“Practice makes perfect.” I’m pretty sure we have all been told this at one time or the other.
It’s a lie.
No matter how hard we practice, we can’t ever be perfect at it….because in short, we are human! Humans make mistakes!
Last week I was working with a bunch of 3rd and 4th graders..learning to read music. Yep let’s all have a good chuckle that Mary is helping in a music class and a recorder class at that. The last time I read Music? Let’s just say I was almost 20 years younger than I currently am..and yes I was an adult! We won’t even TALK about the last time I played recorder, and I digress.
I was playing “note Bingo” with about 5 students and one of them was getting frustrated with the fact that they couldn’t remeber the note names on the staff. ILooking at the poor kiddo and I said “practice makes…..?” In their dejected look mumbled “perfect”. I jumped in and said, “No, Practice makes progress.” They promptly looked at me as if I had two heads. I explained we are humans. We can’t ever be perfect only Jesus was perfect. These kiddos looked so confused.
No one’s to blame. However, as an adult who struggles every day with the battle of perfectionism, I have had to learn a new way of thinking.
Progress over Perfection.
I want to live a life of Excellence, doing my absolute best to serve Jesus with all that I am and with all that I have BUT I know that at the end of the day all I am and all that I have is far from perfect.
What I want is t to move forward, make progress. and grow.
I don’t know if what I shared with that frustrated student that day made any difference, but I hope it did.
Perfectionism is hard to overcome, but ti can be done. Choose excellence in your life, not perfectionism, because no matter how hard you strive for perfection, it will be just out of reach…always.
What can be done to cange your mindset of perfectionism to a mindset of progress?
Oe of the ways I have chosen to do this is to place reminders around my home Progress Over Perfection signs simply reminds me my end goal is to move forward…to grow wherever I am planted!
Patient Endurance, it’s been on my mind for the last 2 months. As I look back on the last 8 1/2 months it is what I think I needed the most specifically the last 4 months. As I have neared the end of reading the New Testament it’s the phrase that seemed to jump off the page the most.
Those passages talk about trials, persecution, and struggles. As much as I don’t necessarily experience persecution as the early church did, I do think that time is coming.
We have been living an adventure. Honestly, it’s not always been an easy one! Living in a camper for 7 months and a few weeks is the longest we have ever “camped”. Homeschooling 4 kids while doing that presented a whole other side to the adventure and over time this introverted mama got bogged down! It’s not that I was angry or upset or sad about my circumstances because we LOVE where we are
What does getting bogged down look like?
Well for me it looks like a whole lot f impatience….with myself. I’m not….and I can fill that blank with all sorts of things like-
strong enough
smart enough
influential enough
I’m failing at…
balanced enough
in God’s word enough
I’m too distracted.
The list can go on and on and on.
When I come to the place where I am impatient with myself I find that I stop enduring. I quit. I GIVE UP.
When I give up… I become more impatient with myself. It’s quite a nasty cycle. A nasty cycle that I spent the last 4 months battling. Distraction became my everyday fight. I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t write, and I had lost purpose in my everyday. I just kinda felt lost because there were some things that were a normal part of my everyday life that I had intentionally let go of for a season. Sometimes we have to do that and for a number of months That is exactly what needed to happen BUT if it’s a part of who I am, part f the gifts God has given me Then I need to fight for them. HOWEVER, I DIDN’T.
I just didn’t understand!
It’s ok to let go of something for a time BUT when it’s time we need to bring it back to the best of our ability. I had convinced myself that I didn’t have time for writing and art. It’s my happy place. It’s how I process my life. I was ok letting go of those things because space was limited. Time was limited.
I would sit and stare at a blank computer screen and no words would come. I would sit and look at my journal for my Bible study and I couldn’t focus on what needed to be read. Matter of fact I couldn’t read much of anything.
So what Changed?
One day I sat out at our picnic table FIGHTING my way through prayer and I asked God “how can I get back to my normal self?” I sat there staring out at the fog rolling in across the hills and a memory came to mind. It was of a 21-year-old me sitting in a booth at our college’s student center before it became ” the Cafe” I was sitting in a booth and no one was there. I had a notebook in front of me and a LARGE stack of schoolwork off to the side of the notebook. I was bent over the notebook furiously scribbling words as they poured into my mind. All of a sudden I sat up, closed the notebook and reached for the first book on my stack of schoolwork.
I was transported to those moments that had become a habit. The habit? Creative writing. I am able to quiet my mind through the written word, specifically through pen and paper. That’s how I was able to focus my brain in order to focus on school work.
At that moment I knew what I had to do! I started writing for the purpose of quieting my mind. It worked.
When that happened I began to see the words patient endurance starting to pop off the pages of the bible journals I was using. I was astonished. I was able to focus and get stuff accomplished. What was I writing? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING OF GREAT SIGNIFICANCE! No joke, one day I wrote about Poop because that’s what a smarty pants friend wrote on my Facebook post asking for one-word journal prompts.
A Few other things I changed
I simplified my devotions for a time (not that what I was doing was overcomplicated). I picked up my sketchbook and I began the process of starting a women’s ministry. It didn’t all come back immediately. I needed to be patient with the process. I’m still working through the process of being patient with the process because goodness knows it’s not a perfect process. I’m also working on building my endurance. When I get impatient with myself or the process (or God-because yeah that happens too) not giving up but fighting through even if it means doing a simplified devotion for that day compared to what I’m used to. I don’t want to get worn down by starting out in a sprint but I want to run a steady race, enduring patiently whatever lies ahead of me on my walk with Jesus.
Here are the verses I picked to go along with my word (phrase) of Patient Endurance for the year.
2 Thessalonians 3:5New Living Translation
5 May the Lord lead your hearts into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ.
Hebrews 6:12New Living Translation
12 Then you will not become spiritually dull and indifferent. Instead, you will follow the example of those who are going to inherit God’s promises because of their faith and endurance.
I can’t have patient endurance without Jesus, I just can’t. I also know that I do NOT want to become spiritually dull and indifferent. We all know that there’s a whole lot of indifference going around. I want to be different. So will you join me this year as I embrace Patient Endurance?
Have you chosen a word for the year? Of so what is it? Share it in the comments below!
Happy Wednesday Friends! Over the last few months, I have been doing a lot of heart work, as if you couldn’t tell!!! One of the things that I have had to do was a bunch of reality checks. And A lot of those had to do with unrealistic expectations either I had or ones that others had for me. More often than not though it was one that I had embraced over time, you know the ones. The ones you fight at first but you become so worn down over time then all of a sudden you are like whoa what happened?
That’s where I was when I realized that I had taken on a whole bunch of responsibilities that were just plain and simple NOT mine.
So here are the 5 responsibilities that aren’t mine to have
I’m not responsible for people’s life decisions!- I can lead them to the truth. I can teach them but at the end of the day if they don’t follow what I have taught it’s not my responsibility and I’m not going to be held accountable for their decisions. (even if they seem to think I am.)
I’m not responsible for others’ relationships with God- This includes my children, my hubby, the people in my church, and my friends. The old adage of ” you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink” comes to mind. Interestingly enough we have to go no further than Jesus t see this is true. Not only did Jesus teach truth, but he also lived and breathed it. Jesus is TRUTH. But not everyone he taught embraced that truth. JUDAS. Was it Jesus’ responsibility to make sure that Judas obeyed the TRUTH? Nope. That is, drumroll, please…JUDAS’S RESPONSIBILITY!! No Joke! We live in a world where we don’t like to take personal responsibility for our actions. We can come up with a million different ways to make it someone else’s fault. Our circumstances may be rooted in other people’s choices BUT what we do with them- THAT’S our responsibility. How we choose to respond, both in action or with words- our choices related to our circumstancences= our responsibility.
I’m not responsible for someone else’s bad attitude. That piggybacks off #2. Their attitude is their choice. I cannot make someone have a good attitude. I can lead them or encourage them to change it but at the end of the day, THEY have a choice to make not me.
I’m not responsible for when someone gets angry and loses their self-control. I’m not responsible for other people’s sins. Someone’s actions do not warrant a lack of self-control. whether to myself or to someone else. Once upon a time, I was told if I did something, someone would harm themself. That is mental/emotional abuse. It is a manipulation tactic that worked. I lived in fear of that person and what they might do. I was in an ongoing game of mental chess. I lived in a constant cycle of “if I do this then they might do this”. As our pastor says “That’s a game you will never win. If they chose to do something that’s their choice and I am not responsible for it.
I am not responsible to fix other people’s sins. Following Jesus is costly, and if someone wants to do so they much chose that hard path. BUT I can’t do it for them. I can give suggestions but I can’t do it for them.
BONUS
I’m not responsible for carrying on relationships. For decades I have felt the need to carry on relationships. I have friends that I have always been the first ones to always text or call. I also have had relationships in my life that will call to ask how I’m doing ad then cut me off just to talk for an hour about their lives and if I get a chance to talk it’s “oh I gotta let you go.” Talk about a complex inducing what is wrong with me scenario. For a long time, I felt really guilty that I wasn’t a good enough friend because they didn’t check in on me or they would get offended when I didn’t check in. the reality is it is NOT my responsibility to carry the weight of relationships. I need to let go of that guilt that comes from passive-aggressive comments whether in person or on social media.
What happened as I have let go
As I have grown and learned and been counseled over the last few months I have come to realize I am not alone in these struggles. That brought so much freedom. There was a release and a huge sense of peace I didn’t expect to experience. I felt as though I was being crushed by invisible weights. Every responsibility I was trying to carry made me feel like a failure. Of course, I was going to feel like a failure because I was trying to do something that wasn’t for me to do. It was more than a feeling I WAS failing. I was failing at being Suzy because I’m not Suzy. I can never be Suzy. Only Suzy can be Suzy. I can only be Mary. When I stopped trying to be Suzy for Suzy I was set free from failing to be Suzy! (Funny how that works)
I am still growing in my understanding of what I am not responsible for. It’s a journey. I hope that my journey ad what I have learned helps give you freedom from unrealistic expectations, whether it is self-placed or placed on you by someone in your life.
Now it’s your turn: What are you NOT Responsible for?
What are some things you are holding onto that aren’t your responsibilities? Have you let go of them? How did you do it if you did or what should your next steps be?
Happy Wednesday friends. today’s post was born out of an interaction I had a few weekends ago. At one point in the interaction, the woman told me “You can’t handle the truth about who you are.”
OUCH! I was devastated. The problem is this woman didn’t know me. She made some assumptions based on who I was married to or better yet what he did as a job. AND that I confronted some poor behavior. She had met me for a whopping 30 minutes. Along with some texting interactions.
There is no way she could really know who I was in that short interaction.
The Problem and the reality is MANY people make assumptions about pastors and Pastor’s Wives. More importantly, though we as pastors’ wives need to stop drinking in the pressure and the lies peole put on us.
Truth is:
I’m not a religious leader. I’m a woman married to a pastor. I love Jesus and yes I am a leader. That is part of who God made me. AND over the last number of months when my husband wasn’t a pastor I was still a leader.
I am an imperfect leader. I make mistakes and wrong choices and sometimes (GASP) I sin. But I’m not defined by it. There is the underlying idea that pastors and wives are these superhuman beings who never sin. They are supposed to be these super-spiritual people who are at least supposed to look and behave immaculately in public. WRONG. If that is what we are looking for we will always be disappointed. this is aimed just as much at me as it is to those who think that way of me….because perfectionism is just as much of a struggle for me for myself. I am a recovering people pleaser.
Counseling wasn’t meant to be used as a weapon toward other people. It’s meant to help the person grow not as ammunition.
I want to stand for what is right and make Jesus forefront. I don’t want anything to be all about me.
I can’t give what I don’t have. This is twofold. (1) In the case of this woman, she insisted I was withholding information that I didn’t have. And because she laid the accusation I felt intense guilt. Guilt that wasn’t mine to have. (2). Pastor’s families cannot fill every void in the church or other people’s lives. We have just as many jours in the day as everyone else. Sometimes we have less energy. You can only pour out so much.
I don’t know what to do when I get a verbal tongue lashing. , so I clam up. I won’t argue I won’t fight. That is not helpful. I am rendered senseless from past experiences. It doesn’t mean I’m giving the silent treatment It doesn’t mean that I’m being elusive. It means I need to process what has been said
Jesus is able to heal my heart- no matter what has happened and it turns it into something beautiful for his glory!
Not everyone will like me- BUT God ALWAYS will. He loves me just as I am.
So how did I get to these points?
It really comes down to some spiritual growth over the last year. So I woke up the next morning after crying myself to sleep the night before and I began praying. More tears were shed. I took these accusations to the one who knows my heart better than I. And out of that prayer time came these truths. I had to ask myself some hard questions. I had to really embrace what was true rather than the lies that Satan was using to create doubt, shame, and guilt that weren’t mine. THEN I had to do the hardest thing for me to do….I had to let it go ( I know cue the Frozen Song). And for the first time, I did just that, right then and there. I experienced freedom.
NOTHING she said had any foundation whatsoever!
Moving Forward
So what about the future? This isn’t going to be the last time. People are people. Just like me, they are human. They have bad days, they make mistakes and wrong choices. We are all selfish beings. I need to keep the truth in the forefront. As much as people can make assumptions and judge our intentions those things are between God and me. And so to seek his input more than anyone else is the most important thing.
(Personal note: These are responses are to the specific accusations she made)
Thanks so much for joining me on this journey as this was my last phase of processing this situation.
I hope that these things help you if you ever experience this type of situation.
If you are new here introduce yourself in the comments below and also let me know how you have handled these types of situations in your past. What helped you grow past these hard experiences?
Hello Friends and Happy June! Lonf time no see! Its been a whirlwind of a couple of months. We have moved (Kinda). We had to put our furry friend Rosie down. I have severly injured my ankle and a host of other craziness. Over the next few month we will also be blogging our journey of transforming a barn into a house!
So far it’s been quite the adventure! A very good adventure. We are enjoyig the whole process. . It is challenging at times but for the most part we are having fun!
So let’s Jump into the firt June Happy Homemaker Monday
♥♥ The Weather ♥♥
Monday – 80 and sunny Tuesday – 72 and rain Wednesday – 74 and rain Thursday – 71 and mostly sunny Friday -73 and mostly sunny Saturday – 71 and ra Sunday -in 72 and rain
♥♥ As I look outside my window ♥♥
beautiful warm sunny day with kiddos playing hockey in the church parking lot
♥♥ Right now I am ♥♥
sitting in my hubby’s office typing away. It’s been an absolutely nutty past week (more on that on Thursday)
♥♥ Thinking and pondering ♥♥
The purpose of this last week. It has been stretching and exhausting in so many ways. Most of the time in a negative way.
♥♥ How am I feeling ♥♥
Good but exhausted
♥♥ On the breakfast plate ♥♥
egg whites.
♥♥ On my reading pile ♥♥
I have some counseling books to finish
Hello Fears
the book of Romans
♥♥ On my TV this week ♥♥
Nothing
♥♥ On the menu ♥♥
Monday – Beef Stroganoff Tuesday- Sloppy Joes and baked Poatoes Wednesday Soup Thursday – Taco Salad Friday -Mashed Poato Sudaes Saturday -Grilled Chicken and Rice Sunday – Pasta and Salad
♥♥ Looking around the house ♥♥
Ahem…Camper…A few dishes to be done. I still need to work on my closet and the kitchen table
♥♥ To-Do List ♥♥–
Packing, though we are running low on boxes
♥♥ From the camera ♥♥
The New View
♥♥ Devotional ♥♥
Thanks so much for joining me today! For more Happy Homemaker Monday Posts Check Out Diary of a Stay at Home Mom
