Remember…..

Remember

I Remember. As I sit here typing this my mind races with many scenes from September 11 2001. 20 years ago today I was 21 years old, living off campus of the Bible College I was a junior at. I didn’t know it at that point my I had already met my future husband. We were just good friends at the time. I was sitting inner college’s student center It hadn’t yet been transformed into the cafe it would later become. I sat in an old restaurant style booth. I was the only one there minus a maintenance guy that was bustling about taking care of his morning duties. I didn’t have a class first thing is the morning . But that was all about to change. this was the place to grab snacks and drinks before chapel…..

All of a sudden the mass entered all a bustle but something was different. There was silence in such a large group of people like I had never witness before…. They made a bee line for the TV- not allowed at this hour. There were some fussing with the cords and the channels, and in not too long we were all staring at the TODAY show in disbelief. What was happening?

It’s about to get worse

When we tuned in it was just after the first place had hit the first tower and within minutes we all stood staring in silence as we watched live the second plane hit the second tower. Surely the first one could have been an accident right? But the second- it was clear it wasn’t an accident. You didn’t want to keep watching but you couldn’t stop either.

At some point we headed to the hall where chapel was held. I remember a brief announcement that classes were cancelled the rest of the day and that we were to spend the day in prayer with each other.

I remember being in a girls dorm room and I remember being with a girl whose family worked in the world trade center and I remember praying that her family members weren’t there that day. I remember we all tried and tried and tried to call our family members but the lines were busy. Never in all of my life had I witnessed the inability to get ahold of my parents.

What I don’t remember from that day

I don’t remember getting up that day- or what I wore. I don’t remember walking back home or going to bed that night. I don’t really remember much of the weeks afterwards either.

But those things didn’t matter. what matters was our friend whose family members worked in the towers didn’t go to work that day. Her alarm never went off What mattered were the people who didn’t make it and the countless emergency workers who poured their hearts and souls into their jobs and sacrificed so much.

As much as all of this impacted our lives, something else happened.

7 months later

As much as all of the pictures on the TV are etched in my brain forever, I have some other memories that are etched even deeper. In April of 2002 our school was cleared to Mae our usual trip to NYC. and hubby was going for the first time (this was my third trip) and this time we were a part of a street miming team. We spent Saturday street performing in parks and then we had dinner (a pizza place near Times Square. We then took a tour on the Staten Island Ferry where we saw the Statue of Liberty and the the Lights for where the towers once stood.

What came next has made a lasting impact n me for my entire life. It shook me to the core. We went to ground zero. The weeping and wailing. The unnatural burning smell coming from the sewers. The signs, flowers and teddy bears that lined Wall Street. People hoping and praying that their loved ones would be found.

I wish I could describe the smell….the smell was probably the most chilling. It was nothing I have ever smelled before. There is only one other smell that has left that kind of last impression on me- and that was when I traveled half way around the world and the pockets of horrid smell throughout the city. And my heart broke then like it did in that far away city.

I have carried those image, sounds and smells with me and now 20 years later- that sounds like so long ago and yet at the same time it seems like just yesterday!

We need to remember these things in life that make lasting impressions. We need to visit them often so we can remember how we got to this point in our lives. We need to remember so we don’t go back there and having history repeat itself. Remember this who have been lost. Remember those who are still struggling with the loss of that day. And remember that people are sick from their service from that day. They live with a constant reminder that they did what they were called to do.

REMEMBER

How about you? What are the memories from 9/11 that stick out the most?

Thanks so much for joining me for day 27 of Choosing Courage 100 day writing project. You can check out the rest of the posts here.

Realistic Expectations when It comes To Devotions

Devotions

My Personal Struggles My Expectations in My Devotions

I am my own worst enemy when it comes to my devotions with Jesus.  I can place really high expectations on myself and when I feel like I cannot meet those expectations I give up.

This doesn’t make me happy. But that is the reality- there are seasons in life that  be met with the same type of expectations.  

This past December I came face to face with this.  After I had my procedure that left me in the worst pain I had ever experienced (even worse that all 4 pregnancies AND a gallbladder attack  COMBINED). I found myself  confined to the couch in  spare room downstairs.   I had all the time in the world. The kids weren’t allowed to really see me because we were keeping me quarantined so I could have surgery later on (That never happened- Long story). 

I couldn’t do anything. I was in such great pain and I had a bunch of pain meds  pumping through my veins so to stay awake for more than an hour at a time was nearly impossible.    And lets not talk about the ability to focus…..I am still fighting to regain some of that 10 months later.

The result

I began to feel guilty that I wasn’t doing enough.  My expectations  haunted me.   The funny thing is that during this time as I did the bare minimum I was growing leaps and bounds.  It was during this time that “what I  Know….” was born. (Y(ou can read that post here) But as I began to grow and make progress even in the middle of a fairly traumatic Christmas another set of voices and expectations started to impact my heart and mind. And guilt began to take root yet again.

Another set of expectations

I began hearing and seeing things about  how  horrible  it was to do devotions out of devotional books during this time. Some of the books I found great comfort in were the Books by Sarah Young- Jesus Calling, Jesus Always, and Jesus Today.   Now I wouldn’t  say that these are a great place to camp for regular devotions BUT sometimes in the middle of the hard times. These Books meet us simply where we are at. And for me I needed that.   

Making others feel Guilty

I cannot tell you the number of times I have said to someone this is a really great book it helped me through……only to get sneered at because it wasn’t “meaty enough”.  I am not saying that these books need to replace God’s word…nope, not for one minute.  We just need to understand where we are at and  that sometimes we need to let go of our expectations we  place on ourselves and we need to  ignore the expectations that others put on us and when we want to put our expectations on other people.

What we need to Remember

  We  need to remember its all about their devotion to God.  It’s not about how much  they do or even about how deep someone else goes.   It’s not my job to judge that.  I need to encourage their devotion to God- And no matter where we are at we should always strive to go deeper but that is a personal between me and God thing.    We shouldn’t stay satisfied with milk we need to eat meat.

When a Kid gets sick

I like to think about it like this….

When a little kid gets sick do you keep feeding them the same food when they were healthy. No you put them on the BRaT diet. (By the Way anyone one with a stomach bug should follow the BRAT diet). It’s simiilar foods that are gentler on the stomach It stands for Bananas, Rice, Applesauce Toast..

And we as Christians sometimes have moments when we are “sick”. Sick in the Body, sick in the heart, sick in the mind. And it is during those times that we need to go back to the simpler forms of devotion to Jesus.

I know that if during a specific season I need to step back and lower my expectations of myself then That is what I will do and that is completely ok….as long as I keep on being devoted…..dedicated to spending time with Jesus.   

So for the month of September I have taken a step back from what I was doing (an in-depth study of Philippians) and I snagged a less involved study book off my book shelf.   I just knew that with starting school and everyone adjusting to crazy new schedules that the in depth study was going to frustrate me and I would end up neglecting it- remember the goal is to stay devoted- To have that daily meeting with Jesus-  It’s ok to take a break and come back to it.  

There is a great sense of freedom when we release ourselves from the unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves.   

This is one of the greatest lesson I have learned over the last 8 years and I continue to keep learning it. God wants my devotion NOT by perfection. It has never been about my expectation or your expectations. It’s about a personal relationship with Jesus !

How about you…have you struggled with expectations when it comets your devotions? Share with me in the comments how you overcame this obstacles!

For more Choosing Courage posts click here

One Thousand Gifts -Joy Dare

Joy

Happy Thursday everyone! And welcome to another Joy Dare!  It’s been a great week.  we are well into our homeschooling year and have hit a rather nice rhythm already!

So let’s jump into this week’s Joy Dare

Day 3- 3 Gifts yellow

  1. My new JournalI started today
  2. My unicron  mug I am currently drinking our
  3. sunflowers

Day 4- A gift cool, warm, sun soaked

  1. Cool-a cool breeze
  2. warm- a beautiful day
  3. Sun-soaked- kids playing in the water and soccer

Day 5- 3 Gifts Autumn

  1. Pumpkins spiced EVERYTHING!
  2. colorful leaves
  3. boots and sweaters

Day 6- 3 gifts growing

  1. The kids
  2. Our family relationships
  3. a better understanding of who I was created to be

Day 7- 3 gifts given

  1. a party for us ( a real blessing to us)
  2. Appreciation (one of the greatest gifts ever)
  3. words of encouragement

Day 8- A gift made, masked,  marveled

  1. Made- The gingham star and heart made by my mother-in-law
  2. masked- A Chinese mask  given to Hubby  by his  grandpa
  3. marveled- rainbows

Day 9-  3 gifts framed

  1. Some framed artwork  Scripture purchased from a small shop
  2. Family memories
  3. A painting of Montana

I’m so glad you came by for the Joy Dare this week and I’m praying You all have a fabulous week full of gratitude and Joy!

And how about You what have you found joy in this week?

For more Joy Dare posts click here and for more Choosing Courage Posts click here.

To Check out The Joy Dare and One Thousand Gifts  by Ann Voskamp click here.

Sometimes We Need to Breathe- Day 24

Breathe

Did you forget to Breathe today?

I know I did! The need to breathe is is so often taken for granted. Yes just the physical act of breathing is something we take for granted, until it becomes difficult. But that is not the type of breathing I am talking about.

Sometimes we need to step outside of the chaos- the crazy! Today I was thinking about it as I stood making dinner. I was frustrated that the whole day was “lost”.

Then the dog needed to go outside. Rosie will beat you to death if you don’t take her out pronto. I was annoyed. See the vet thinks Rosie has Cushings disease. We take her out A LOT. I think at that point I had taken her out 6 or 7 times.

The magic of Outside

I do a lot of breathing outside.. (LOL that just kinda sounded funny- I hope I do a lot of breathing in general). Actually when I feel really stressed I take the morning and spend some time outside doing my morning devotions and work-especially in the summer.

When I stepped outside and I took that big breath , I realized that I had forgotten to breathe. You know that deep cleansing breath that kinda melts the stress away. I know that not everyone feels less stress when they are outside. Some people “breathe” when they are crocheting, reading a book or gardening.

For me it is being outside but it is also creating. But sometimes I just plain forget.

Step away- if only for a few minutes

Here’s the thing. It’s about perspective. Even in the midst of craziness and chaos we can stop and breathe-even if it is for a few minutes. Here are a few of my go to “minutes” to breathe.

  • Stop to look at the sunset, sunrise, and flowers.
  • Go for a walk
  • take 5 minutes to do something I love. (painting, reading, crafting of any sort)
  • looking at the scenery behind out house
  • Just sit outside feeling the breeze on my face.
  • looking at the clouds

And that’s just to name a few!

Don’t confuse this with distraction!

I am queen of this struggle. This is something I battle with and through everyday. Some days are definitely worse than others. But sometimes I buy the lie that “breathing” is done while on my phone or watching TV. I sit down for lunch and begin to scroll through facebook. And when such is over I feel even more tired than when I started.

There are lots of ways we can distract ourselves. we can even distract ourselves with work. I can convince myself that tasks A, B, and C are more important than my time with Jesus. Or I can convince myself that scrolling on my phone is relaxing before I fall asleep. I can also convince myself that I am taking time to breathe by Reading just one more chapter even though I have to get up at 530 am. (yes there are two of those in a 24 hour time frame- if you know the joke-you know the joke lol)

Perspective and Choices

Perspective and choices are what really give us the chance to truly breathe and to appreciate and take notice of all the beauty surrounding us. We can choose our perspective on life and make choices to enjoy that perspective. We can choose to see and to breathe deeply.

How about you? How do you choose to Breathe deeply and regain perspective in the middle of chaotic times? I would love to hear your ideas in the comments

To Check out my other posts in my 100 day writing project (Choosing Courage ) click here.

Choosing Courage: Week 3 Update

Hey all! Welcome to my week 3 update. I cannot believe we are at day 22 of the Choosing Courage 100 day writing Project. Tonights post is going to be super short. Mostly because I have a headache. This project is flying by.

Progress on Hello Fears

I am sad to say I haven’t made much progress in it. We can chalk it up t poor time management ands crazy busy schedule and tiredness- from said crazy busy schedule.

I am actually going to finish Chapter 3 before heading to bed tonight-

(Hello Fears is a book I am currently blogging through – new concept for me, This is not a review and I am not recommending this book by blogging through it- My review and any recommendations will come once I finish the book.

Family Update

Tonight was the older two kiddos first soccer game of the season. And I actually got to go watch it. Last year with al of the restrictions I had to rely on pics but I got first hand experience of watching them play!

Blogging Update

I am doing it. Three days a week are harder posts to write but I have settled into the new blogging schedule quite well. I had a whopping one day where I was ahead ! LOL. But I have a plan to get ahead by the end of the week…for night’s like tonight where I have a headache and wan to go to bed!

I also really don’t like posting at night time but that is the rhythm I now find myself in. (I used to blog at nap time- but since I am the only one who sometimes takes naps I guess that isn’t going to help me! ) That’s why being a couple of days ahead.

What I have learned by choosing courage

I am enjoying the process though with turning out so much content I am struggling to give each post the attention it needs. Which is a great realization, It gives me perspective for once the 100 days of this writing project is over. I need build in space to “sit on” aka think about a post before I post it. I can’r tell you the number of times I woke up a day or two later with a FABULOUS idea to add to the post. And before long I get into my day and forget all about it.

The second thing I have learned is that I NEED to do my writing in the morning. I am not quite sure what this looks like in our current lives. I just know it needs to happen because that is when my mind is the sharpest and when I have the most energy!

How about you have you joined me on this journey? are you Choosing Courage in some area or are you doing the 100 Day Project in a completely different way? If so let me know in the comments bellow.

If you are new here check out the other Choosing Courage posts here.