Category: Choosing Courage

Choosing Courage.: You Never Knew Me

Posted on by Mary
Choosing

Good evening everyone! Welcome to post #12 in the Choosing Courage project. I hope you have had a great week! I have a very interesting question for you tonight! Have you ever invested time into someone- given them all of your heart (I’m not talking about a spouse necessarily), just to be all of a sudden accused of being a horrible person in some shape or form.? You are left standing there with the pieces of your shattered relationship laying at your feet and the overwhelming sense of “You never really knew me”?

If we are honest we all have (especially if you were a girl in middle school. We also have the tendency to either take offense far too easily or project our own problems on other people (more on this in a future blog post).

Grace upon Grace, Mercy upon Mercy

No matter which side you are on it’s important to remember that our ultimate goal as believers in Jesus is to be Christ emulators. And Jesus was full of GRACE and MERCY. I know some people aren’t naturally bent towards these traits. We need to work very hard to be like Christ. It takes practice and sometimes blowing it and then being able to learn from those mistakes.

It also takes a great measure of humility to admit that we don’t know everything. The only person who really knows our Hearts is God himself. Even we ourselves don’t know our own hearts because emotions can be severely deceptive. We can convince ourselves of lies both about ourselves and our closest of friends and when we let those lies and emotions take over and we lose sight of who Jesus really is and how we are supposed to love! UNCONDITIONALLY!

FORGIVE

This is the ultimate act of Christ like behavior , especially if you forgive before you are asked to forgive. Jesus provided the ultimate gift of forgiveness before anyone ever knew they needed forgiving..

Forgiveness is HARD. Especially when we have been hurt whether intentionally and unintentionally! But it is a choice we must make.

STOP PLAYING GOD

When we assume that we know someone’s heart , we are playing God. I know that’s hard to hear. But we all do it. And it’s so important to admit that flaw and move forward to understanding. That’s what we need to strive for understanding and love rather that assumptions and gossip. It’s our job to extend Grace and mercy so we can become the picture of true Christ-like love.

But how ado we do that? It Comes to to CHOOSING…..

It starts with some Courageous choices that goes against the world’s perspective.

  1. Choose to acknowledge that you don’t have all the understanding of peoples motives. When we assume we know their motives we are saying we know them better than God. And in doing that we show that we don’t really know them,
  2. Choose to Die to self. Put others before yourself and realize that the world doesn’t revolve around you. Value other people and their insights I had a history teacher who had a phrase he used to say “There is a world outside of Hetlerville. Yes that’s a real place. But the point is we get so stuck with seeing what is in our immediate location that we lose sight that the world is a much bigger place. The same is true fore us as individuals. When we get so wrapped up in our own little worlds and all the drama in our lives we fail to see what other people are going through. and even sometimes we take the struggles we are having and project them onto those around us.
  3. Choose Grace and mercy. It doesn’t matter of you are good at these things or not. we need to actively choose these! When we do so we will grow and we get better and better. But remember you can’t give what you don’t have.

These three choices are just the beginning! There is a part two of this coming soon…..So what will you be choosing to do? For me it’s forgiveness but more on that in the next post.

But while you wait you can check out the other CHOOSING COURAGE posts here

When the Bible Becomes a Textbook- Day 7

Posted on by Mary
Bible

The Bible A Textbook?

It’s a problem that seems to be growing more and more within the church. It’s more prevalent in college’s and seminaries where the Bible really is on the textbook list. I think a Bible was on every class syllabus I had throughout college except for Math class and maybe the two English classes I had.

When the Bible is taught on an academic level we need to be careful to make sure the Bible stays personal. We need to be sure that we realize that the Bible never returns void and that we can learn something each and every time we read it. But it’s not just in college and seminary, this happens in churches too. It happens when believers take in too much spiritual information. We do it in the name of learning but we forget that there is another piece….

Spiritual Gluttony

Are you a “FAT” Christian? There are so many spiritually obese Christians within the church. They sit in their homes and in Bible studies and they talk about how much they have learned and how much time they spend praying or studying God’s word. They can quote and re-quote God’s word . Yes we are commanded to learn and hide God’s word in our hearts.

That’s not the problem. the problem is when we as believers don’t use the knowledge God has given us through his word. And it’s not just what we do with it it is HOW we use it.

3 Areas That point to spiritual obesity

  1. Holding one’s quiet time/ spiritual disciplines over another person. When we think that our spirituality is greater than someone else’s we are elevating ourselves over others. We aren’t to think ourselves better than other people, no matter how much time we spend in God’s Word.
  2. Using scripture to beat people up. Misuse of scripture and hurting others also shows a lack of maturity in faith. I’m not saying we shouldn’t speak truth but oftentimes we forget the second part of that verse. We need to speak the truth IN LOVE. Not with the proverbial biblical baseball bat.
  3. A lack of spiritual growth. I once heard someone say “I’m not a very merciful person.” It was this person’s excuse to behave poorly and mistreat people. We shouldn’t wear our sins and faults as a badge of honor (more on this in an upcoming blog post). When we know but are not putting the knowledge into practice we show a lack of growth.

Right now our church is doing a study of the book Respectable Sins. And today in church the message was on harshness. And each Sunday, the pastor speaking answers a respectable sin with a Fruit of the spirit. Today the pastor said that fruit is there for us to pick and use as we need and sometimes we just ignore the fruit entirely. Wow!

4 Steps to keep us from Making the Bible. textbook

  1. Remember that the Bible is for us to grow. We need to take the beam out of our own eye before we can take the speck out of another. It’s called humility. Remember that scripture never returns void. We are to learn to become closer to Jesus and grow in his heart and character.
  2. Humility, humility, humility. Have a teachable spirit. Don’t forget that we need to not only take in the information, we also need to apply it to our own lives.
  3. Remember we cannot give what we do not have. You cannot tell someone else how to live if you yourself do not have Joy, Peace, Forbearance, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-Control.
  4. Practice the idea of a personal prayer closet. It doesn’t matter how much time you spend in God’s word just as long as you are devoted to him and have a teachable spirit. If you are reading God’s word for the sake of attacking someone, that isn’t a teachable spirit. Depending on the specific season of our lives we may not have the ability to spend longer in God’s word. Case in point: In December I couldn’t spend as much time in God’s word however, I grew by leaps and bounds because my faith was being stretched in far different ways. My prayer life was different, I learned to rely on God for the most basic of needs. And it taught me a whole new level of reliance on God.

A word about forbearance

Forbearance is a funny word- I have studied it before but I always forget what it means and then I look it up and I say “OHHHHHH”. It also happens to be what I have seen as one of the BIGGEST struggles within the church- patience and tolerance.

Tolerance is more than “you need to be tolerant of me and my ________”

Remember the “we can’t give what we don’t have”. If you cannot be tolerant of the music, or the children in church than you cannot expect to receive tolerance for whatever your preferences are. Did you notice I said preference? Sin should never be tolerated in church.

Confession time

I have struggled with this from time to time. If we are honest with ourselves we all struggle with this. And it’s that honesty that will make the biggest impact in our walk with God. Repent of our sin of mistreating others, misusing God’s word and give over that critical spirit to God and allow Him to change our hearts.

It’s time we realize that being obese Christians fattened up by all of our knowledge is useless. It’s only when we apply God’s word to our lives that it is at it’s most useful state.

How about you? Have you ever struggled with falling into the ‘Bible as a textbook as a trap”? Let me know how you have overcome it in the comments below.

Choosing Courage -Day 5

Posted on by Mary
courage

Good evening everyone- tonights post as you can see is going to be about courage and being courageous and after yesterday’s and today’s reading I think I have settled on a series title. (Let’s be honest it can’t be Hello Fears forever, because that is already taken ;). ). Today’s reading check-in is based on pages 26-56. It finishes chapter 1 and chapter 2 in it’s entirety.

courageous

Let’s Jump in

So one of the neatest things I learned this chapter was the difference between being fearless and being brave or having courage,

FEARLESS- lacking fear

Brave- showing courage

Michelle talks about how it is important for us not to be fearless but to face our fears with courage. Our hearts may race, our palms may sweat but we can still choose courage and face our fears head on!

“Being brave is when, despite the fear, we have the courage to take action, and that is way more powerful and inspiring than being fearless.

Wow- JUST WOW!

Assignment #1

After those insights Michelle challenges us to list out our areas of fear, fearlessness and bravery.

So here’s mine:

FEAR-

  • what people think
  • writing truth and offending people
  • being transparent and authentic
  • being criticized
  • losing friends over my writing

FEARLESS. The truth of the matter is I don’t feel like I am fearless in anything..

BRAVE-

  • raising kids ( This sone of the biggest fear inducing experiences of my life time)
  • At 19 I boarded my first plane and flew half way around the world and had some of the greatest adventures I have ever experienced. Outside of raising our kids. I ate things that I never thought I could. Made friends with people I never thought I could. and just the act of getting on the airplane was one of the scariest things I have ever done.. I was told many times during that time that I was very brave
  • Serving God- I have found myself in some pretty scary moments. Inner city kids ministry on the worst street in the city. , street witnessing in NYC. Being shown a gun while doing so. Talking with a mentally ill man on the streets. Loving kids who other people run away from. every time I directed a Christmas play. Riding in a parade. Writing here on my blog.
  • Taking next steps in life- I wish I could explain more of this right now but I can’t. but stay tuned it will be coming. (No this isn’t about our next church).

The bravery part was really hard mostly because I don’t feel brave. and then I remembered a favorite verse

Joshua 1:9 – Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

God doesn’t want us to have a spirit of fear but to be strong and courageous and trust him.

Be an Influencer

The section on being an influencer struck a chord with me because I have only been teaching it both here and in our church for how long? I vary slightly on the idea f influence than Michelle. We (EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US) is an influencer Whether we like it or not. the things we say or do influence those around us, whether it is a good influence or a bad influence. AND as believers we are called (each and everyone offs) is called tube godly influence to those around us- both believers nd unbelievers.

Leadership

Michelle talks about how we tend to elevate “fearless leaders”. but they have a tendency to be reckless. Brave leadership on the other hand counts the risks and steps out bravely . I know I would much rather be and have a brave leader over a fearless one.

Assignment #2

This isn’t an ongoing assignment. We are to keep track of all of our small and not so small acts of courage We are to keep track while reading to the book.

So as of today I have five “posted” blog posts. Five shares on Facebook and Five shares on Instagram. I won’t be posting all of my little acts of courage over the next 95 days.

So how about you? What are some of your fears? And what are you moments of bravery?

For more Choosing Courageous posts and Hello Fear Posts click here

And Check out Michelle Poler’s book Hello Fears click here

Joy Dare- One Thousand Gifts

Posted on by Mary
Joy

Welcome back to the Joy Dare

Hello everyone, Welcome back to my 2021 Joy Dare Challenge. I know that I haven’t been posting the weekly Dare prompts here but you can be sure I have been keeping it going in my daily devotions. As much as I would love to have a record of all of the Dare prompts here I just don’t have the time to catch it all up, so I am just going to have to keep the record of it in my journal!

The Joy Dare has played an internal part in helping keep my perspective in line over the last 8 months. Focusing on what you are most grateful for whether its big things or the smallest of blessings takes your focus off the struggles of this world or our own hardships and places our sight on who it exactly belongs on…..the bestower of all of these blessings…..big and microscopic…….God himself.

So Let’s Jump in.

Joy

August 13th-19th 2021

Day 13- 3 Gifts in Green

  • The grass and trees
  • my bullet journal
  • FROGS!!

Day 14- A gift in a ring, curve, and sphere

  • Ring- the fire ring in our side yard- so many memories
  • A curve- as I a curve ball- it changes everything including our perspective
  • A sphere- the sun- a big bright warm glowing ball in the sky

Day 15- 3 gifts ugly beautiful

  • My petunia plant- all of the green leaves are withered but the flowers are still blooming in all their beauty
  • A room we are working on- it’s like a painting it’s “in the ugly stage” but the progress is beautiful. It reminds me of the state of our lives.- we have very ugly spots according to the way the world looks at us, but when Jesus come in and starts working on the. ugly parts he transforms them into something beautiful.
  • Calloused, scarred hands. Hands that work so hard and take care of many people. those hands are taken for granted and yet they keep serving and loving. Beautiful hands and feet are those that serve God at the expense of their physical beauty!

Day 16- 3 Gifts of family

  • Hubby and oldest child #1 returned home after a hiking weekend way.
  • working together for a common goal
  • laughter, love and craziness

Day 17- 3 gifts in the morning

  • Sweet moments talking with hubby before work.
  • Devotions and Prayer
  • Silence before the day begins

Day 18- A gift red, read and written

  • Red- The deep red of a sunset then mixing into other colors that create a perfect painting given to all who take the time to notice and different for everyone according to the position and perspective.
  • Read- Hello Fears- talk about perspective change- it’s teaching me how to loo at fears differently.
  • Written- blog posts that I’m writing and posting Really setting me free.

Day 19- 3 Gifts in Church

  • Support- building up and encouraging each other
  • Laughter- not superficial or fake- but pure JOY and NOT at other people’s expense
  • Friendships- a closeness that is like no other

How about you? What are you thankful for big or small?

Interested in more of my Joy Dare posts you can click here

To Learn about more about Ann Voskamp’s Book One Thousand Gifts and The Joy Dare Check out her website here.

Ministry Moments: Debunking a Lie

Posted on by Mary
Lie


Welcome to day 3 of My Hello Fears writing Project. This post about debunking a lie that plagues the church today is a LONG time coming. It has been hiding in my drafts for nearly two years because I was too afraid to hit the publish button. Well today is the day folks.

STORY TIME!!

When I was in Bible College there was a theme communicated whether intentional or unintentional that ministry leaders should not have close friendships within the church they serve (this was not taught in every class, but it was in some). It surfaced it’s ugly little head in subtle ways.

Then we graduate and we move on into ministries…..not all but most. Some get married and some don’t. some work with parachurch organizations and some in churches and some take everything they have learned in Bible college and give everything they have to an organization or business that doesn’t necessarily have faith as a basis but they change the face of their job because of their willingness to set aside themselves and serve Jesus with ALL of their hearts. But for all, in ministry or on the job, they ended up as a part of a team.

And two things happen when you work together as a team…You either hate each other- or you grow closer together. More often than not it’s the latter. There are some dividing things that cause the team to be dysfunctional and that is a post for a later date. For now let’s focus on the lie at hand.

AS A MINISTRY LEADER YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE AN INNER CIRCLE OR CLOSE FRIENDS WITHIN THE CHURCH.

As I moved from the Bible college setting to a setting that had my husband in seminary, I found myself in a new place I had never been…without a ministry. I was working full time and I was a new wife and the church we attended had A LOT of college students doing almost all the ministry- and I felt lost. Serving was a part of my SPIRITUAL DNA that God had created within me. It was clear even as a young child. It was a hard place to be. It was during this time that God developed certain passions and talents that had never really had a chance to bloom in my adolescence.

My last year and a half as seminary wife I was asked to be on the leadership team- they originally asked me to be treasurer but by that time I knew my talents were not in that area so I spoke up and told them so. Being wise professor’s wives they asked me what I was good at- and I knew where my heart jumped with joy- HOSPITALITY!

And that’s what they asked me to be -Hospitality Coordinator. And this is where I cut my ministry teeth on a ministry team. I knew that someday that is where I would be and that’s how I wanted to serve. Creating a team of women with that same passion as I had. To serve Jesus loving women of all ages and bridging an ever widening generation gap.

There’s a problem though-

When you serve with a group of believer’s for the same cause… you grow closer and closer, because life experience draws people closer together. When you roll up your sleeves and you get your hands dirty together there SHOULD BE A CLOSENESS that develops. THAT’S WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!!!

How do I know this?

You have to look no farther than the gospels and the example Jesus set.

“You took 12 outsiders nobody would have chosen and you changed the world” (Nobody by Casting Crowns and Matthew West).

They were failures, they had all fallen short in some way or another and were not a part of he religious scene. They were detestable in the eyes of the religious leaders. They were really “outcasts” by the social standards of their day.

It hasn’t been until the last 2 months or so that I have been able to articulate it quite this way. It took some battles and wrestling and much inner turmoil because the lie of no inner circles or close friends within the church for ministry leaders is still alive, well and going strong.

The reality is if those relationships aren’t there, then your ministry is nothing but surface deep, The problem with close friendships and inner circles is this ATTITUDE. When members of the team start seeing themselves either as better than other team members or too good for the people you are serving or ministering to then the team changes from an inner circle to a clique…..Do you remember Jr. High?

Jesus had many other friends besides the 12 (his inner circle) He had Mary, Martha and Lazarus…. just to name a few. He spoke truth to Martha when she had a skewed view of her sisters “distractedness”. And Martha listened- changed and grew. The inner circle/ close friends are more than just buddy buddy. They push each other the grow., to become better versions of themselves (or at least they should(. They call us out when we head down a wrong path because they don’t just care about our friendships, they care about our souls!

He didn’t think he was better then her- he corrected her wrongful thinking.

There were many misunderstandings but the group was committed to the common cause- the teaching of Jesus- GRACE- MERCY- LOVE.

So Let’s Change the mindset and the church and debunk this lie together

There are two ways that we can change this mindset

#1 We the ministry wives need to live our lives differently. We need to not be afraid of friendships and an inner circle within the church. BUT we need to be careful. We need to guard our hearts. We need to make sure we aren’t really in a clique. and we need to make sure that our mouths keep confidences and that we aren’t breaking confidences.

I know that we all are human and that we all make mistakes (I know I have made plenty) BUT it is completely possible. to live out the example of Christ AND IT SHOULD HAPPEN! Without that inner circle we cannot grow the way we should. And our people won’t be impacted.

The other thing that we most MUST MUST guard against is ignoring the women within our churches and ministries for the sake of the inner circler even worse acting like you and your circle are better than everyone else. We cannot and should not sacrifice our relationships with the other women around us. This will damage our ministry and testimony,

#2 Women of the church- set aside jealousy. You may not be a part of the inner circle and don’t hold that against the ministry wife, Inner circles change over time, and my challenge to you is to be ready.Prepare yourselves to be the women to fill the inner circle vacancy. A wise ministry wife won’t invite someone into the circle that will be harsh, back-biting and two-faced. She will understand that, if you are willing to gossip about other people , that you will be willing to gossip about her. She also won’t surround herself with negative complaining people.

She needs all the support she can get. Don’t be apart of the problem be apart of the solution. Together we can embrace the truth of Jesus’ example of having an inner circle of friends and change the face of ministry within the church today. That means when others start the gossip or show jealousy, we need to stand up for the Biblical answer not just listen to all sides (more on that in later blog post.)

So how about you, What role can you play in changing the face of this problem today?

Check Out my other Hello Fears writing project HERE!