Category: Influence

Negativity: Negative Influence Trait #2

Posted on by Mary
Negativity

Let me ask you a question…Are you a Negative Nancy? (I’m NOT saying all Nancys are negative. I have some wonderful “Nancys ” who have impacted my life so positively!)

You know the type of person I am talking about- the person who can always find a reason to be negative or down on something. Now there are two types of Negative Nancys. The first type is down on everyone else and the second type has lost all hope- the have just given up.- they are down on themselves or their circumstances.

Negative Nancy #1

I sat in a room full of women and we were brainstorming community outreach ideas. I sat and looked around the room at these hopeful happy women who chatted noisily over lunch- and then the meeting started.

I watched women enthusiastically share ideas that they had come prepared with to show love to our community and I also sat there and watched one woman shoot each idea down. I watched the air get sucked out of the room. It was like a gutt punch to each woman and before long I had silence. The faces on all the women had changed and the general attitude was how much longer til we can leave.

As I sat there watching all this take place the woman finally took a deep breath and then shared what she “wanted”. She wanted a big impactful ministry. She wanted recognition. (Her words not mine). I am all about big and impactful but there was a whole lot of I and me in what I was hearing.

What got in the way? Pride. And in the process she negatively influenced every person in that room. You could see the hurt in the eyes of every person she shot down and you could see the fear of the others who would no longer be willing to share because they didn’t want to be shot down.

What Should have happened?

For the most part as we chatted all the women in that room encouraged one another their respective ideas. Being an encouragement and building each other up is a sign that joy is in the hearts of believers. Encouragement is what we are called to do. (1 Thessalonians 5:11, Romans 14:19, Ephesians 4:2)

Choosing to shoot down every idea before we could tease it out was not beneficial and harmed other people …You know what, t as much as I have thought about this situation I cannot remember for the life of me what we decided to do that day. All I remember was the sick feeling that I left with.

What should have happened was true team building- encouragement, iron sharpening iron. We should have remembered our common purpose. We should have kept that at the forefront as we sought to reach out into our community.

A song that captures the attitude

A number of years ago I heard this song as I was preparing for a big event. And it changed my outlook and it set my focus on a very specific purpose. TobyMac’s song “Steal My Show” became my anthem. It’s not about me- it’s about making God famous. Sometimes I fail though. Sometimes I lose sight of that and do you know what song comes rushing back to reset my perspective- You got it! This one.

Another cold night
Another late flight
It’s almost show time and Diverse city’s waiting on me
We’ve got a packed house
The crowd is calling out
They want the beat to drop but what we really need is youIf you wanna steal my show
I’ll sit back and watch you go
If you got something to say
Go on and take it away
Need you to steal my show
Can’t wait to watch you go oh oh oh
So take it awaySo now the crowd is hyped
That you showed up tonight
Anticipating, craving something more than smoke and lights
So I’ll step out the way
I’ll give you set a stage
Alright, spotlight, give ’em what they came forIf you wanna steal my show
I’ll sit back and watch you go
If you got something to say
Go on and take it away
Need you to steal my show
Can’t wait to watch you go oh oh oh
So take it awayWhen you arrive
We come to life
Our hearts collide, they’re beating in the same time
You’re coming through
All eyes on you
Our hearts collide, they’re beating in the same time
Beating in the same timeNo matter who we are
No matter what we do
Every day we can choose
To say..If you wanna steal my show
I’ll sit back and watch you go
If you got something to say
Go on and take it away
Need you to steal my show
Can’t wait to watch you go oh oh oh
So take it awayMy life!
My pride!
My heart!
It’s all yours now
Take it awayMy fame!
My feet!
My family, my career
Take it away
Take it away
It’s all yours now
So take it away
Take it away
It’s you I wanna live for

Now This video is going to show up again next month. I have a completely different post based on these lyrics and video talking about ministry in general. But when we adopt this attitude NO MATTER WHAT we are doing – the impact is HUGE! In a very positive way!

Negative Nancy #2

This type of Negative Nancy could also be called Eeeyore. It is the “woe is me life is terrible I might as well go eat worms” Group. Life is hard and I will stand here and confirm that some people’s lives are just harder than others for whatever reason. That’s not for me to judge. I’m not God and I don’t know or understand what goes into all of this. I can tell you though that there are GOBS of examples of people throughout scripture that faced horrible life circumstances.

I could list them all out but that would take another 100 days and a completely different series…maybe another year! Maybe Next years #31day2022!!! (I know that is not a thing yet!)

But there is a huge difference between the examples in the Bible and these types of Negative Nancys. These negative Nancys wallow in the pain of their circumstances letting it become the definition of who they are.

The examples in the Bible chose the Even if…..I still will mentality. They choose joy over the horribleness of what they are going through. They choose to take their eyes off of themselves and place them on Jesus. He’s their ONLY reason for Hope.

A Few Examples

ALL of the prophets and judges in the Old Testament. They had to deliver news of consequences that the Israelites would be facing. They were not a cared for group. Sometimes they were threatened and sometimes hunted down and killed. (Elijah at the hands of Ahab and Jezebel 1 Kings 19:14)

The Woman with the Issue of blood- who suffered for 12 years. According to Levitical law she was unclean and couldn’t have any social interaction with anyone..TWELVE YEARS- (how’s that for perspective according to the last 18 months?).

Then There’s Paul and perhaps my favorites- talk about a radically changed man. Once a persecutor of Christ followers now living and serving Jesus with all he has!

Here’s a run down of Pauls life after conversion to Christianity.

 23 Are they servants of Christ? I know I sound like a madman, but I have served him far more! I have worked harder, been put in prison more often, been whipped times without number, and faced death again and again. 24 Five different times the Jewish leaders gave me thirty-nine lashes. 25 Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked. Once I spent a whole night and a day adrift at sea. 26 I have traveled on many long journeys. I have faced danger from rivers and from robbers. I have faced danger from my own people, the Jews, as well as from the Gentiles. I have faced danger in the cities, in the deserts, and on the seas. And I have faced danger from men who claim to be believers but are not.[a] 27 I have worked hard and long, enduring many sleepless nights. I have been hungry and thirsty and have often gone without food. I have shivered in the cold, without enough clothing to keep me warm.

28 Then, besides all this, I have the daily burden of my concern for all the churches. 29 Who is weak without my feeling that weakness? Who is led astray, and I do not burn with anger? (2 Corinthians 11:23-29 NLT)

I don’t know about you but despite all the struggles I have faced in my life mime doesn’t compare to all that Paul had faced in roughly 32 years of serving Jesus. The above account doesn’t mention his blindness at conversion which many scholars believe could be his “thorn in the flesh” he struggled with which is mentioned a few times throughout scripture and a snake bite. And yet DESPITE all of that Paul writes in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 “Be thankful in ALL circumstances for this is God’s will for youth belong to Christ Jesus.” (NLT)

And this sentiment is reiterated over and over again throughout Paul’s writings. If ever there was a man who could be negative and lose hope in his circumstances it was Paul. He would eventually be persecuted to the point of death- and still he counted it all joy.

AND THEN THERE IS JESUS. The Messiah. The one hoped for and prayed for. He came to earth and was rejected…..rejected so much that he was crucified. He knew how he was going to die. Rejected by his closest friends. In his final moments his father in heaven turned his back on him and yet he prayed for us- not condemned those who stood and yelled crucify him…he prayed “Father forgive them – because they don’t know what they are doing.”

A Song that Captures the attitude

A song that really challenges us to really see that this negative way of thinking isn’t helpful. Instead we have the greatest thing to be thankful for…GRACE.

And the perfect song to illustrate this is GRACE GOT YOU by MercyMe

Have you ever met those who
Keep hummin’ when the song’s through?
It’s like they’re living life to a whole different tune
And have you ever met those that
Keep hoping when it’s hopeless?
It’s like they figured out what the rest haven’t yetThe second you realize what you have inside
It’s only just a matter of time…’Til you sing, so the back row hears you
Glide ’cause walkin’ just won’t do
Dance, you don’t have to know how to
Ever since, ever since Grace got you
Laugh, ’til your whole side’s hurtin’
Smile like you just got away with somethin’, why?
‘Cause you just got away with somethin’
Ever since, ever since Grace got youSo when you’re standin’ in the rain again
You might as well be dancin’, why? ‘Cause there ain’t no storm that can change how this ends
So next time when you feel blue
Don’t let that smile leave you, why?
‘Cause you have every reason just toSing, so the back row hears you
Glide, ’cause walkin’ just won’t do
Dance, you don’t have to know how to
Ever since, ever since Grace got you
Laugh, ’til your whole side’s hurtin’
Smile like you just got away with somethin’, why?
‘Cause you just got away with somethin’
Ever since, ever since Grace got you
Ever since, ever since Grace got you
Grace got youGot away with somethin’, bubblin’ inside of you
Spillin’ over ’cause your life is full, how incredible
Undeniable, monumental like the Eiffel
Uncontrollable, let the joy flow through – haha
Giddy, over pretty, pretty please
Let me see your hands in the air with you out your seats
Warm it up, let go, shout it out, celebrate
When you can’t articulate just say, “Amazing grace”The second you realize what you have inside
It’s only just a matter of (only just a matter of)
It’s only just a matter of time (just a matter of time)’Til you sing, so the back row hears you
Glide ’cause walkin’ just won’t do
Dance, you don’t have to know how to
Ever since, ever since Grace got you
Laugh, ’til your whole side’s hurtin’
Smile like you just got away with somethin’, why?
‘Cause you just got away with somethin’
Ever since, ever since Grace got you
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah
Ever since, ever since Grace got you
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah
Grace got you
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah
Ever since, ever since Grace got you
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah
Grace got you
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah
Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah
Grace got you

When we choose negativity over Joy…..

We are thwarting God’s plan for our lives. He wants us to be grateful to him in all circumstances. And as much as that is difficult there are still things to be grateful for. Even though people aren’t doing things they way we would like them to be done (preferences) we can still be encouraging. We can choose to build up and not tear down. We can choose to cheer on others. And if we don’t make those choices that we have a powerfully negative influence.

Now it’s your turn

Our lack of Joy and focus of the negative can be one of the very first negative influences we can have on people. We need to ask and rely on God to change this in our lives. And the very first Step we can make is choosing a life of gratitude and encouragement. Choosing to thank God for the smallest of blessings in our lives radically changes us because it takes our minds ff f ourselves and puts our attention where it rightly belongs.

We all struggle with this and please know that you aren’t alone. Choosing to see that helps us to be grateful. Knowing that God has provided examples of people who have gone before us who have struggled in great ways and still chosen hope and joy in the middle of it all should serve as a great encouragement to us. (Have you ever read Corrie ten Boom’s Story?). It’s doesn’t mean that life get’s easier or that all the sorrows of this life will disappear. It’s how we handle those sorrows and who we give the glory in the middle.

Thank you so much for joining me on this journey.

Check. out These links

Write 31 Days 2018 Influence Posts

Choosing Courage 100 Day Writing Project

Write 31 Days 2021 Link up List. (Scroll to the bottom)

Hatred: Negative Influence Trait #1

Posted on by Mary
Hatred

Good morning everyone! And welcome to the next 9 days of focusing on the traits that give us a negative influence. Today we will be focusing on hatred. I don’t like to dwell on the negative but it’s so easy to convince ourselves that we aren’t “Negative people”. But we all have a sin nature and sometimes negative influence traits sneak in and before we know it our words and actions are impacting many around us with what is hidden in our hearts.

HATRED 101

So when we visited the very first positive influence trait of Love we looked at 1 Corinthians 13 for the definition of Love. Well as I scoured scripture for the definition of Hate a realization hit me….Just like I am taking the reverse of Galatians 5:22-23 for the Negative influences, I can also take the opposites of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

So Let’s flip it!

Hatred is…

  • impatient
  • unkind
  • jealous
  • boastful
  • prideful
  • rude
  • demands it’s own way
  • is irritable (cranky)
  • keeps records of being wronged
  • rejoices about injustices
  • doesn’t rejoice when the truth wins out.
  • gives up
  • loses faith
  • never hopeful
  • doesn’t endure in every circumstance

YIKES AND OUCH!

What I learn

When I look at these something very distinct shows up. I already said that love takes the focus off of ourselves and puts the focus on others BUT when we flip Love to hatred it become GLARINGLY obvious that hatred is all about putting ourselves over other people.

So how do we negatively influence people By BEING SELFISH!!!

And all we have to do is let one tiny little seed of any one of these things in our hearts and as it sprouts and takes root it turns into something greater and more dangerous.

Saul and David

As I have been preparing for these 9 Negative influences I have prayed for examples from the Bible to come Bubbling to the surface. And I have one major one that we will visit many times over the next 9 days and that is Saul and David.

And we will also add in Saul’s son Jonathan. These three are a point of interest to me as I have grown in my walk with God. The reason is because of how the dynamics of their relationships work. And maybe some day I will dive deeper into this subject.

When I really started thinking about David and Saul and I really started asking the questions about what really caused the division between Saul and David I keep coming back to Saul letting jealousy take root in his heart. And from there it really snowballs and anger becomes a big problem.

Isn’t that how hatred really happens.

We let one tiny little speck of any one of those problems listed above take root in our hearts. And before we know it most of them if not all of them creep into our lives.

Looking back at Saul before David ever entered the picture Saul was already having trouble with giving up, losing hope and losing faith, When David found Saul’s camp and saw Goliath making a mockery of the Israelites David was shocked because the Israelites served the one true God who was greater than any other god and Saul wasn’t choosing bravery and confidence it God .

Saul’s heart issues started long before David ever entered the picture. But after Samuel anointed David as future king, Saul’s heart took a dangerous turn. Jealousy and anger and bitterness seeds spouted and before long he was seeking to kill David.

Now I can here you say, “but Mary I’m not gonna murder so and so”. BUT 1 John 3:15 says ” Anyone who hates another brother or sister is a murderer….”

So we need to be very careful about what we harbor in our hearts…Because we know what is in our hearts will be revealed through our speech and actions!

Now it’s your turn

We need to start asking God to reveal any hidden root of hatred we have hidden in our hearts and to help us choose acts of selflessness over selfishness. Stay awake and alert to these emotions and feelings that are planted. We have to be oh so careful! And then when God brings those things to our attention, we need to be willing to change. We need to be willing to learn from our mistakes and then be willing to CHANGE. It’s hard! But if we want to turn our negative influence into a positive influence it is imperative !

I am so glad oyu joined me again today and if you are new WELCOME

Catch up with these links

Write 31 Days 2018 Influence Posts

Choosing Courage 100 Day Writing Project

Write 31 Days 2021 Link up List. (Scroll to the bottom)

Unintentional Influence

Posted on by Mary
unintentional

Have you ever done something without ever really giving it much thought only later to find out that someone was watching…….and they were impacted? It’s unintentional- You didn’t wake up that day and say TODAY I WILL INFLUENCE ……

It’s amazing how much one small action or words or an attitude can impact someone.

I have three instances that stand out over my life time. I know there are more both in the positive and the negative but these three are some of the biggest moments that opened my eyes to just how powerful these unintentional moments are.

I didn’t do anything per se…..

When I woke up each of these mornings I didn’t wake up with the sole purpose to make people see something special about me. I remember back in high school and college how some. of my friends acted different …it was a facade they put on around unbelievers so they could make them see just how “different” they were from the rest of the world. How do I know that because I was one of them. Actually I was great at being a chameleon. I would change myself based on what people wanted me to be. In college I had 2 sets of friends…..Ones that were real genuine people and then there were those who were trying to find themselves (There was another set- the popular ones and well I didn’t really get to hangout with them- I didn’t make the cut) but I was pretty much friends with everyone else.

We have spent much of our time as young believers that we have to put on this “holy” exterior to look different. BUT as I have gotten older I have realized that different that the lost world is looking for isn’t an exterior difference.

3 Stories

These three stories I am going to tell are all about unintentional positive influence that I never really “purposed ” to have. By this I mean I didn’t just crawl out of bed each of these mornings and be like I am going to show Mr A AND the two Dr. P’s just how different I am.

NOPE that isn’t what happened at all.

Mr. A.

I started working in a pretty high stress Christian environment at about 23- by high stress I mean it was physical work and time sensitive- and I enjoyed it immensely. Summer wasn’t as high stressed as other times during the year. Pretty much everyone I worked with were Christians and had a lot of fun together.

But one day I walked into the kitchen and people were talking about this Mr. A guy. He was talked about as though he was the biggest, meanest, gruffest guy you would ever meet. He had served in the miltary during wartime. And he was coming back to work.

Time went by and lots of comments were made. And then one day I came into work and there was this big bald guy there. I walked past and said hello. What came next was socking. “You aren’t gonna try spending all your time getting me saved too are you?” I’m not quite sure what my fave did but I know I shook my head no, smiled and walked away.

The influence others had

An unbeliever working within a very distinct Christian environment is like throwing a piece of raw meat to a tank full of hungry sharks. AND everyone wanted that trophy hanging on their wall. And Mr. A knew it. People didn’t just talk to him to talk to him, they had a hidden agenda and he could spot it a mile away. People weren’t loving and kind in a genuine way- they wanted to get that man saved so they could brag about it.

After summer was over I took on a full time position there. I would later find out that I actually had taken on the jobs of three people from the previous year,

One day I walked in after my morning break and Mr. A and another cook were cracking eggs. Mr. A looked at me and then at his cohort and said “we haven’t welcomed her to the kitchen. Mary hold out your hands.” Which I naively did and within seconds I had two smashed eggs dripping through my fingers. We all laughed and joked and I am pretty sure that was the day the other chef started calling me “Sweet Mary Sunshine”

But there was a problem

I was exhausted. And I was getting sick. I was running myself ragged. I was at work from 5 am to sometimes 10 or 11 at night. Don’t worry I didn’t work that whole time. I was just on campus for that long. I was working from 5 am to about 2:30 pm.

The only time I sat down was for a morning break after breakfast and lunch time. Otherwise I was on my feel and moving.

And as the exhaustion of doing the job of three people began to wear me down, I began to not move as fast, and my clarity of mind was fading.

And out of that came a co-worker who was downright mean. During this time I got screamed at in front of most f the student body for missing crumbs that weren’t on the table in from of her baked goods five minutes earlier.

She would stand over me at the serving line during peak rushes and yell at me for not doing things right. Including wiping down the area (which we were told not to do until the rush was over). and the list went on and on and on. I don’t know why she didn’t like me but the treatment was rough. Then in my people pleasing younger self (ahem It’s still a problem today) I asked her what I could do to get better- I was crushed when she let me have it with both barrels. Basically I was a failure in her eyes who couldn’t do anything right. And she pretty much told me I wouldn’t’t really be able to do better.

Sick and devastated

I pretty much had brought the devastated state on myself and I was told so a few weeks later by a co worker who had overheard the whole conversation. He told me that I knew she didn’t like me so why did it matter what she thought. He encouraged me to not give her criticism much thought and the reality was I was doing the job of three people and that I was working really hard.

One day Mr. A. and the other cook came to me and tried to encourage me. I didn’t realize so many people were seeing and hearing how she treated me. Not long after that I cracked. Hubby and I were sitting in out car and I was sobbing. I don’t remember what happened that day but it all came crashing in. Hubby didn’t realize things had gotten so bad. I was holding it all together. He saw how sick I was and they wouldn’t let me take off more than a two days because it was “impossible to find people to fill your job”.

“I want you to quit”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing my husband say- I had only been working there since the summer. It was now October. But in my sick and exhausted state I agreed and I gave my two weeks notice the next morning. The boss tried to get me to stay but I couldn’t. I don’t remember much of the next two weeks but I know that the two main cooks (one being Mr. A) told me how much they were going to miss me and that they would happily give me glowing reviews for my next job. And that I needed to come back and visit.

And then like a flash

Those two weeks were done and I was wrapping up my last shift. I didn’t want to leave. I had met some wonderful people. But I needed to be home at least for a little while…..I needed to refocus.

SO I wiped my hands on my towel that hung from my apron strings wrapped around my stomach. I pulled it from my side and tossed it into the dirty towel bin. I took off my dirty apron and tossed it into the dirty Apron bin and I hung my jean baseball cap on the hook and I began to give hugs and say my goodbyes. I said goodbye to everyone- but one. No one said I had to say goodbye to her. I could just slip away and never think twice about it. I couldn’t tell her I was going to miss her because I wouldn’t. I remember very clearly whispering “God give me strength” because I didn’t know what she had for me as parting remarks.

I walked over to her said goodbye and she hugged me. I was stunned. I walked away not sure what had happened. I hugged her back. I walked around the end of the grills and I felt the tight grip around my arm and I was whipped around to come face to face with Mr. A who had tears in his eyes. And what he said next I have had echo through my ears so many times over the last 18.5 years. “In all of my time working here, that was the most Christian thing I have ever seen anyone do.”

I have zero recollection of anything else after that moment. and as I have processed this moment over and over and over again I have come to realize a few things.

  1. Mr. A knew what was most important as a believer. The walk matching the talk. Mr. A and I never had a spiritual conversation…EVER.
  2. It’s about our ripple effect. When I choose to give that bitter woman a goodbye it was hard for me. I had to trust God that it was right and good. NOT what was easy.
  3. I need to be intentional with my choices so when the time arises the unintentional positive influences can be made.
  4. People are watching and when our walk doesn’t match our talk we become a negative influence

Dr. P #1

Now I saw A LOT of Dr. P. for about 6 months. He saw me at my absolute worst. He was honestly one of the most attentive Doctors I have ever had. If I was in the ER he was there checking in on me If I was recovering he was there checking on me. I didn’t know what to make of him the very first time I met him in his office. He basically told me after he did this procedure I would be in the worst pain of my life and he was kinda gruff- but still nice.

What I found out was he was very sympathetic. He saw me in the absolute worst pain I had ever been in. He was patient with my drugged out my mid questions and he rolled with my spunky “we gotta talk” statement after the nurse was forthcoming with some rather horrible “news”.

And he said as he left that morning as he patted my foot “I don’t know how after all that you have gone through how you can still be so sweet and smile and not be angry and frstrated.” And then he turned and walked out of the room.

He would go onto tell me that three more times. The last time as he said that I looked at him ad told him it all had to do with my faith in God. He then left quickly again

I planted a seed. Not just in words but in the peace I had despite all of the medical chaos. Despite all the missing of hubby and the kids he could see the peace that passes all understanding.

Dr. P #2

My dentist- I broke a tooth a few weeks ago. I hadn’t seen him in a while (Umm covid!) and He and I were chatting about the events of the last year and a half. And he asked how we had handled quarantine and the like to which I responded “we loved it”. Not a lie. We actually REALLY enjoyed quarantine because we grew so much as a family. We did some crazy stuff. We read a bunch of books together. We spent a lot of quality time together in God’s word. It was just great.

He was stunned when I responded with we loved it so he asked a few little questions and he replied “you are breath f fresh air” as he started to drill out the tooth.

iI sat in the chair as he fixed it unable to say anything else. Yes quarantine had it’s hard parts but because we chose a different perspective- focusing on what we had rather than what we had lost- I could easily say we loved it because we did. It was a heart choice a year and a half ago. We could have easily had a spirit of complaining but we made a choice to live in gratitude.

Influence begins in the Heart

I know I have said it a bunch but out of the goodness in our hearts good things are done by good people. Our speech and our actions are an outpouring of what is really in our hearts.

And in each one of these influential moments it was a matter of my making a choice LONG before I was ever in the moment .

And then in the moment I had another internal choice to actually do what I had chosen to do so long before. And even when we are intentional with our choices we have unintentional influences,

But what about the Negative

These three instances are the only three I can think of over 41 years of life I know there are positive and negative. I think the biggest thing is we in most often cases don’t know about the negative influences. People don’t just walk up and say “yo, you were really…..” Sometimes maybe but often times it is left unsaid.

But we have to be aware- awake. Paying attention to the fact that all of our choices good or bad impact other people and have either a positive or a negative influence. And we need to do the hard heart work we have talked about over the last 9 days to make sure that when we are faced with this spur of the moment decisions that our hearts are prepared to make the choices for us to be a positive influence to the world around us.

Now it’s your Turn

What are some moments in your life where you made a choice that seemed rather insignificant and God used it to influence someone else?

What are some areas you need to grow?

Check out these links

Write 31 Days 2018 Influence Posts

Choosing Courage 100 Day Writing Project

Write 31 Days 2021 Link up List. (Scroll to the bottom)

Self-Control – Positive Influence Trait #9

Posted on by Mary
Self-control

Well good morning everyone! And welcome to our last positive. Influence Trait : Self-Control. A few months ago I was sitting in church and our pastor Justin was talking about self- control and how self-control wasn’t really about us being in control of ourselves, but rather the Holy Spirit being in control of us. And when that happens we are free from the “try harder and do better” mentalities we all have.

I wish I could explain to you what happened that day. It had been an incredibly rough few months and I was teetering on the edge of what felt like insanity! The amount of anxiety I was dealing with was terrible. (we had no concept yet that the anxiety was based on extremely low iron levels) And each day was just another day of me striving to try harder and do better- BUT I was failing. The anxiety had gotten so bad that I was convinced it was the food I was eating that was causing my heart to race- I was hardly eating anything.

Truth sets us free

When Justin spoke this truth and I realized that I was living that life of ” try harder and do better” I was set free. Did it mean the anxiety left? NOPE NOT ONE BIT. It actually got worse. BUT because I had yielded my control (the food I ate- which was rooted in fear by the way), I experienced PEACE.

Something strange started to happen- As I relinquished my control over certain areas I began to experience these traits.

What happens when we “try harder to do better”

This isn’t to say that I have arrived because my goodness I have not. There are moments that I struggle with ALL of those traits and it becomes glaringly obvious that I am seeking my own way, “that I am trying to do better and try harder.”

  • Those days aren’t full of love- because I don’t have the ability to love in my own strength.
  • I cannot choose joy when I don’t have a grateful heart for all that Jesus has done.
  • Peace doesn’t show up when I am fretting over how much better I can be and how much harder I need to try,
  • Patience is turned to impatience because I haven’t surrendered my ways over the ways of Jesus.
  • Kindness is lost in the fervor of doing better, just checking things off the list in las mode ( have you ever noticed how unkind people get when it’s all about checking things off their to-do list?)
  • Goodness is is drowned out when we seek our own ways over God’s ways. God’s ways are good my ways are mediocre at best.
  • Faithfulness becomes unimportant because it’s no longer about God but all about me and those who have been unfaithful to me.
  • Gentleness becomes a thing of the past because well harshness has won over.
  • And when all of those things are lost – my emotions, behaviors and desires are all out of whack. We are no longer a controlled self.

That’s what it comes down to

Not that I have self- control but that I am a controlled by the Holy Spirit! We have come full circle!

And my heart is light because I know it’s no longer about checking this list off. I cannot do this without the Holy Spirit. If I want these to be markers of my walk with God I HAVE to yield complete control of r my life to him. There are so many things we want to hold onto that we believe we need to do on our own. But that is a lie from Satan. We are NEVER called to be lone rangers on this journey we call life

And when we recognize this- our lives begin to change radically. AMD THAT CHANGE takes the eyes off of us and puts it where it rightly belongs! ON JESUS- And That my friends is the most powerful positive influence you can have!

Now it’s your turn.

This perhaps is the hardest t choice you have to make. Hardest because surrendering your thoughts, emotions, desires and rights is so very hard. But when you start to do so ad you quit striving to do better and work harder, the most incredible sense of freedom happens.

So, ask yourself “what am I holding onto?” “what am I trying harder to do better in my life?”

Then ask God to change your heart- give him all the junk you are holding onto ( this isn’t a once and done thing either). Sometimes we are on a minute by minute yielding of my own way. Give Him that “do better and try harder” life style and rely on Him to change us.

Thank you for joining me on this journey! As we talk about the Power of your influence we are going to take a bit of a break from traits. We have gone through all of the positive traits so far and in a day or so we will jump into the Negative Influence traits (Hint we have already talked about them).

Check out these links

Write 31 Days 2018 Influence Posts

Choosing Courage 100 Day Writing Project

Write 31 Days 2021 Link up List. (Scroll to the bottom)

Faithfulness-Positive Influence Trait #7

Posted on by Mary
Faithfulness

Good morning everyone and welcome to day 9 of the #31days2021 writing challenge . We are going to focus on the positive influence trait of faithfulness. As I have been prepping for this post I struggled with the fact that we are generally unfaithful people- we a wishy-washy. We get distracted so easily and we lose sight of our priorities and what is the most important,

When I think of faithfulness I think about how faithful God is to us.BUT because God is faithful we are called to be faithful as well. And that got me thinking about who we are to be faithful to.

Faithfulness in a nutshell

There are two groups of we should be faithful too.

  • God
  • People

HA! that takes care of everyone! But seriously though those are who we should be faithful too. But before we can talk about what exactly that looks like, we must first understand WHAT faithfulness is.

Faithfulness

The definition of being faithful is remaining loyal and steadfast. In light of this we see that we are truly a very wishy-washy people. And the interesting thing is the only way we can do this is by denying our selfish ambitions.. (are you beginning to draw the same conclusions I am as we dive deeper into these positive influence traits?).

So what does our faithfulness look like ?

To God

A number of years ago I was in the middle of a bible study. And even though I KNEW what devotions are (even though we “know” stuff sometimes it takes a while for it to sink in and when it does be become responsible to apply it to the best of our abilities.) I came to a deeper understanding of what devotions meant.

So let’s talk about devotions.

Devotions I know I have talked about this a couple of times in the past. But I think we toss around the word “devotions” or “devos” without fulling understanding what exactly it means. Having devotions is the outpouring of being DEVOTED to God When you are devoted to someone or something is means that you are very loving and loyal…..Hmm there’s loyal again.

Loyalty

Loyal means giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person or institution..

I know that life happens and schedules are busy but it’s during those times when we say even if I am crazy busy, my relationship with God is too important to me to let go of , so I will still take the time to spend with him. Sometimes that means a few minutes and other times that might mean an even bigger chunk of time. But that is what being faithful is about! Making that choice to be loyal even in the middle of the mess- even in the middle of the busy- even in the middle of the hard. It is the attitude and commitment of “even if….I still will…”

And then there the people.

People

People are hard. It’s because of that selfish ambition we keep talking about. Whether it’s theirs OR our own.

People hurt us and we hurt people. We let our own circumstances get in the way and we forget that our friends and family have their own hard things. And it’s easy to get frustrated and assume intentions and blah blah blah. It’s easy to get lost in the all of the emotions that come with selfish ambitions.

But we can choose to not harbor those emotions and frustrations and see things from others perspectives. Choosing to be loyal and still show care and concern even if it’s not reciprocated. That’s being faithful. Why is this so important? Because that is exactly what God does for us! Remember a few paragraphs ago when I said that things get in the way with our walk with God? Well even when we become less faithful with our relationship with God- he NEVER stops being faithful to us.

Do Unto others…

We all want our friends to be faithful to us…even when things are going bad for us. SO we should be faithful to them when things aren’t going so well for them. BUT a huge problem stands in the way. ENTITLEMENT (AKA selfish ambition.)

Sometimes we get so clouded by what is going on in our own lives we lose sight of our relationships. And if our family or friends don’t seem as interested in our problems as they once did we get offended or frustrated that they have become too busy for us. We forget that we can’t assume we know what is going on in their lives. We forget to ask them how they are doing because we feel forgotten. And we forget to treat them how we want to be treated. And before we know it we have lost those relationships.

Being faithful to our friends and family requires setting aside all the emotions and hurts …And saying even if…..I still will. ….

I will still Choose

  • love,
  • patience,
  • not to be jealous, boastful, proud or rude
  • not to demand my own way
  • not to be irritable
  • not to keep a record of wrongs
  • not to rejoice about injustices
  • to rejoice when truth wins out
  • not to give up
  • not to lose faith
  • to be hopeful
  • to endure through EVERY circumstance

Now there’s a picture of what true faithfulness for those we care about! That’s the definition of true love! I don’t know about you but I look at that list and I see shortcomings and failures. I know I have let people down in many of those areas.

AND YET…..

Things come full circle when I realize that despite ALL of my shortcomings and ALL of my failures, God is still faithful and he forgives me and takes those broken failures and turns them into beautiful redemption. He is in the habit of redeeming broken things and turning them into something completely beautiful. And that makes me want to be more faithful than ever before.

We can trust him with those tings…BUT we have to choose to! We have a choice to be faithful to God and to those we love. We have a choice to keep our commitments to them.

Now it’s your turn

At each turn along this journey we come face to face with hard questions we need to ask ourselves. It’s hard heart work. But it is absolutely necessary if we want to grow in the Fruit of the Spirit,

Are we willing to set aside our own hurts and pains and ask God to help us be faithful to our friends and family? Are we willing to say even if things don’t go my way am I willing to be faithful to God and to those I know and love?

And are we willing to say Lord not my will but yours AND mean it?

Let me know what is your biggest struggle in the comments below.

Check. out the Links

Write 31 Days 2018 Influence Posts

Choosing Courage 100 Day Writing Project

Write 31 Days 2021 Link up List (Scroll to the bottom)