Hello Friends and welcome to the final week of #31days2021 writing challenge. And this week we are going to get PRACTICAL! We have learned what godly (good) influence looks like and we have learned what negative influence looks like. But it doesn’t matter what we know unless we put it into practice!
Influencers
When I hear the word influencer, the very first thing that comes to mind is what we today call a “social media influencer.” Being a blogger I have to spend some time on social media. Of course like all people who use multiple platforms we have our favorites. But there are people on social media who have thousands of followers (or millions) and they reach A LOT of people with their content.
I’m just teeny blog…I don’t have thousands of followers…I don’t even really know if I have 20. What I do know is that I have a few readers that through my journey over the last few months who have told me that my writing has helped them and their families. AND THAT MAKES ME AN INFLUENCER. But long before there was ever a blog…there was a husband, and a church, and a couple of teeny tiny kiddos and ya know what…..I WAS STILL AN INFLUENCER. We are all influencers because we all HAVE people on a daily basis that we influence.
Why I write
I don’t write to influence millions. I write to help that one person that might be struggling. I know I know I hear all the visionaries in the background shouting at me….dream bigger. I have big dreams. My accountability team knows that. BUT my purpose comes first. I am going to work with what I’ve Got to bring glory to God in all that I say and do and to help people grow in their walk with God!
Where you are at with what you have got
Once upon a time (pre-pandemic) I worked with a crisis pregnancy center. I loved it and the women I worked with. And on a few occasions I had the opportunity to share with people about the center. And it always amazed me how women would come up to me afterwards and tell me how great it was that I could do such a thing. It was the idea that “as a pastor’s wife you get that privilege and that I couldn’t ever do such a thing,.”
I’m here to tell you to stop doing that. As a pastor’s wife I don’t have some special gifting to do certain things. Yes I have gifts and abilities but I had them along before I was a pastor’s wife and even if I am never a pastor’s wife again I could still do what I have been gifted in.
It’s all about being willing
You just have to be willing to use what you already have. Often times these women who would act this way have powerful backgrounds , ones that are full of redemption grace and mercy. Many times it takes someone with a similar history who can relate to someone who is currently living a similar story. Someone who can say “Hey I have been there and this is what Jesus did for me!”
Things get in our way
Somewhere along the line we have fallen for the lie that only speakers, bloggers, missionaries or pastors families are equipped to do the “hard stuff”. (That’s what I have been told by people). God equips those he calls, So many people are called but they refuse to be equipped. Because they either think they don’t need to be equipped (arrogance)), they buy into a lie that they can’t be equipped, or they just don’t want to be equipped.
God wants to use your story- you are the only person who can share it the way he wants you to. He has given you a story, gifts, abilities and passion. You have to be willing to use it for his glory or it goes to waste. He wants to take those hard things in your life and turn them into something beautiful. And trust me there is nothing more beautiful than when he takes your broken places and uses them to radically transform someone else life!
The ONLY thing standing in your way of doing that is a willingness to let God use this broken places AND a willingness to learn from other people!
There is only two questions left to ask…..
ARE YOU WILLING to use what he has already given you? Then if the answer is yes- What is standing in your way?
I would love to chat with you in the comments about how God is working in Your heart on this subject! You can also email me!
Thanks for joining me today! I so love getting to know each one of you.
If you are new here WELCOME! I would love for you to introduce yourself in the comments and feel free to check out the links below!
Hi Friends! So today we are going to finish up part 2 of my “silence ” set of posts. Originally it was not supposed to be a 2 part series but because of the nature of my week it ended up needing to be.
What happened-
Late last week I was contact by the Gastro doctor’s office to let me know there was a cancellation so my appointment in December could be moved forward to the 22nd of this month (aka Friday). Well I had no idea just what was in store …I mean I kinda did- but things changed, So I wasn’t prepared ahead of time for having a post prepped ahead for Friday.
Since being back on gluten for these tests I have been battling some serious brain fog and a serious lack in energy. Along with feeling generally icky.
All of this needed to be done in order to test for celiacs and another issue in relation to understanding why my iron is so low.
I had no idea that when I came out of the procedure that I would be told I shouldn’t post anything to the internet. I thought surely I will go home sleep off more of the anesthesia and be fine….HA NOPE! I woke up from however long I was asleep. I knew I was supposed to write about self-control…..Nothing -my brain was mush. I glanced through my list of topics and I knew that the silence post would be fitting.
I knew that choosing silence instead of forcing a post that I am pretty sure wouldn’t make any sense was the wisest choice. That post was super short but mentally was a very straining post to write. I got to the end of it. I attempted to proofread it and the words were all fuzzy and running together so I asked my hubby to proofread it for me.
What could have been a negative influence
Apparently it was a very wise idea to have him do that. There were some autocorrections that were definitely outside of my character. I made a choice to make a small post because I wanted to keep in the 100 day challenge and the write 31 days challenge. In someways it is good that I still chose to write but if I didn’t have hubby here to help me it would have been so much better to choose silence even for a mini post.
Why because that one little post could have hurt my influence. Even though no one really knew my circumstances, that doesn’t excuse a poor choice.
A Time to…
the Bible tells us that there is a time is a time to be quiet and a time to speak. (Eccl. 3:7) There have been times over the last 6 months when we have chosen complete silence, because we asked ourselves this question….
Does what we have to say build up or tear down?
Ephesians 4:29 (NLT)
29 Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
Matthew 12:36 (NLT)
36 And I tell you this, you must give an account on judgment day for every idle word you speak.
Proverbs 18:21 (NLT)
The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NLT)
11 So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.
Romans 14:19 (NLT)
19 So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up.
And I could keep going! Studying ones speech in Scripture is very interesting. And there have been times I have gotten it all wrong. I have kept silent when I should have spoken up and I should have kept quiet when I said too much. But sometimes we just need to revert back to that phrase that our moms taught us and that we taught our children ‘if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”
But Keeping silent isn’t always the best option
That doesn’t mean that sometimes we won’t have to ask the hard questions and keep someone accountable, specifically if they have asked us to- always choose kindness over harshness…ALWAYS. But other times our greatest influence that we can have is silence.
Choosing to be present. Choosing to show up. It’s amazing who has shown up for me in the last 10 months and who hasn’t. I know life happens and I know that everybody has their own stuff and I’m not mad but just as much as silence is sometimes our best option it can also be the worst.
Silence can be our greatest influence and it can be our worst. Knowing when and where to be silent is an art form. One I am still learning- one I fail at regularly.
Wisdom builds understanding
As much as we want to rely on our instincts in these situations we need an ongoing relationship with Jesus ad to be praying for wisdom in what to say and how to build others up. Is it about our presence or is it about encouraging someone with words.
A Challenge
I want us to be challenged going into this week to choose to build someone up. To choose presence and encouragement over critical assumptions and words. Not to wait for someone to reach out to us but to reach out to the other person first.
Sometimes we just need to be there and I am so glad you are here. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to stop by my little piece of the internet!
Feel free to poke around. I have a little bit of everything here and I want you to know that this is a place where I want you to grow in your walk with Jesus!
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Hello my sweet friends! Thank you for joining me today for the last of the negative influence traits- Undisciplined. If you remember back to our ninth positive influence trait we talked about being self-controlled. We talked about how it’s not about trying harder or doing better but about being controlled by God.
Well today we are going to talk about being uncontrolled- or undisciplined.
What is the best way to be controlled by God?
Well by building your relationship with him. Building the spiritual discipline of prayer, devotions and bible study are a great start but you can do all of those things and not practice the discipline of complete surrender you will not be controlled by God.(The Holy Spirit)
When we are uncontrolled (or undisciplined)….
We do whatever we jolly well please. We have no purpose we are pursuing and we run around doing “important-ish” things. Yeah they might be kinda important but they aren’t the most important. We have no rhyme or reason for our days and by the end of them we sit back and wonder where on earth did I go wrong. I didn’t get anything really important done.
Many times it’s all about what I want to get done. Yes it is way more fun to organize the craft room than fill out that important paperwork. Yes it might be way more thrilling to read that book than do my devotions…..and the list goes on and on.
Our lives are fulll and yes we might get away with a day or two or seven with neglecting those essential disciplines and playing “hooky” on life but it will catch up with us I promise.
Our homes become a disaster…..our attitudes become rude, harsh and impatient. We hurt people who care about us , because we have been so “me” focused. Sure we can fake it for a while but….
You cannot give what you do not have.
I cannot give the spiritual help to my family and friends if I am not firmly rooted in God’s word. It just cannot happen. You cannot give away a million dollars if you don’t first have a million dollars. You cannot share peace if you don’t have peace.
And if we don’t put these traits into practice in our everyday lives when big things come…as in trauma and discouragement we cannot pull from our reserves of what we have learned. It’s a big circle…when I practice Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness we are self-controlled. and when we are self-controlled those traits listed about are how we are self-controlled. These are things that we are expected to practice every day.
Sorry we don’t get a pass.
Just because my personality isn’t very patient, it doesn’t mean I get to just say well God didn’t create me to be a patient person so therefore I don’t have to be patient.
Have you ever met a baby?
I have never met a patient baby. All baby’s are born with one focus…..Themselves. They cry when they are hungry, thirsty, have a dirty diaper, in pain, too hot, too cold, too tired and bored. But as parents we try to teach our babies as they grow into dodders the discipline of patience. Generally we fail. (or at least so we think).
And then we tackle it again when they are school-aged… sometimes every hour depending on what stage they are in.
Then they hit their teen years and it is a whole new level of patience
Oh and then they hit young adulthood and it seems like everything requires patience AND THEN this magical thing happens, an impatient young wife and impatient young husband give birth to perfectly impatient baby and the parents learn a whole new level of patience (The reality is NO ONE EVER FULLY ARRIVES).
The Life Cycle is the same.
One of the greatest things I have ever learned was the problems in parenting are always the same the situations just change and get bigger. Isn’t that the truth.
At 41 I am still learning and building the disciplines and traits of Galatians 5:22-23. I am still teaching them to my kids.
The circumstances get harder and sometimes scarier but if we keep building the foundations of these disciplines then they/we have the groundwork to keep growing in them.
BUT….
If we choose to not build those foundations for ourselves and our children, they and we will not be able to handle the bigger stuff as they get older. As life trials fly at us or those people who are harder to love come into our lives we will be unable to live as Christ did.
I reel at the thought of just how much self-control Jesus had…..I mean God is man’s flesh stood being falsely accused in an illegal trial, found guilty and sentenced to die one of the most cruel deaths ever dreamed up…..and he never said one word to defend himself. He could have struck them all dead. To quote the old song, He could have called Ten Thousand angels…..BUT he didn’t. Because he knew his purpose. He knew what had to happen.
When we choose to live a life of purpose…..
We choose discipline. We don’t lose sight of what is most important. We know God has a plan for us to be the hands and feel of Jesus to those around us. And because of that we choose discipline. We know that undisciplined, uncontrolled lives will leave us negatively influencing those around us.
Now it’s Your Turn.
What needs to change to make you more controlled by the Holy Spirit? Is it living a surrendered life? Is it committing to be devoted to God in Bible reading,Bible study or prayer? Maybe it’s an ongoing accountability with a friend who will help keep your attitude it check?
Whatever it is I challenge you to give it to God and work with Him through the challenges as you let him change your negative influence into a Godly influence.
Thank you again for doing me today! Check out these links below to catch up or if you are just beginning!
Harshness- I think it’s safe to say we all have experienced it. It is demoralizing. It knocks us down. Many times it’s like a gut punch that totally knocks the wind right out of you, and you are left standing there gasping for life sustaining air.
Harshness has two definitions according to Oxford Languages online. It is defined as
the quality of being unpleasantly rough or jarring to the senses.
the quality of being cruel or severe.
This COMPLETELY dovetails with the trait of being rude. In my experience those who have been practicing or living out the negative influence trait f rude also struggle with harshness and the two of them together are a powerhouse of Negative Influence.
Definition #1
“Unpleasantly rough”. “”jarring to the senses”. Let’s take a trip to the grocery store. Now I have been one of those moms in the grocery store whose kid is wailing. Not because of anything in particular. See with his autism specifically when he was about 3 to about age 6 or 7 he was affected severely by Fluorescent lights. A kid with autism has so much more sensory stimulation than a non-autistic person.
So those florescent lights are VERY bright and they hum ( not to mention all the people, smells and colors). To you and I we can’t hear that lights hum. But to someone who has sensory processing issues it can drive them crazy. So if we were in the store for more than 10-20 minutes he would start to get agitated…and if we didn’t take that cue before too long we would have a screaming child seeking anyway to escape all that sensory input. (He has come a long ways since those days!)
What on earth does that have to do with Harshness?
Well as a parent I could have two responses. Either get him out of the store as fast as possible or I could be harsh and threaten him and yell and scream . (we’ve all seen that scenario right?). I could choose to understand what my child is going through OR I could grab a hold of his arm or body and be harsh. If I remember first and foremost that he is human- he’s not perfect, then remember that he cannot communicate his needs like most children his age and then remember that sensory overload is causing all of this I can choose to be calm and patient and just remove him from the situation.
I spent years sitting in the welcome area of our church because he couldn’t handle the music- not because the music was too loud but because he couldn’t handle the buzz from the old speakers (It took me YEARS to figure out that one- he leaned over one day and asked why does it make that AWFUL noise?” I was confused but then as hubby said something I heard an ever so slight crackle and I knew exactly what he was hearing all during the music)
There is a flip side to the grocery store scenario
It’s the people casting judgement on that mom with the screaming kid! We immediately pass judgement that she is a horrible parent and that her kid is a spoiled brat just screaming to get their way. They give condescending looks and evil glares and some people are even bold enough to let that mom have it with both barrels (as if she wasn’t struggling with the embarrassment already). But it doesn’t end there! Then they go home and make a public service announcement on facebook about how parents need to make their kids behave in grocery stores. Their harshness not only made the mom in the grocery store feel guilty, their harshness on social media just made every mom who has ever had THAT experience in the grocery store feel that much worse!
A Personal Story of Drastic Harshness
Back when hubby was going through the canidating process the first time (13 years ago) our oldest son was about 3 years old. Between canidating hubby would fill the pulpit- preaching for churches who didn’t have pastors. We were scheduled to speak at a church a few hours from home and it was winter. Well we were invited to stay with a family from the church overnight so Sunday wouldn’t be as stressful (HA).
So we set out. It was a long drive and it was taking even longer than expected because a snow storm had popped up (Common for lake effect snow here in New York). And They lived in the middle of NOWHERE. We had been in the car for hours and hours and the stress level of driving through the woods hoping and praying you were still on the road you can no longer see was terrible and we had three kids three and under in the back of the car.
We arrived at the home and was immediately expected to sit down to dinner. The couple was older- never having children of their own and from a different culture (There were from Sweden).
A Not so Great Start
Well despite the fact they knew the reasons why we were late they let us know just how inconvenient it was for them. So sitting down to dinner things were feeling tense already. Anybody guess what Happened next? Our three year old son was NOT ready to sit. He had just been sitting in the car for 3 or 4 hours, most of which in the dark because the lights go out here in NY at 4 pm in the winter). He was hungry, but the energy bursting throughout his little body needed to escape He had a SERIOUS case of the wiggles
And it get’s worse
And before Hubby and I knew what was happening this giant of a man stood up leaned across the table red-faced in anger (spit flying) began screaming at our son. He began to wail in fear. I pulled him in close and the man than proceeded to chide me about coddling him and that he needed to learn proper behavior. I was so livid But I held my tongue. I listened as he proudly went on to tell us that he did this to children in the grocery store as well and that is was this great help to the parents (it was his perceived help- I can assure you it didn’t help)
At that very moment hubby and I knew we would NEVER come back to that church again. He was a leader within the church and we couldn’t imagine what his harshness and temper looked like within the church but we knew it wasn’t good. (we weren’t wrong).
A hypocritical Insight
Later that evening after getting the kids settled in bed I rejoined the husband and wife downstairs along with hubby. They had a lovely dog who was very sweet and very well mannered. I didn’t feel much like talking but I commented on how calm the lab was. The man without missing a beat shared with me that he learned that you should NEVER break a dog’s spirit by being too harsh with it (REALLY??? DID HE REALLY JUST SAY THAT? So it’s ok to break the spirit of children…children you have never met before or any child for that matter?)
I was dumbfounded.
Years later that man is long gone I only veer met him once- but his negative influence of harshness is still impacting me All from one 30 second tirade on my 3 year old son.
Definition #2
“The quality of being cruel or sever”
The man above was definitely cruel and severe. He was an extreme. But there are lots of extremes we tend to struggle with. Harshness is abusive. Severe, cruel words= verbal abuse. Cruel and severe actions =physical abuse. And I could go on Sexual abuse, emotional abuse and spiritual abuse are all rooted in harshness.
The opposite of Harshness if you remember is Gentleness. It’s simple to see how abuse would be a negative influence on people’s lives and yet we still choose our own rights over other people’s well beings.
Remeberber way back to Kindness and I shared the song I learned as a kid from Ephesians 4:32? Well did you know that just prior to that well loved verse Paul gives its a command about how to be kind?
Ephesians 4:30-31 NLT
30 And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own,[e] guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.
Did you catch that? “Get rid of ALL”. Not just some….not just certain parts ALL..every last piece. and if we don’t we will bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit. YIKES.
Being Kind starts with getting rid of all that is unkind.
So to the man from back at the beginning of this series who thought it was his job to tell people how stupid they are/were. NO it is not your job as a believer to do that! We HAVE to stop holding onto our “RIGHTS”. the Bible Never says you have the right to be bitter and angry, too have rage or to have harsh words for other people and to slander people. It tells us just the oppose cast them off get rid of them….don’t hold onto those things because first of all it grieves God and secondly it hurts people.
1 Corinthians says LOVE people and tells you how.
Galatians tells us the fruit of the spirit in a believers life (Hint NONE of them are harsh words- bitterness- anger- and the like).
In the Heat of the Moment
As I began to study out this passage a verse immediately came to mind. And it’s true. When we do get into situations (and we will) it’s easy to let harsh words fly back and forth. But we need to remember that harsh words aren’t our right instead remember the wisdom of Proverbs 15:1 NLT
A gentle answer deflects anger, but a harsh word makes tempers flare.
This isn’t a promise- this is just wisdom. Sometimes we will say a gentle word and the anger will still flare because the other person has just chosen to be angry.
But I can honestly tell you that if the man had chosen a gentle word for our 3 year old son my temper would have never flared. And I would have never had to really work at controlling that temper like I did in that moment.
Now it’s Your turn
Do you live life being harsh to others? Have you experienced harshness and in turn been harsh to other people? Ask God to show you the harshness you have dished out and ask God to reveal to you any harsh treatment that you have experienced that you are harboring in your heart that is turning you into a bitter person? And then we need to do the hard heart work to repent and turn away from that. We need to let God transform that harshness into gentleness so we can impact this world for his glory. We VANNOT do this in our own power.
Thank you for doing me today and I pray you have a great rest of it!
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Amens—Pastors love them. It shows a pastor or speaker that people are following along and in agreement. It is a sign of engagement with what the speaker is saying. When we say Amen we are showing that we agree with what is being said.
A Lesson from my childhood
When I was a kid I began to se that there were people who would say Amen a lot to what the pastor was saying but then they wouldn’t live out what they had just said Amen about. Many times they never made it to the parking lot before they forgot what they had just said Amen to. I studied people as they gossiped about each other, were harsh and mean to children, complained about the pastor, or complained about everything under the sun andI Was puzzled……Then I went off to Bible College.
Lessons rom Bible College
Bible College is a weird place. There are a bunch of young adults most of whom are on their own for the first time without the watchful eye of their mostly strict parents. There is a small group of kids who have a healthy dose of confidence some of them God but most of them in themselves. They didn’t really know who they were or what they were called to do. There was also this group that really didn’t have confidence in anything . And for some kids their parents had made them attend for at least a year. They didn’t really want to be there, they were just doing their time. We all had new found freedoms and some of us didn’t know what to do with them. Some kids had rocky starts, others just blew their time in college and other soared.
I know it doesn’t sound very different from regular college except one very distinct difference. We were all Christians (or at least we claimed to be when we signed our statement of faith). As college students we struggled to understand the concept of sincerity because we haven’t had the chance to really tease that concept out yet! Everyone was trying to figure out where they fit in. And even though we all claimed to be Christ emulators, there were choices made that left me asking some hard questions. Of myself and others around me.
I had far more friends in college that I did in all of my years combined in school. On a campus of 250 you get to know each other pretty well. The good the bad and the ugly!
Ministry was no different
And even in full time ministry I have run into the same struggles…..and sadly it has hurt many people’s testimony. Remember yesterday we talked about the negative Influence trait if unfaithfulness. Again I found myself sitting in church hearing Amens. But not just Amens anymore…I would hear more and more about how mature people thought themselves, how much they were reading, how much time they spent in Bible study and prayer.
It was their badge of honor. The problem however was that their walk didn’t match their talk. They weren’t letting all that they were doing sink in and change their lives. In every church I have ever been in I could see this and sometimes it was staring back at me in the mirror.
As I said yesterday. This is something we all have and will struggle with. We need to be able to recognize it repent of it and change it.
Well yesterday we talked about……
how unfaithfulness rooted in disloyalty, treachery and insincerity.
And as I stand back and look over my life time I can hear the empty Amens in each of those moments. When we say “Amen” to something and then don’t apply it to our lives we are showing those around us three of those defining attributes. .
When we don’t follow through we are being disloyal to God and the man who God sent to preach his word.
We are betraying God and living a deception to those within our group (Church, life, our homes,, our vehicles..when we give the appearance of agreeing but in our hearts and minds show differently.
And perhaps the biggest, we are being completely insincere. When we say Amen we are saying “I agree”. But when we don’t follow through we are showing that we aren’t sincere- we really don’t mean it!
We don’t take our own words seriously. It’s damaging to say one thing and do another. We use words so flippantly Amen has lost its meaning for some. (For some it has taken on the meaning of
Yes that is exactly how I want to be treated, but don’t expect me to give the same kind of grace to someone who has hurt me.
“YES I completely agree that sin is wrong. BUT I am not going to hold my loved ones accountable for this sin because it works for them.
This means…….
We need to be careful about our Amens…..In the two examples above the yes is the agreement (The Amen) and the BUT is what the real heart response says-it’s an excuse why we don’t agree! That one little word can influence a child of 10 or 11 years old- one you never really know was watching It can negativity influence her (Or him) and it can keep them from following God’s plan for their lives…..it can make a child day “I don’t want to ever be a pastor’s wife” (even God has called her.)
Yes I was that girl and yes when peoples walk didn’t match their talk almost kept me from following God because they would say Amen” to how people should treat each there, love each other and be kind to each other And then rip down berate and mistreat the pastor and his family, whom I was very close with. The pastor’s family never talked about it to me I just stood on. the sidelines taking it all in. Thankfully God is gracious and he opened my eyes and gave me some amazingly sincere friends- friends who didn’t seek to deceive and who were very loyal to serving God with all of their Hearts, souls, minds and strength, And loved others as themselves in a very radical way!
So now it’s your turn
We need to ask ourselves “does our walk match our talk…even our Amens?” Now I am not saying the damaging part is our Amens- it’s the not following what God’s word says and it’s not following through with what we say Amen to. The Amens just confirm the insincerity and deceptiveness of our hearts, because it is glaringly obvious when our walk doesn’t match our talk!
Thank you for joining me today for this simple little example of what unfaithfulness can do to our positive influence
