Category: Let’s talk

Let’s Talk: Struggles

Posted on by Mary
Struggles

Struggles, we all have them. I listed 7 common ones in the image above but let’s be honest we have a whole lot more struggles than those 7 listed. But these 7 we have all dealt with at some point or another or at least most of them.

Struggles- Why can’t we be gracious?

As a pastor’s wife I have seen what struggles can do to people AND what people can do to those who have struggles. It’s easy to sit back and pass judgement on people for the struggles they are facing. There can be any number of reason’s we face struggles And we aren’t going to delve into them. Maybe that’s a post for a later date or maybe not.

If we all have struggles then why do we feel the need to pass judgement for those who share their struggles with us? I think the first one is PRIDE- We think we are better because we can “handle it” better than someone else. We make it is spiritual gift to be able to handle struggles on our own. (AHEM- just an FYI IT isn’t one). I think the #2 reason is we are afraid of being judged for sharing our struggles and I think the third reason plays into the second- we are so insecure about our struggles that we have to pick on people with more visible struggles that our own.

Lat’s put and end to the Masquerade

Casting Crowns has a great song about this very subject it’s called Stained Glass Masquerade.

[Verse 1]
Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today
Feeling so small
Because when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they’ll soon discover
That I don’t belong
So I tuck it all away, like every thing’s okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I’ll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

[Chorus]
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain?
But if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

[Verse 2]
Is there anyone who’s been there?
Are there any hands to raise?
Am I the only one who’s traded
In the altar for a stage?
The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart
But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be?
Would your arms be open?
Or would you walk away?
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay?

[Chorus]
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain?
But if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

[Chorus]
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain?
But if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

[Outro]
Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today
Feeling so small

“With walls around our weakness, And smiles to hide our pain?”

It’s easy when people smile. It makes us feel good. But when people don’t smile we begin to feel uneasy…it makes us uncomfortable. I can’t tell you the number of times I have hugged people in tears on any given Sunday morning because of whatever was going on in their lives at the time. You name it it was cried over…and on those same Sunday’s I have heard or been told “You just need to smile. ”

I’m sorry but no. You can have the joy of Jesus and be broken all at the same time. We as Christians do not need to live a lie. We can AND should share our broken places and grieve them openly. BUT we should not stay there. It may take weeks or months because there are many stages of grief and pain we need to work through. And THAT takes some time.

Our Struggles are our Struggles but they are not our identity.

We are victors not victims. Yes we need to be open about our struggles. BUT they aren’t our identity. Over the next few weeks I will be sharing my journey in learning all about my identity in Christ. This journey has taken my entire life and will continue until the day I die. I have in no way arrived in my full understanding of my identity in Christ. I am learning something new every single day.

Story time

A while back a friend was really struggling with something. This friend posted about it on facebook and I saw a mutual friend write back a snarky reply. It was inappropriate and hurtful or at least I hurt for my friend because I had been walking this journey with this friend for a long time.

Fast forward some months later I found myself dealing with a very similar (not the same just similar ) problem as my friend. I was having sleepless nights due to some pretty sever anxiety. I had only ever experienced anxiety one other time in my life as a young mom when I was given a medication and that is the side effect it had on me. Fast forward 10 years later and I had just gone through some major medical Trauma.

I lay in bed at night every night for weeks heart beating out of my chest…..Head spinning in dizziness, mind going full tilt in all directions and all I could hear echo in my ears- that’s friends rude question on facebook. Their influence, negative as it was , was wreaking havoc on my mental state. I could hear their accusing tone……that snide comment tore right through my heart and guilt set in. I wasn’t well.

The reality of my anxiety

The comment? ” What are you holding onto? ” Now I understand that you would have to know the person who made the statement but the truth its that person is very harsh….and even though I hadn’t heard the person say it I had heard that person a dozen times before ask similar questions in condescending tones.

The reality is I wasn’t holding onto to anything. The reality was I was sick and we didn’t even realize just how sick I was. Part of anxiety is that you basically convince yourself you are dying- my heart was racing super fast and I was short of breath…and the list goes on and on.

My reality was Anemia and Iron deficiency. Which causes high heart rates. It causes shortness of breath. It causes Anxiety. In December I had NO detectable iron levels in my blood. Yep you read that right ! N.O.N.E.

There wasn’t any amount of letting go- bible study or prayer that could chase the anxiety away. I know, I tried. I begged .I pleaded. I repented and forgave And yet the anxiety persisted and the guilt grew.

We need to stop being “happy plastic people Under shiny plastic steeples”

We need to stop trying to fix people to make them look the part. We aren’t God. God wants us to love people in the middle of their messes. He will take care of the rest. And we need to realize that the only way people are going to heal- not be fixed is through Jesus! Shiny plastic people don’t have scars- Christ followers do- Jesus does. Jesus in all of his perfectness still has scars in heaven. Jesus isn’t a shiny plastic person, why should we be. In His darkest hour he asked for his friends (the disciples) to keep watch and pray with Him- He was left alone- they slept!

Let’s stop trying to be something that we aren’t and be who we were created to be How about we take the masks off and share the real us with the rest of the world so they can see that even in the midst of our deepest grief and sorrow that we trust Jesus with the mess. It’s easy to trust Jesus when life is easy peasy. It gets real when we trust Him with the hard stuff.

Let’s Check our influence

Let’s be honest that friend never thought that their words would impact anyone else but our friend writing the post but the reality is this: That one person made a negative impact on every person who read their comment. Because Satan uses those negative people to harm others even though they didn’t know another soul in that comment thread. . It’s a ripple effect I. have been teaching for years! One little pebble can send a ripple through the whole pond. And one little question can ripple through the hearts of those nearby.

If you are struggling please know that you are NOT alone. And if someone has told you that they have never had a struggle they are being untruthful. They aren’t being real with you! No one’s perfect we shouldn’t pretend to be and we shouldn’t expect others to put on a smile to make us more comfortable

Share with me your thoughts in the comments below and know that you, my friends are being prayed for!

This is post #18 in my Choosing Courage 100 Day Writing Project. to catch up on the rest click here

Let’s Talk: Anger

Posted on by Mary
Anger

Anger is everywhere! I don’t watch the news. I don’t even have the ability to watch the news on TV. This is probably a very good thing…for MANY reasons. I do however have social media. I KNOW there is a lot of anger everywhere in this world right now. It’s everywhere we look. it’s everywhere we go. BUT….even though it is highly prevalent in our culture and world right now that’s NOT why I am writing this blog posts. It starts with a bible study Called ENOUGH bySharon Jaynes.

I have thoroughly enjoyed this book and as I sat early Sunday morning working though the questions of Chapter 12 entitled “I Can’t Forgive the Person Who Hurt Me” some thoughts started rolling around in my head, somethings started to make some sense. Let’s start of with some definitions.

What Is Anger? (and a few other definitions)

Ephesians 4:31(NIV) says:

31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

That’s a lot of words (all definitions taken from lexicon.com)

  • bitterness-Anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly; resentment.
  • rage- Violent, uncontrollable anger.
  • anger- A strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.
  • brawling-A rough or noisy fight or quarrel.
  • slander-The action or crime of making a false spoken statement damaging to a person’s reputation.
  • (with EVERY form of) malice-The intention or desire to do evil; ill will.

YIKES. do you feel convicted after that? I do. Not to mention there are some pretty strong commands in that verse as well.

Let’s start with the very first one…GET RID OF ALL…and then in goes into all those words! Not some of them…Not most of them…….ALL OF THEM..

OUCH!

How do we do that?

The answer to that question is found I the very next verse….matter of fact as a small child THIS verse was etched into my brain in a little song we learned in our church’sWednesday night kids club.

And be ye kind one to another tenderhearted forgiving one another even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you (do-do-do-dodo) Ephesians 4:32. I know I know it’s King James language so let’s go to the NIV

32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

It’s not easy . Not being or getting angry is HARD!!! Our lives are riddled with hurts. Some unthinkable. “But Mary” you say, “you don’t understand.” Don’t I? I know that betrayal, domestic violence, abuse (of all sorts) tragic unexpected deaths, babies lost, children lost, teenagers lost, young adults lost, sickness, cancer and other horrific maladies of all sorts. Drugs, alcohol, pornography, violence, divorce, cheating spouses, broken friendships. All of these things…….we have walked the paths with friends and family in the last 5 years. we have held hands, wiped tears, shared in great pain.

It’s incredibly hard, but it’s a necessary choice, the choice to forgive. Many times without ever being asked to. I know I know to us that seems to be an impossible situation but I can tell you that it can be done. Holding bitterness wrath and malice in your heart only hurt one person….You. By holding onto the pain of all that has hurt you, you are giving that person the ability to harm you.

When you choose to forgive that person you are set free. But it’s a process Many times a moment by moment process. And as we actively choose to give over our anger, bitterness wrath and malice to Jesus we are slowly being freed from the chains that those who have hurt us.

Holding onto something that eats at us keeps us from being effective followers of Jesus. Our of our embittered hearts come volatile speech by which we hurt other people.

HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE!

This journey is hard enough without holding onto all of this pain! Won’t you join me finding freedom from all the hurt deep in our hearts?

Blessings, Mary

Let’s Talk- Contentment

Posted on by Mary
contentment

Contentment 101

Definition of contentment

1: the quality or state of being contentedThere was a look of contentment on her fac

Hey all!! It’s been a hot minute since I have shown my face around here . The last time I published a post was March 16th. the first day of quarantine here is NY. Today marks 3 months. Tomorrow is our two youngest sons last day of distance learning. And today as I was finishing up a set of study questions for a book I have been working on struck a chord- The root of the questions was contentment and as I began to work through each question I saw contentment with new eyes.

So let’s start our by defining what Content meant is.

Definition of contentment

1: the quality or state of being contented

There was a look of contentment on her fac

Synonyms 

  • content, 
  • contentedness, 
  • delectation, 
  • delight, 
  • enjoyment, 
  • gladness, 
  • gratification, 
  • happiness, 
  • pleasure, 
  • relish, 
  • satisfaction

Do you see that list? Is’t that kinda crazy? CONTENTMENT=Gladness? satisfaction? Pleasure?

Now you might be saying Mary- that’s No BIG deal. You can be content. when the sun is shining and the birds are singing. When Your kiddos are laughing and hugging each other. When Your hubby is helping wash the dishes. Yep That EASY. BUT what does the Bible have to say about contentment?

Contentment in Philippians 4

The study questions took us through Philippians. And if you know anything about this book you should know the theme is joy. Sound familiar? No, visit that list of synonyms of the word contentment again.

Before we get to the verses there are 2 things you should know about the book of Philippians

  • It’s written by Paul
  • He is writing this book from Prison

Let’s check out verses 11-13

11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength. (NIV)

He says it twice…Do you see it? Being content in whatever the circumstance….being content in any and every situation. You might scoff and say HA this Paul dude has NO IDEA what he is talking about. I beg to differ. The very next question In the study took us to 2 Corinthians 11:22-28 NIV

22 Are they Hebrews? So am I. Are they Israelites? So am I. Are they Abraham’s descendants? So am I.23 Are they servants of Christ? (I am out of my mind to talk like this.) I am more. I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. 24 Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. 25 Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was pelted with stones, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, 26 I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my fellow Jews, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false believers. 27 I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. 28 Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches.

THATS a lot of bold print.

Perspective on Contentment

I really want you to let all that soak in….

  • Prison
  • flogged
  • exposed to death (not once but again and again)
  • 40 lashes (minus one) 5 times from the Jews
  • 3 times beaten with rods
  • stoned
  • shipwrecked 3 times
  • spent a night and a day in the open sea
  • constantly on the move
  • in danger in the river
  • in danger from bandits
  • a danger from my fellow Jews
  • in danger from Gentiles
  • in danger in the city
  • in danger in the country
  • in danger at sea
  • in danger from false believers
  • Often gone without sleep
  • knew hunger and thirst and often went without food
  • He had been cold AND NAKED (it’s one thing to be cold-it’s another thing entirely to be cold and naked That is a whole different animal.

On top of all of those horrible things he had to cary on with everyday life….he Labored and toiled….worked hard.

AND THEN on top of all of that he faced DAILY his concerns for the churchES. I emphasized the -ES in churches because the average pastor only has one church in their concern.

My life in View of Paul’s Contentment

I haven’t been flogged or stoned. I haven’t been in prison. I’m not in danger. Paul was in danger EVERYWHERE HE WENT. Can you imagine? And yet he LEARNED contentment in ALL circumstances. Not in some circumstances. ALL of them….the good, the bad, the UGLY. Yep the ugly. the cruel string of deaths within a year. Broken relationships. Hurt feelings. Broken appliances. Broken cars. Sickness. Quarantine. Social distancing. No electricity. No propane. No internet. Deaths of friends and family. Empt store shelves. Different ways of doing church. And everything else for that matter. World in turmoil. hurricanes, earthquakes riots, senseless death. And yet…my list seems so insignificant. It isn’t it’s just as important that I Learn to be content in ALL my circumstances

I can take the example of Paul and learn a couple of lessons.

Lessons Learned from Paul’s Contentment

  • Contentment MUST be learned. It doesn’t just happen It takes great work.
  • No matter what comes our way- no matter how dark and ugly can be faced with contentment.
  • The secret to having contentment in all things…in every circumstance….I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13)

What about you? Is there anything you have learned from our discussion on contentment? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Blessings, Mary

NOTE: Bible references from NIV and can be found on Bible Gateway