last 9 months I have prayed, and wept longing for resolution. I had to make a choice and I chose my five year old. Was it easy? No way. Was it neccesssary? Absolutely! I am in full blown perseverence…here is my motivation….God has Mine and my son’s best interest at heart.. He loves me and promises me and my son that He would never leave us or forsake us! That is what keeps all of us in this house going!

Now heres where my story combines together…..this is where these two seperate accounts become my life on a whole.

Chapter 9-Live Thankful.

I am a reader by nature…i have no idea how many books in my lifetime i have read but I do know this……that one of my favorite book characters….and movie characters for that matter is Pollyanna. Pollyanna gets a bad wrap sometimes because nothing ever got to her, but Pollyanna is deeply misunderstood. Pollyanna had a rough life. She was an orphan, and then became a parapalegic. She went to live with a grumpy old aunt who was just doing her duty! Nothing screams perfect life by any of the things mentioned. And for the record when she found out she was paralyzed, she didn’t want to play the “glad game”. Even as a missionary pastor her father had to teach Pollyanna that even when life hands you crutches rather than the promised doll there was something to be “glad” about……she could be glad that she didnt need said crutches. This is a very valuable lesson to learn. Both as children and adults. We aren’t always going to get what we want but there are always things to be thankful for in the things we do have.

ie. I may want to drive a car but though i can’t, i can be glad that I won’t ever get a ticket for driving (it’s silly i know but it does make me smile)

Here’s another not so silly one. I can feel down about not being able to see well OR. I can be thankful that i can see tree leaves changing color, blue skies, sunshine and four freckled smiling faces! (You see I have partial sight)

You see I have hundreds of choices to make everyday….

I can either be completely unhappy with my life and the circumstances or i can focus on even the smallest of blessings and show gratitude to the One who gave me my next breath!

Chapter 10-Worship anyway

This is probably one of the hardest things to do when you are feeling alone and unworthy. Its hard to truely worship God when you are mad at Him for those really hard circumstances, but I will say this start with worship by yourself. Start with peaceful music, prayer, and your Bible but don’t ignore church. I know it is hard when it feels the entire congregation is judging you…trust me, i too feel that way as a pastors wife. Does it mean it’s true…maybe or maybe not, but go anyway……God knows this life is not easy. He knows its going to get tough before we do. In everything He is Worthy of worship! Even the hardest places you have ever been! Worship Him!

Thanks for joing me on this journey. This is the first time i have shared these parts of my live so publicly! I hope to do so more often. Please check out Stacey Thackers blog 29 lincoln Ave for more Being Ok with Where you are stories!

 

Good Morning all!

A few monthes back I was cosen to share with you a fun excursion we would take this summer.

I had intended on sharing this a lot sooner but i have had some technical difficulties getting the pics from my camera to my ipad.   And today is the due date so I will roll with what I’ve got!

The Crayola Experience is located not too far from where I grew up in Pennsylvania!  It was a few hour trip for us! But well worth it! Crayola gave us 6 admissions and a $50 gas card for our fun!

Admission is $15.99 unless you order online in which you get a dollar discount and it drops to $14.99

And that’s the price for ages 2 to 65!

So my goal on this trip was to look at the Crayola Experience as someone who has just paid full admission for a family of 6 on a tight budget.  (Which we are).  I knew what was where in the building and how much everything cost.  My goal was to go into the building a spend a fun family day with spending extra money.

Let me just start of by saying this before we went on this trip I was a HUGE crayola fan, BUT after this trip, I am the absolute biggest Craola fan….AND SO ARE MY KIDS!

So everybody knows this packaging anywhere Right?

Even the smell is unmistakable and for most of us, it wisks us back to a time when our biggest worry was what color to use next!

Well  let’s go more in depth about our trip.

Due to scheduling, we had to wait til the end of August, which was okay by me because I knew Pennsylvania would be in school by that point, and that would me less crowds…Right?  Wrong!! It was Packed!

When you first go in, you buy you tickets (we got to skip that part) and you walked up to, in our case, a lady who took our tickets and handed us each a clear bag with a map and 3 silver coins in it!  (You can buy additional coins for 50 cents each)

Then you are released to explore and create as you heart so desire!  The three coins are used for three different activities.  I will point them out along the way!

Each one of our kids colored sea creatures to their liking even miss Bug added Sparkies and when all  was entered in a few short minutes the pictures showed up on a massive mural

 

From there our kids enjoyed playing in the toddler area…lol, we only have one toddler, but the huge light bright was cool!

From there we went to the make you own marker, and model magic areas……each of these areas cost one of those silver coins.  You get to watch one marker (with two colors) being assembled and then you get one package of model magic (your color choice)…. At this point i will say this we all came away with some pretty neat model magic things we shared our colors BUT they did survive the trek home.  My suggestion is simple a small hard plastic container with a lid)

Next we explored the melted crayon area!  NONE OF THESE THINGS COST A COIN!  First we painted with melted crayons, then we chose two contrasting colors  and did melted crayon spin art

AND THEN

We chose a crayon of our choice and melted it and molded it!

We also watched alive show that demonstrated how crayons are made!

And one of our kids favorite places was this….

MASSIVE TWO STORY JUNGLE GYM!

The cool thing is the floor was made so they could write with sidewalk chalk on it, and those white animals weasel is on…those are dry erase boards!  They were colored on!

This was the stuff we came home with….

Oh and we got free red crayons after the show, and that rainbow  of crayons in the lower left hand corner…those are our personalized crayons (thats where the last coin gets used)

And the puzzles you get to use Crayola’s twistable crayons and colored pencils and then the run them through a die cutting machine!

Our last stop was their cool outdoor crayola products statues if you will!

All in all  we all had a great time and our kids want to say…..trim.521C038A-8642-462E-A3DA-14EA20D2D600
To check out the Crayola Experience visit….
http://www.crayolaexperience.com

Dear Weary Me,

I  know you’re plum tuckered out.  I know you feel ragged and worn.  I know there is aways more work to be done, but sometimes you just need to stop and breathe.

I have some advice for you, you know it well but  sometimes you just need a reminder!

God gives you many blessings and promises, take a moment each day to remind yourself of them!

1. God knows you are not perfect, He died for that very reason.  He loves you THAT much.

2.  God knows EVERYTHING.  He won’t leave you…EVER!  He never promised you He wouldn’t give you  what you couln’t hadle.  What He did promise was that He has it all under control.

3. He has our best interest in mind.  Even though things may not appear as such sometimes, that is still the case.  Trusting  in Him, opens our eyes to the blessing that lie in some of our darkest moments.  We need His light to see it though!

You know truth!  You know where to find it.  Take the time to dive in

Love

Me

 

For more Dear Weary Mom posts go to Hopr for The Weary Mom

 

 it has been one long , super crazy  day!  I lay all snuggled under my quilt in my hoodiefootie. I dozed off before hubby brought in the Apples we picked tonight!  Yes apples forty…..yes 4-0 gallons, that’s roughly 4 and 1/4 bushels.

My morning went something….i went to a lady from our church’s home.  We do this every Tuesday morning.  I got there about 8 :30.  I didn’t get picked up by hubby until 1:45.  From there we went to the local animal shelter to check on two dog possibilities.  ….we found Daffy!   On the way home we realized that hubby had read the time on his watch and after  a quick call to the bus garage, we raced home to get out waiting kids off the bus at home.  From there we tried to leave but hubby misplaced the keys, so we broke into our own home…..got the keys, left , forgot the checkbook. Turned around and came home, took the kids to meet Daffy.  Daffy came home with us but not before going to pick those forty gallons of apples first.  Then to Wal-Mart….then home.  Hubby made dinner and i took care of both dogs…..we put the kids to bed and now I am here!, trying to keep my eyes open as I type!

So the winner is Jen B.   i didn’t need to use random.org only because only one other brave soul chose to comment outside Stacey and myself! So Congrats Jen, i will send Stacey your email tomorrow.

So on with my story!

Chapter 5- Standing on the Promises

In 1996 I was one confused kid. I was beginning to ask some super tough questions.  

“If God really loved me, why am I going through this right now?”

“Why am I so alone in this”

“Why do I have to be SOOOOOOOO DIFFERENT”

And the list goes on and on and on and on…….like a bad kids song that has no end!

But finally there came a promise, a promise that helped me to realize everything was going to be OK….THAT I was going to be OK!

“I will never leave you nor forsake you” hebrews 13:5b

Did it make everything easier….no not really but I knew I was NOT ALONE! And that started me on the road of being ok.

Fast forward….oh I don’t  know 17 years later….(wow has it REALLY BEEN THAT LONG). To this past January.  My husband and I are just beginning to share with others our news of our 5 year old son.  The church takes it mostly ok, some of our family does ok too!  But some family made it very clear that they believed we caused this or that there was absolutely nothing wrong with him.   I again felt very much alone.  My heart cracked,breaking into a million pieces…or at least so it felt anyway!   

The strength and endurance to just keep afloat were some days more than I could handle. It took a week or two but God kept prompting me to read “Hope for the Weary Mom” and as those pages flowed with truth, promises, and REAL HOPE,  I began to understand some pretty amazing things about myself and my son.  One of the things I learned was this….

My hope is not based in doctors, medication, or those who are surrounding me.  My hope is REAL hope.  It’s based in the words God spoke through men!

chapter 6- CHEERLEADERS

In 1996, I didn’t have any!   Friends at church, friends at school, they all had the same problem….focus on themselves.  I was told by some that I was making it up for attention.  I had others tell me they didn’t care, they had their own “stuff” going on.  Right around the time I was blindsided a loved teacher passed away.  I was lost in the shuffle.

In 2013 i have one major cheerleader, my hubby.  He is the only person outside of  God who knows about the things I feel called to do!  I’m not sure why God hasn’t brought cheerleaders into my life.  I have begged, pleaded, cried and searched for mentors and cheerleaders.

 A few years ago I thought I had found such a person but soon realized that as I began to share my heart with her, she shot me down before I even finished my first sentence.  I was heart broken! Now this is not to say that I don’t have friends because I do!  I have great ones but as a pastor’s wife it’s more challenging.   It’s more challenging to enter into those types of relationships AND. For some reason, pastors wives really don’t connect with each other in those ways…at least i have yet to see it in action!

Chapter 7 -PRUNING

i like stacey REALLY dislike this process.  Cutting away, the dead or damaged parts is a really painful process.  I will say this that both in 1996 and now in 2013 both my blindness and my son’s autism have both served as the greatest source of pruning in my life.  

In 1996 God pruned from my life the idea of entitlements……”i deserve this……”

And in2013 God pruned off the last few ideals in parenting that I had left and clung to more than any other thing!

Those were some really hard lessons to learn…perhaps the hardest yet!

Well thanks for joining me today as I shared more of my story!

For more BEING OK WITH WHERE YOU ARE STORIES……JOIN STACEY HERE!