I have the fear of heights…..OR more or less the fear of falling from them. Why I have no idea, that’s just the way I was made.
It keeps me from doing two things both of which I have no problem not doing. My life is not any less because of them…..
1. Amusement park rides…..I love low spiny rides.
2. Standing on glass over high places…like the Grand Canyon or some high buildings have this! This also includes glass elevators.
Outside of those things, my life isn’t hinged on it. I’m not afraid of airplanes, tall buildings . I’m completely comfortable in this!
My second fear is driving/ riding in the car in the snow. The reason why…I hate the feeling of sliding…more or less I think it is the feeling of being out of control….
This fear doesn’t keep me from doing anything…it’s just feeling sick in those situations
I also hate ants, but that is from a fire ant experience!
Oh so many things make me happy!
God’s word
Anything frog related
Beautiful art.
A hug
GOOD surprises.
My kids smiles
Completing goals
Giving gifts
Helping others
A house full of laughing people
Cooking
A clean house
Chocolate
A good cup of tea
Encouraging nets
Being creative
Sunshine
Rooms with gorgeous views
Sunrises
Sunsets
Days off
Silence
The sounds of playing kids
Music
People singing praises to God
Warmth.
Spring
Summer
Fall.
Florida in the winter
Reading
Writing
Zoos
Animals
Classic TV shows
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Mary Poppins
The Secret Garden
The color Green
Plaid
Coffee
Oreos
Pizza
Fond memories
Libraries
This list could go on and on and on. The thing is, when you have Christ even the smallest of things bring joy to you. Even in the midst of hard moments you can find joy…aka happiness! So what brings you joy?
I like to get alone. I don’t like other people seeing me sad.
It depends on whyI sad though. There are any number of reasons why a person can be sad.
1. A loss- pet, family, or friend. My choice is to be wrapped into my hubby’s arms.
2. Failure- write. Write and write. A lot of times I write to get perspective….almost always I end up back to the promises of God’s love.
3. Hurtful things said…..this is tough. I usually throw myself into whatever needs to be done. Sewing, cleaning, reading.
Over the last year I blogged through two books that inherently changed my life forever. I have become so challenged by the authors of those books that I sought out another online book club to be apart of. Unfortunately life circumstances have kept me a little behind, but not far. I knew that this book was going to be a hard fight. But I really didn’t want to battle God. I wanted to be open to what He wanted me to learn and that meant setting my heart before Him and saying “Lord Get rid of the junk”. And he did!
So this letter I have chosen to share with you my readers and I will share it with him, this Friday. So before I start, this is not a place to judge. Your marriages aren’t perfect either…because you as human beings aren’t perfect…..so before you open your mouths with harshness, know this……out of his mouth his heart is made known!
To my dearest best friend,
Can you believe it has been a little over 13 years since we first met….it seems like yesterday! Yesterday when we sat on the front lawn of our beloved college waiting for the church van…you threw grass in my hair! Do you remember chasing me down the hall with highlighters in hand. Do you remember that first Valentines Dinner….candles, roses, a crocheted scarf. I will cherish that scarf forever. That scarf serves as a constant reminder to me of your servant hood . You set aside your pride and learned to crochet….just for me……life was so easy then!
Our friendship is still amazing and we share so much of our lives but I realize I hold the key…..the key to open doors of a deeper closer relationship. Not the type that is comfy like an old pair of slippers. I don’t want to be comfortable. I want to grow deeper. I don’t want life circumstances to interfere with our relationship! I want to get better not comfortable! Comfortable eventually wears out. I want to move forward.
You were a man of drive, a man of honor……a man of love. You had huge goals. You had a huge love for God! Every bit of it was what I fell in love with. But I have a confession to make, I put you on a very high pedestal. I thought you were perfect. And when you finally fell off I was distraught. That was totally unfair of me, but instead of admitting that was wrong I played the victim. Woe is me became my new mantra, though no one heard it but you!. I complained, and complained and complained some more.
I’m sorry! As the last few years have passed I have been so concerned with the world around me, I have not seen or heard the trials you face head on. And yet you always are sacrificial for everyone! Me, the kids, church. NO ONE understands just how much you give! Time, money, more time, your physical strength, time.
Everyone is quick to tell you, “you do too much” right before they take a deep breath and tell you all you are not doing right! Yep! Guilty as changed! I cannot even remember the last time you took a true day of rest or done something just for yourself! You are always sacrificing something for someone! And as I have sat back and watched with open eyes over the last few weeks I have seen something amazing! I have watched our oldest show similar servanthood to others…was it well received…nope! It was criticized, just as yours is…..just as Christ was. What a picture I have seen over the last few weeks! It is a picture of Christ’s love.
His sacrifice of both personal and physical. You pour yourself into so much and so many people…..without complaint! Over the last two weeks as I took to watching you as you served and helped those who needed you, I realized just how much you have given up. I truly believe I have learned more of your heart, passion, grace and love in the past two weeks, because for once I took my eyes off of my selfish desires and really watched you! I have watched you toil for our family. I have watched you grieve over lost souls and the hard hearts of others. I have watched you share your passion to see growth and work tirelessly to help our church grow deeper in their relationship with God.
As I have prayed for an open heart and mind God brought to mind countless hours on the road visiting the sick and broken hearted . I think of the hours you have helped meet the physical needs of those in our church and our community. I have watched you drive hours for perfect strangers and console families who have no hope in our community! I have watched you be Christ to those who have never been formally introduced! I have watched you invest into people that you knew would be hard on you and be your worst critics…and yet you love them no differently than another
I long for the days we can serve side by side! I love being your wife! I’m sorry for all the negativity at times. I could have a million excuses but none of them are acceptable! I’m sorry for the lack of grace! I wish I could say it won’t ever happen again but truth be told I won’t live up to that. What I do want you to know is that I want to serve you like you have served me and our family. Like I have watched you serve those in our church and those lost families in our community. I’m sorry my eyes have been dimmed by the world around me, my own selfish insights, and the enticement of appearances!
I’m sorry I placed you on the perfection pedestal , that was not fair to you! You cannot ever be all things to all people. I need to rely on God for so much more! My grievances should go to God, I should trust him. You do such an amazing job balancing all God has called us to do! I’m so proud of you! Your love is so deep. Your relationship with God is pure! God blessed me so much when He gave me you! You have inspired me to live unconditionally . To serve graciously. To give joyously. To work myself to death. (That as I have argued with God really is a biblical principle ) To care for as many needs as possible and to get as much out of my days as earthly possible! You really do challenge me to be the best me I can be, not to be perfect, just the best me!
I know things won’t be perfect but I want to accept the challenge Courtney gave in her book ” I want to complete you not to compete with you!”
Thank you for sacrificing so much for everyone! You truly are a picture of Christ to all you come in contact with! I will love you til death do us part!
Back in October as I perused a local books ale I stumbled upon this little treasure. Matter of fact I stumbled upon two different family history journals. Journals excite me, (it’s got to be the writer in me don’t you think?)they are right up there with comfy, fuzzy PJs! But these two were so special! Special because it chronicles our family history….this one in particular weighs on the faith journey side of things!
I was once told that God has given everyone a story to tell. One that will help others! My story will help my children, and hopefully my grandchildren. AND if God so chooses many others. I want to leave a legacy that is so full of grace that it is unmistakable that Christ is the true center of everything I do.
Each month there are 10 entries or so, so it doesn’t matter if you skip days…..or a week! This morning’ s entry got me thinking about a blog post today and I know it has been super quiet over the last two weeks here (more on that later) but I think today we shall get back into the swing of things!
So the question that spurred this post “When did you become a Christian, and how did your life change afterwards?”
The Answer:
I was saved around the age of four. And my life didn’t really change a whole lot…that is until just before I turned 16. February of 1996 to be exact! That’s right 18 years ago. But it’s easier to start at the beginning three years earlier. Most people don’t realize that there are two people in our home with developemental disabilities…matter of fact I didn’t know until a few months ago. In doing research for a seminar hubby and I were doing on Developmental Disabilities and the Church, we discovered that both blindness and deafness count as developmental disabilities if the person gets either before the age of 18. I was 13 when my diagnosis of Macular Degeneration was given to me. But for nearly 3 years it didn’t affect me. I had eye surgery at 14 and did well for a couple of years. But then February of ’96 happened and my world was turned upside down.
At 13 your future entails just making it through the next day of school with making a complete fool of yourself, however at 16 your future involves so much more…like a driver’s license, boyfriend/husband, kids, college, job……and so much more. All of a sudden what bombards you is what you can no longer do, or wil never be able to do. And when you focus on those things life becomes very bleak, lacking in hope, joy, and utterly miserable. There is so much more that played into it too…..rejection, teasing, excessive attention and SOOOOOO much more. But through the hopelessness that seemed to embed every crevice of my heart, God began to work. There was no aha moment….it was a very slow arduous process out of the darkness. God changed me in amazing ways. That fall I sat quietly in my pew in an evening service watching a video presented by a missionary at our churche’s missions conference. The lostness of this people broke my heart and I uttered a secret prayer to a life long commitment of service to God…..a few short months later in December I was baptized!
It was through the amazing testimony of the Apostle Paul, that I found strength to fight the good fight and to run this race of life not looking at the limitations I have but to look at the blessings they led to!
Because I was visually impaired I qualifies for SSI…I used that money my last year of high school to pay for Christian school.
Through Christian school I met a missionary to a country in the 10-40 window and went (ALONE) on my first missions trip. ( I was with a group but no family or close friends). And also from the Christian school I was rewarded a scholarship to the college I chose to attend.
Becacase of my visual impairment most of my college was paid for. In which I went on 3 or 4 more missions trips to NYC, GREW IN MY FAITH AND UNDERSTANDING OF WHO GOD IS AND WHAT HE WANTS FROM ME, served on two leadership teams for two different conferences, met my husband, became a pastor’s wife and now helping churches and families learn to cope with these difficulties…..
These things are far greater than the things I can’t do…..
1. I can’t drive a car (at least on roads :))
2. I can’t see if I have swept all the dirt and crumbs off the floor
3. I can’t spot a runny nose from across the room.
4. I can’t see a lot of smaller details far away (like cows in an upper field) but I can see the bigger picture!
Those my friends are the only four things I can’t do…..and do those things make my life horrible? Not a chance.
The neat thing about Salvation and becoming a Christian is that yes you do change, for some it is huge and drastic at the beginning, but for everyone it should be an ongoing process. You go through amazing transformations each and every day at times that is only explained by a powerful God at work in our lives! That is the point of becoming a Christian…it is to become more and more like Christ. You should never be satisfied with where you are in your walk with God. You should always want to get dapper and more like Christ.
And that my friends is the legacy I want to leave for my children!
