Category: Choosing Courage

Empty Amens- An Unfaithful Influence

Posted on by Mary
Amens

Amens—Pastors love them. It shows a pastor or speaker that people are following along and in agreement. It is a sign of engagement with what the speaker is saying. When we say Amen we are showing that we agree with what is being said.

A Lesson from my childhood

When I was a kid I began to se that there were people who would say Amen a lot to what the pastor was saying but then they wouldn’t live out what they had just said Amen about. Many times they never made it to the parking lot before they forgot what they had just said Amen to. I studied people as they gossiped about each other, were harsh and mean to children, complained about the pastor, or complained about everything under the sun andI Was puzzled……Then I went off to Bible College.

Lessons rom Bible College

Bible College is a weird place. There are a bunch of young adults most of whom are on their own for the first time without the watchful eye of their mostly strict parents. There is a small group of kids who have a healthy dose of confidence some of them God but most of them in themselves. They didn’t really know who they were or what they were called to do. There was also this group that really didn’t have confidence in anything . And for some kids their parents had made them attend for at least a year. They didn’t really want to be there, they were just doing their time. We all had new found freedoms and some of us didn’t know what to do with them. Some kids had rocky starts, others just blew their time in college and other soared.

I know it doesn’t sound very different from regular college except one very distinct difference. We were all Christians (or at least we claimed to be when we signed our statement of faith). As college students we struggled to understand the concept of sincerity because we haven’t had the chance to really tease that concept out yet! Everyone was trying to figure out where they fit in. And even though we all claimed to be Christ emulators, there were choices made that left me asking some hard questions. Of myself and others around me.

I had far more friends in college that I did in all of my years combined in school. On a campus of 250 you get to know each other pretty well. The good the bad and the ugly!

Ministry was no different

And even in full time ministry I have run into the same struggles…..and sadly it has hurt many people’s testimony. Remember yesterday we talked about the negative Influence trait if unfaithfulness. Again I found myself sitting in church hearing Amens. But not just Amens anymore…I would hear more and more about how mature people thought themselves, how much they were reading, how much time they spent in Bible study and prayer.

It was their badge of honor. The problem however was that their walk didn’t match their talk. They weren’t letting all that they were doing sink in and change their lives. In every church I have ever been in I could see this and sometimes it was staring back at me in the mirror.

As I said yesterday. This is something we all have and will struggle with. We need to be able to recognize it repent of it and change it.

Well yesterday we talked about……

how unfaithfulness rooted in disloyalty, treachery and insincerity.

And as I stand back and look over my life time I can hear the empty Amens in each of those moments. When we say “Amen” to something and then don’t apply it to our lives we are showing those around us three of those defining attributes. .

When we don’t follow through we are being disloyal to God and the man who God sent to preach his word.

We are betraying God and living a deception to those within our group (Church, life, our homes,, our vehicles..when we give the appearance of agreeing but in our hearts and minds show differently.

And perhaps the biggest, we are being completely insincere. When we say Amen we are saying “I agree”. But when we don’t follow through we are showing that we aren’t sincere- we really don’t mean it!

We don’t take our own words seriously. It’s damaging to say one thing and do another. We use words so flippantly Amen has lost its meaning for some. (For some it has taken on the meaning of

Yes that is exactly how I want to be treated, but don’t expect me to give the same kind of grace to someone who has hurt me.

“YES I completely agree that sin is wrong. BUT I am not going to hold my loved ones accountable for this sin because it works for them.

This means…….

We need to be careful about our Amens…..In the two examples above the yes is the agreement (The Amen) and the BUT is what the real heart response says-it’s an excuse why we don’t agree! That one little word can influence a child of 10 or 11 years old- one you never really know was watching It can negativity influence her (Or him) and it can keep them from following God’s plan for their lives…..it can make a child day “I don’t want to ever be a pastor’s wife” (even God has called her.)

Yes I was that girl and yes when peoples walk didn’t match their talk almost kept me from following God because they would say Amen” to how people should treat each there, love each other and be kind to each other And then rip down berate and mistreat the pastor and his family, whom I was very close with. The pastor’s family never talked about it to me I just stood on. the sidelines taking it all in. Thankfully God is gracious and he opened my eyes and gave me some amazingly sincere friends- friends who didn’t seek to deceive and who were very loyal to serving God with all of their Hearts, souls, minds and strength, And loved others as themselves in a very radical way!

So now it’s your turn

We need to ask ourselves “does our walk match our talk…even our Amens?” Now I am not saying the damaging part is our Amens- it’s the not following what God’s word says and it’s not following through with what we say Amen to. The Amens just confirm the insincerity and deceptiveness of our hearts, because it is glaringly obvious when our walk doesn’t match our talk!

Thank you for joining me today for this simple little example of what unfaithfulness can do to our positive influence

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Unfaithful- Negative Influence Trait #7

Posted on by Mary
Unfaithful

Good morning friends! Today’s Negative Influence Trait is Unfaithful. I know as soon as I hear that word an idea jumps into my mind almost immediately and that is infidelity. The act of being unfaithful to our spouse. And trust me that is part of it but the concept of unfaithfulness is far bigger than that. This is an all encompassing unfaithfulness

And just like yesterday that being unfaithful is 2 fold.

This is talking about being unfaithful to God and to people.

But what does that mean exactly?

Looking at the definition of unfaithful online, we can see that there is that immediate first description of unfaithfulness as being a person who cheats on their spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend. (We already discussed this above.)

The second definition gets to the heart of why the first definition happened.

Unfaithful is defined as disloyal, treacherous, or insincere.

Disloyal is defined as failing to be loyal to a person, country, or body to which one has obligations.

Treacherous is defined as guilty of or involving betrayal or deception.

Insincere is defined as not expressing genuine feelings.

I have so many thoughts running through my head at this point but I want to remind myself of what the the opposite means. When we look at both sides of the coin it gives us a better understanding of what is important.

According to Oxford Languages online the word faithful is defined as remaining loyal and steadfast.

Loyal means giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person or institution.

Steadfast is defined as resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering.

In light of these definitions…

We need to talk about disloyalty…

which means that we aren’t giving or showing CONSTANT support or allegiance to a person or institution. I think I could write a book on the one topic alone.

When we take the name of Christ (Christian) we are taking on ALL of the ways the Bible teaches us to live like him. We are claiming we are little Jesus’ We are saying we choose to live our lives like him. BUT too many times I hear Christians claiming to be something they really aren’t. They say I love Jesus and then their lives are full of reasons why they don’t live like him.

They choose unloving words and , they seek their own ways over his ways (if Jesus did that he would have never died on the cross for our sins! -Remember he prayed to his Father at the Garden of Gethsemane “Not my will but yours and let this cup pass from me ). And yet he made that VERY hard choice and set his human will aside and choose to do the hardest thing- Lay down his life for us. In light of that I think we are completely capable of choosing kindness. ) They choose negativity over joy, and anxious heart over peace. They choose rudeness over kindness and evil over goodness. Choices are made to be unfaithful , harshness, impatience and undisciplined behavior.

Treacherous???

And then there’s the act of being treacherous- not When I went into this I didn’t really have a good understanding of what this word meant but as I researched it . My eyes were opened to a new level of unfaithfulness.

“Guilty of or involving betrayal or deception.” AKA backstabbing and misleading or lying……to anyone. Do I really need to say anymore? That’s the epitome of unfaithfulness. And yet we do it to God (or at least we think we are ) and to each other. This is the backbone of disunity. It’s where it starts and it is where it carries it out. Just a quick note “being an ear to everyone” or “being Switzerland” is being deceptive. It is letting all the sides believe you are supporting them. If you don’t take a stand for what is right specifically if what is going on is following these paths and leading to disunity you are just as guilty as the ones leading the charge.

Insincere

Then we have insincere- which is not expressing genuine feelings. Now you might choose to gossip about your genuine feelings….but when a person hides their cares and concerns and hurts from God or those who we are close to than we are being insincere. If you are angry at God tell him- he already knows. But when we harbor that bitterness and anger in our hearts we are choosing to drive a wedge between God and ourselves….and our friends and family as well.

Being unfaithful destroys our walk with God, destroys our relationships with other people AND it destroys our positive Influence

Biblical examples of unfaithfulness

Saul

1 Chronicles 10:13 NLT

13 So Saul died because he was unfaithful to the Lord. He failed to obey the Lord’s command, and he even consulted a medium

First up we have good old Saul! We saw at the beginning of our list of Negative Influence Traits that this man was choosing his own path rather than trusting God. He was choosing fear of Goliath over having faith in the God of Israel. Well this attitude keeps brewing in his heart….he chooses hatred for David after David is anointed future king of Isreal. He chooses to have a negative attitude and an anxious heart, fretting over David hunting him down and attempting to kill him. He grows impatient and rude to David throwing things at him while he plays his harp for him.Then Saul seeks out evil over good in many areas, choosing harshness and a lack of discipline.

In the end, in an act of unfaithfulness to God, he seeks out a medium or fortune-teller to tell him what is going to happen. He could have asked a prophet but Saul knew what the prophets would say, because they had been saying it all along and he did NOT like what they were telling him so he chose another way…..and that led to his death! At any point he could have made different life choices, but in the end she chose the path of destruction….Our Continued unfaithfulness will lead to our demise.

Then we have Isreal on a whole

Here is just one verse out of many that I looked at

But you have been unfaithful to me, you people of Israel!
    You have been like a faithless wife who leaves her husband.
    I, the Lord, have spoken.” Jeremiah 3:20 NLT

As I studied out the word unfaithful the Old Testament is chock full of verses that talk about how Isreal chose their own ways- did what was right in their own eyes (the WHOLE book of Judges)- how they chose to not just worship the God of Isreal but also the gods of the nations around them. They mixed religions and that was against everything God had taught them.

A New Testament Example

We have the lesson of Ananias and Sapphire in the New Testament who chose treachery seeking to deceive God (and the disciples) by saying “here’s all the money” when they secretly kept back a portion for themselves. They lied to God and God’s servants. That’s a big no no. And yet we look at all these things and we say to ourselves “well I am not that bad. es I may tell a white lie now and then but …… ” and let the excuses begin of why we sin. Yep that’s what we do- we make excuses for why it is ok for us to be unfaithful to God and to the people we are called to be unified too.

So where do we go for a perfect example of faithfulness?

I know that was a pretty big set up! Sorry. God and Jesus.

We are told in the Bible That “God will Never leave us or forsake us! ” There have been some moments in my life that I have struggled deeply with the “why” when some absolutely horrible stuff has happened and there are times where it has felt like God just turned his back and walked away. Jesus felt like that too But his was more than a feeling God did turn his back on Jesus because despite his sinlessness on this earth he took on ALL of the worlds sin while on the cross…..Thankfully it didn’t end there- All I have to say is SUNDAY MORNING. Jesus didn’t stay dead.

But just in case the biggest example of never leaving us or forsaking us wasn’t enough

If we are unfaithful,
    he remains faithful,
    for he cannot deny who he is. 2 Timothy 2:13 NLT

Even when we are unfaithful God remains faithful – He CAN’T NOT be faithful!. (This doesn’t mean that we won’t have consequences because of our unfaithfulness- this means that we have a loving father who will discipline us and that we should repent our unfaithfulness)

So how do we move forward from here?

So instead of the “Now it’s your turn” section I post everyday on these posts we are going to change things up a bit. Because let’s be honest, we all fall short and we all make mistakes and we all choose to be unfaithful at times.

We NEED to choose unwavering loyalty to God and his word. What does that look like?

Love God with all Your

  • heart
  • soul
  • mind
  • strength

In the Month of November we will be delving into a mini series called Unfivided that will show what it looks like to live this out

And then there People. But when we choose to be faithful to God and ALL of his word then we are also choosing to love others like we love ourselves.

When we choose to follow God’s blueprint for Godly love (I corinthians 13) that we will be faithful to other people the way he wants us to be- not what is easier and most convenient for ourselves

Thank you for joining me in todays look at unfaithfulness. I know I didn’t really delve into exactly how it’s a negative influence but that will be addressed in tomorrow’s post entitled “Empty Amens”. We will pause the negative traits briefly as we delve deeper into insincerity, disloyalty, and deceptiveness.

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Evil: Negative Influence #6

Posted on by Mary
Negative

Good Morning friends! Today we are going to tackle the Negative influence trait of evil. I know we have this idea that evil is only meant for satan and his minions or even more , that evil is only meant for fairy tales. You know- the evil stepsisters, the evil queen, Ursula, Gaston, Cruella DeVille……But when we take a closer look at these characters what do we see…They were only concerned about themselves. NEVER do you see a loving, kind, selfless person depicted as an evil person. Why? because they are polar opposites. You CANNOT have love and be evil at the same time!

How do I know this?

The Bible is very clear.

But he will pour out his anger and wrath on those who live for themselves, who refuse to obey the truth and instead live lives of wickedness. 9 There will be trouble and calamity for everyone who keeps on doing what is evil…..Romans 2:8-9 NLT

Sin=wickedness/ Evil. And sin is ANYTHING that goes against God’s word. So If God commands us to Love and gives us a description of what that looks like and we choose to disobey then we are choosing evil..

That’s a sobering thought!

It’s hard to swallow for sure because that means when we choose our own way- we are choosing evil.

But what we choose……

16 Don’t you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living.

That means we can choose love over hatred…..Joy over negativity…peace over anxiety…..kindness over rudeness……goodness over evil……faithfulness over unfaithfulness…. Gentleness over harshness……and self-control over a lack of self-control! WE ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE!!! ALWAYS! and what we choose determines what kind of influence we have. And that is POWERFUL!!!

It’s our choice but what we choose has two outcomes.

  • It determines our influence now.
  • It determines our consequences. in the future.

“We know that anyone born of God does not continue to sin; the One who was born of God keeps them safe, and the evil one cannot harm them” (1 John 5:18)

Obviously we aren’t perfect, right? We are going to make mistakes. These verses are talking about those who are continually and habitually making sinful choices. And as much as we want to say this is for “the really bad sins, It’s really about ANY and every habitual sin and sin is rooted in selfish ambition. Seeking our own good over others. AND THAT breaks the two greatest commandments

  • To Love God with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength ( you can’t do that if you are battling selfish ambition)
  • and love your neighbor as yourself. Again we are commanded to put others over ourselves.

If we don’t do those things we are choosing evil.

So the nagging question is this: How do we combat the natural tendency to be selfish?

The great news is the Bible has a very specific verse about this very subject and the great thing is it’s simple too!!

1 Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good. (Romans 12:21 NLT)

Yep that’s it- you conquer evil by doing good.

Making the wise choice to embrace goodness fights evil and we will over time train our hearts and minds. Is it easy? Absolutely not! It takes hard work and a lot of prayer AND a lot of Faith! (ahem I do believe that is what we are going to chat about tomorrow).

Now It’sYour Turn

It time for that hard heart work we have become accustomed to.

The first step is to do a deep heart evaluation- Why do you do what you do? This is to determine what motivates our hearts. Why do we do what we do? Ask yourself what does your speech reveal about your heart? Does your speech, actions AND thoughts genuinely reveal your love for God and others? (Hint if you are saying a lot of “men’s and I’s when you talk to others you are more than likely self focused). Do you think about who might be hurt or blessed when making choices.? As you open up your hearts to God he begins to reveal even deeper things about ourselves we never imagined.

A Little explanation

If you have been here through the series you know that I have used the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) as a series of Positive Influence Traits that serve as markers for true Christians- image-bearers of Jesus. And when we finished with the positive influence traits I flipped them so we could discuss Negative influence traits that believers sometimes fall into as a way to have a means to measure where our hearts are at.

I want you to know that I appreciate you coming each day to hang out as we chat about these topics. If you are new here you can check out this links to see the rest of the series.

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Rudeness: Negative Influence Trait #5

Posted on by Mary
Rudeness

Rudeness- It’s a plague to us as humans and even more within the church. And it boils right down to a cycle and it starts with yesterday’s Negative Influence, Impatience, and in the end it is all a result of an unloving spirit.

Rudeness is defined as being offensively impolite, or ill-mannered and as having a startling abruptness.

Have you ever met anyone who fits this definition.? I have and it can be downright embarrassing. I have watched people be harmed and I have been harmed by rude people.

1 Corinthians 133 says

(Love)…is not rude, it does not insist on it’s own way…..

In every occurrence that I have witnessed someone being rude it has been because “their way” has been inconvenienced or negatively impacted. It starts with their impatience with someone who is creating an inconvenience of some sort…..and from there skip ahead a few traits and we land at harshness.

Now as a parent I know that I can fall into the trap of impatience and if I don’t weed that out quickly I can become rude and harsh. AND as a parent I can confirm that THIS is a huge problem amongst siblings.

It is something as parents we have to teach and train our children to be – to become patient with each other and to look out for each other’s interests. You know what, I am almost certain that most Christians would tell you that they had someone in their lives as young children who taught them to be kind. I know that these people can quote all the verses in the Bible about how you should love others and how you should treat other people.

But there is a disconnect-

That disconnect is that they are embracing what the world keeps telling us. To watch out for numero uno. We are told all the time- that we need to protect our time, our energy and our money….and on and on and on, all while we quote bible passages that state the exact opposite.

So where is the disconnect? The disconnect is that we have taken the worlds advice to heart because it’s easier, It’s easy to protect ourselves. It’s hard to be self -sacrificing l, love- centered person. We “know” what is right to say in church and in our “Christian ” circles but when the rubber meets the road what is hidden in our hearts will come bubbling out.

Sadly I have seen the true hearts come bubbling out onto some poor unsuspecting soul. NowI know that a bad day and stress can have a negative influence on a moment. However, when the same person/people hurt others repeatedly it becomes glaringly obvious that there is a heart issue.

The Problem is….

When we embrace the way the world tells us how to live and how to protect ourselves and we ignore what we know to be true- how God instructs us to love and care for others, we have committed sin. We can see this in James 4:17 NLT

17 Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.

Nad despite all of this we have hurt people. and 9 times out of 10 either we don’t realize it or we just plain don’t care!

Rudeness is a negative influence in multiple ways.

  • It hurts( usually) a completely innocent person who is blindsided by the rudeness
  • Usually a person who is rude chooses to be rude in front of a group of people. So not only is the person being hurt, but the group witnessing the rude behavior is being impacted. Some are stunned and saddened by the poor behavior and others are finding it funny. Either way the person being rude s having a negative influence and is being a horrible example.
  • The person being rude is ruining any testimony they might have with people who are witnessing the poor behavior. It’s very hard to take someone seriously who says to little kids “be kind” and then watch that person be rude to their mother or father. Their credibility is lost and they become known as a hypocrite.
  • The aren’t being a Christ emulator. Jesus was never rude and never sought his own way. Instead he was insanely patient.
  • They are defaming Jesus.

A persoanl experience and a lasting impression

One day I stood with a group of woman chatting about something. (Don’t really remember what). All of a sudden another woman rudely butted into the conversation and asked me if I wanted something. I politely replied “no thank you I just downsized my own” to which she rudely snapped back “I didn’t want story time I just wanted a yes or no”. I was stunned ,embarrassed, hurt, and heartbroken. This woman was in leadership, she knew better than to treat anyone like that. I wish I could say it was an anomaly however this woman had treated me and others this way more times that I could count. It was heart breaking because yes it hurt but I saw the disgusted look on the other women faces and I knew that her testimony and credibility was severely damaged.

What does God think?

The world tells us not to care what others think. But what about God? What did God think about her behavior? Did others see Jesus’ gracious and loving-kindness through her ? Sadly no.

Sadly she just laughed that stuff off and really has no concept of what her rudeness has done . She has no idea just how damaging her negative influence has been And perhaps that is the most heartbreaking of all. I know she could have had an incredible impact based on her life experiences.

And yet she chose to seek her own way over patience and kindness that God commands of us.

Now it’s your turn

Have you ever been told that you are rude? Do you make snide comments and treat people poorly? Especially when it is an inconvenience for you? Are you impatient and unkind? Do you have thoughts and feelings of such? Ask God to reveal to you the condition of your heart. Ask Him to make you aware of what needs to change and ask him to show you who you have hurt

AND THEN (here’s the hard part)

APOLOGIZE.. But don’t just say empty words work through those thoughts and emotions with God and ask him to change them and then you need to make the hard choice to set our “rights” aside and put others first. Yes that is counter cultural but it is biblical.

Thank You so much for joining me on this journey! I pray that you have found growth and encouragement along the way.

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Impatience: Negative Influence Trait #4

Posted on by Mary
Impatience

Impatience…we all have it. And it hits when we are usually wrapped up in our own circumstances. I know that’s when I struggle with impatience the most.

And our impatience almost always results in us being unkind….and unkindness is unloving….and those my friends are HUGE Negative Influences.

Impatience impacts so many people. It wasn’t long ago I was watching a TV show where someone was impatient with a person in a restaurant. and before long the impatience snowballed and one person’s impatience ended up impacting EVERYONE in the restaurant. That’s not a far stretch either.

You have to look no farther than your own home.

I mean seriously one little act of impatience by a parent and it trickles right down the ranks and in the end the poor dog gets the raw end of the stick! I joke- but its’strue.

That’s the ripple effect we have and before long our whole family is teetering on edge…and it doesn’t just stay in our home. Hubby can take his impatience to work and Junior can take his impatience to school and mama can be impatient with the mailman, Repairman or some poor defenseless wrong number caller. (or telemarketer- hehehe- guilty as charged).

Our impatience hurts our testimony and it hurts those we love. We can make a choice to be patient and kind.

We need to remember Ephesians 4:1-3 NLT

 Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. 2 Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. 3 Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.

Do you see that? We are CALLED by God to be Humble,, gentle, patient with each other. BUT HOW? By making allowance for each others faults- because of your love.

We need to make EVERY effort to remain unified in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.

All of these attributes are linked….You cannot be prideful and have peace……you cannot be impatient and have peace……You cannot be unloving and have peace and you you cannot have unity and be lacking in any of these.

Choosing patience is rooted in seeking to understand where other people are coming from. We need to stop expecting others to be patient with all while being impatient with whomever we choose.

We need to choose to be the living breathing example of patience- because it starts with me…and it starts with you.

Now it’s your turn

Ask God to show your the impatience places in your heart. Ask him to help you make moment by moment choices that are rooted in understanding of what other people might be going through and to make allowances when they fall short. Ask God to help you have and extend the same grace He has given to you. And this isn’t just about praying these words but actually choosing to follow God when the rubber meets the road.

Thank you so much for doing mean this journey. Feel free to check out the links below of you are just joining us on this journey.

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