Category: Choosing Courage

Change: Week 5 Update

Posted on by Mary
Change

Good morning! And I can ACTUALLY say that! I have and am in the process of making some big changes around here. As much as I have loved this writing project for 100 days I have hated every minute of the schedule I was keeping! I have been thinking and praying a lot about how to change the cycle I was in but nothing came to be until yesterday.

And then I remembered something……

Let’s Go Back in time (Cue Time machine sounds and funky music)

See the girl over there sitting in the old brown restaurant style booth. She’s had a busy afternoon and evening and now she was settling in to focus on her schoolwork- She’s a college student. She has a lot of trouble focusing She always has. She has so many things bouncing around in her brain.

But recently she made a discovery. She discovered that if she spent 30 minutes writing creatively then she could focus really well. And right now she is the only person in the room (that’s why it’s her favorite spot) but if she hurries she can get the creative writing in before the mad rush of people come into the student center for snacks and social time. So she put her head down and began scrawling down the new idea that had been bouncing around in that brain of hers all day.

Something Magic

With Each passing word that flowed out the end of her writing utensil her brain became alive and focused and driven. She had focus like she has never had before. Words came quickly and she almost never had to stop, erase or rethink the wording.

And then she was done. She would pack away her writing piece never to return to it again. And then the truly magical thing happened- She pulled out her schoolwork and she began working At some point the quietness turned into a murmur and then to a dull roar. There was chaos going on around her but that didn’t matter Her brain was calmed and she could focus on anything now. The time came fore her to close her books and she headed back to her dorm room. She changed, climbed into bed and laid there wondering why on earth she couldn’t fall asleep. Her brain was fully alive and functioning, not in the haze it had been that afternoon.

*cue time machine sounds and funky music* with a brief stop at yesterday.

Is that that the same girl?

The time machine comes t a screeching halt in front of a blue house and hey is that the same girl sitting out from with her journal in front of her.? The posture is the same. Hunched over her work. Her hair is the same color just shorter and she looks older. But she is just as busy scribbling away. She stops. She looks up. She is thinking about something. The girl in the booth didn’t do that. A smile spreads across her face. She picks up a strange flat box sitting next to her. Her fingers fly across the screen. Oh wait the front door open a teenager comes out, he’s holing a soccer ball, and he starts talking to her…He calls her MOM. She answers his question and he goes back inside. Wow a lot has changed for that college student sitting in that booth from so long ago.

She goes back to scribbling furiously. She stops picks up her head and smiles. It’s almost as if she remembered something. She picks up that flat shiny box again and turns it on . She looks startled. She pushes the chair away from the table gets her stuff together and heads inside. I guess it is time for me to head back to today. I climb back in my time machine and I look back as the front door closes behind her and I smile.

*cue Time Machine Sounds and Funky music*

An AHA moment and a Change

As I sit here this morning typing furiously on my laptop, I smile because I know exactly what that girl was going through…both that one from 20 years ago AND the one from yesterday. Because I am that girl. And I have been frustrated as of late. Yesterday when I was scribbling in that journal- my prayer time to be exact- I was asking God to help me figure out this writing schedule problem. It’s kinda been a vicious cycle over the last five weeks. And just like the girl from 20 years ago I will write my brains out before bed and then go upstairs and read I will be tired but my brain has been snapped back to life and I will lay there contemplating everything from what needs to be done tomorrow to….who knows what else. Then I wake up in the morning and I’m sluggish and unfocused. I have to fight my way through my devotions because my brain is not focused. Then the kids wake up and the demands of the day start.

By the time the kids go to bed at night I flop down in the chair with my laptop and I begin to write. And the cycle starts all over again.

But that me from yesterday had an aha! moment . She remembered the girl from 20 years ago. AND she was writing to another person online who was sharing how she handled her priorities and focused on each one. Her strategy struck a deep chord with me.

Overwhelmed and frustrated

I know as moms (and humans in general) we all tend to feel like this. We have so much to do and keep track of. We have so many priorities to focus on Our kids, our husband, our home, our physical health our friends, church, our relationship with Jesus, perhaps an outside job whether it be at home or out of the home…..and the list goes on and on. and we all feel the need to be balanced and yet we can’t stop the mad cycle.

So as I sent a few DM’s back and forth with Crystal Paine (The Money Saving Mom) about how she handles her priorities the thought of 21 year old me came flooding back as well. About how writing has always cleared my brain and helped me to focus and get stuff done. And then this question resonated deep in my heart WHAT IF I WROTE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING? HMMMM.

The Change

There are 3 things that are going to change over the rest of this week-

  1. Writing will happen first thing in the morning. This might change after the 100 Days of blogging project is over. It may look a little different just in it might not be blogging everyday, but there will be some form of “writing” being done.
  2. I am going to set up a habit tracker of the must do things that NEED to get done every single day. These will be based on my six priorities.
  3. Then each day I will pick out which two priorities I will focus on for that day. I need to learn exactly what “Time blocking” is -that will help the focused time for each day.

I love what Crystal said yesterday in her Instagram Stories. “I only have two hands, so I only pick two priorities to focus on everyday”. She says that when she does this it means that she will visit all of her priorities in focused time at least once a week (obviously it might be more). But then you don’t have to stress over neglecting something.

Wow what a relief from the pressure I have been putting on myself for a very long time.

I know this isn’t the typical weekly update but it is the major thing that has been a frustration for a while and now I have this overwhelming sense of Freedom.

Have you struggled with these thoughts and feelings before? It cycles through for me and I would love to hear your thoughts and strategies in the comments below!

Thanks for joining me for Day 37 of my Choosing Courage 100 day blogging project. If you are new here you can check out this blog post that explains it all.

And if you have fallen behind or missed some posts you can check it out here

Happy Homemaker Monday

Posted on by Mary
Monday

Happy Monday everyone. Mondays tend to be very low key around here but today was a little different both pups needed to go to the vert and then all the other scheduled stuff that needed to happen. So I got a Buch accomplished but it just didn’t feel like enough!

Breakfast time….what is on the plate this morning::::

Coffee.

  Looking around the house::::

I have lots of work to do….and I mean LOTS

On today’s to do list::::

  • Over the next few days I am revamping how I handle my priorities more on that TOMORROW

Currently reading::::

  • Hello Fears
  • Get Out of Your Head
  • My Bible
  • Corrie ten Boom(biography with the kids for morning basket)
  • S.H.A.P.E.
  • Practical Dreamer

On the TV this week::::

different Strokes and Promised Land

The weather outside is::::

It was GORGEOUS today but the rest of the week is Cooler (60’s) and wet

On the menu this week::::

Monday –  Beef Stew

Tuesday –   Scalloped Potatoes and Ham and salad

Wednesday –   Pulled Pork and French fries veggies

Thursday –   Leftovers and salad

Friday –  Chili and Biscuits

Saturday –  Pigs in a Blanket (Cabbage Rolls)

Sunday – Masjed Potato Sundaes

I never did get to make the cabbage rolls and the Mashed potato Sundaes last week. I will post a recipe or at lease instructions on how to make them.

If I have a few minutes to myself, I will::::

Clean my craft room

New recipe I tried, or want to try this week::::

None

One of my simple pleasures:::

Hubby and I working together at night time but separately. Me blogging / planning Him working on his upcoming Old Testament Survey class he is teaching. (Did I mention that hubby took on a part time Professor job). it’s not a typical Professor position but it is part of his passion! Teaching pastor’s!

Favorite photo from the camera::::

Monday

In case you are wondering they are watching for woodchucks!!! It’s Nuggets favorite thing to do.

Praying for::::

♥♥  Lots of friends and family who either have COVID or knows someone who does. One person in particular is not doing so well but is making strides in the right direction.
♥♥ Our Search Process ♥♥Friends and family who are struggling

Bible Verse, Devotional that is resonating with me at the moment:::: 

I had t chuckle when these verses were next in my reading of James this evening.

And for more Happy Homemaker Monday posts Check out Diary of a Stay at Home Mom

Thanks for joining me for My Choosing Courage 100 day writing project.. You can check out all the other posts by clicking here.

A Time to Play- Maybe

Posted on by Mary
Maybe

All week I kept telling myself “Maybe tomorrow”. Well as we know from earlier this week that this week did NOT turn out as planned. Life has been busy this week and somewhere along the way I have wrecked my shoulder, It’s getting better but I have spent a lot of the week in pain just by moving.

So all that to say that I haven’t had time to play. But maybe I did. Maybe it just looked a little different than what I normally would have done. See a few weeks ago-like a month ago really, I made this choice.

The choice

I made a choice a month ago to take on this writing project-100 days of blogging every single day. I have settled into a rather lovely routine but I have other priorities. And when you say yes to one thing you are saying no to other things, When the schedule is full then pay time may look differently. So yes art did happen this week but some other things did. and they were enjoyable. And fun too. I guess most of it really comes down to perspective.

So yesterday Bug and I cleaned out our yarn stash. We just weeded out the colors we just don’t use. I wracked my brain thinking about who I could gibve them to. A friend of our has two older girls who do craft sales in order to gain money for camp and so on. BINGO. I texted her and had the privilege of helping their girls. It helped weed out stuff we didn’t need and it helped them. That’s fun in my book.

The other thing we did was clean out the cedar chest and closet full of clothes that I don’t wear. There is something so satisfying about that. And then I also got the chance the last few days to work on next month’s writing. I have something fun up my sleeve. I am very excited about the things that are coming- and when you are excited about what you are working on it really doesn’t feel like work. it feels like play time. It’s fun. So even though none of these things really seemed like “play time” as I have defined it here in past posts,The truth of the matter is it has been great fun. Fun to help others, fun to move forward in working around our house, fun planning for the future.

It’s all about perspective.

As I sit here tonight typing this I could look back over the last week and see how crazy it’ll been and I could be discouraged and upset That I didn’t get to do “what I wanted to do”. but that is not why I do what I do. So even though I don’t have art to share tonight I do have a healthy dose of perspective as a reminder for myself to stay focused on what I have said yes too.

Maybe this next week

So maybe this next week I will get to do some art. I can tell you that more art is definitely coming in October (there is a hint to part of what is up my sleeve!). But if it doesn’t happen I will choose to see and be grateful for what did happen!.

Thank you so much for joining me for day 35 on this crazy Choosing Courage Journey. We have officially have accomplished one third of the project. If you have missed any of this past posts you can catch up here.

Hello Fears Book : Being Transparent

Posted on by Mary
Transparent

I want nothing to be Transparent

I want to be real and I want to be Transparent I have always wanted to be those things but I also want to be careful not to share too much. That being said I have looked ahead to some of the upcoming questions and I’m gonna be honest at this point in time I cannot share the answers to some of the questions. It doesn’t mean I won’t ever talk or blog about them in the future but for the time being it is just more wise if I keep those answers personal.

All of that being said I will still share some of my answers , I just wanted to be transparent with why I am not answering them all.

So let’s get into some of this weeks Content.

I finally finished Chapter 3 WOOOHOOO! I am actually most of the way through Chapter 4 )I finally feel like I am making progress). There are only 10 chapters in the book but they are HUGE chapters.

Something struck me as interesting that I wanted to talk about from Chapter 3. She was talking about expectations. There can be social expectations and personal expectations and sometimes they intermingle.

Michelle’s Expectations

She talked about how she had expectations for herself and that she had ages tied to them. Well I am here to say I am NOT that Kinda girl. I only really had one expectation that had an age tied to it and that was to go off to college! And that was 19. And big shocker I graduated at 19- flew half way around the world a month after I graduated. came back 11 days before I had to be in the girls dorm. CHECK- but the rest of my expectations were not about when they happened.

9You can Check out Michelle Poler’s Youtube Channel here where thee took on a 100 day project of facing her fears.0

Going to Bible College

There were some assumptions that people made of a girl attending Bible College- They are ridiculous really. BUT nonetheless it is a what people think. Let’s talk about that assumption.

That you are there for your MRS degree.

There are sayings like:

  • Ring by spring or your money back.
  • And various names that turn BIBE in the college’s name to BRIDAL.

That was not me.

BUT that was not me. I had no desire to get married when I headed to college. I had already tasted intense ministry half way around the world. I put my head down I was just doing my job and I had my eyes set on returning to the country I had just come home from. I was addicted to and passionate about serving Jesus and THAT is what I did. Every chance I got.

Along the way I got into some trouble. I was a tomboy. I have two younger brothers. I had all guys friends my senior year. 7 to be exact. We played football, we went to football games. We went to amusement parks and parks Then when I got to bible college I was thrown into the girls dorm. Talk about feeling like I was in another country. The whole time I was in the other country just weeks ealier I never had culture shock, that is until I got home. I suffered from reverse culture shock and then getting thrown into the girls dorm- that was culture shock. All I wanted to do was be bacon that other country.

I sought out friends that I was comfortable with

So I picked out a couple of guys that reminded me of my friends I had left behind. That did not go as I had hoped. They assumed I was looking for a husband. This just kept happening. There was nothing as awful feeling ike you can’t fit anywhere. SO I served wherever I could. This was a detriment to my school work. Then I met a guy. He wanted to be my boyfriend. He made a lot of promises. And then one day he told me ” well if I don’t marry you, who am I going to marry, there is no one a home my age.” I WAS HIS LAST RESORT? Holy Cow!

My Expectations

I didn’t have any.

For a fleeting moment I had an expectation to be married- based on a promise. But when we broke up and I went home on summer break I had a renewed sense of purpose and that was to prepare for full time ministry. That was where I expected to end up. God had closed the doors to the place I had thought I would spend the rest of my life.

I had no idea what full time ministry I would be in but I know two things

  • I wasn’t going to be a pastor’s wife
  • it wasn’t going to be in the country I had thought.

OH and I was going to be single.

But God had different plans

And then I showed up to school. August of 2001. We all know what was about to happen in September and I was about to gain the absolute best friend of my life. Something I have nEVER really had.

I was trusting God for every little piece.

The world may have a boat load of expectations for me.. But I don’t have expectations , I might have dreams, and hopes and I trust That God has a great plan for me..

Yes so I dreamed that I would get married to my now hubby (but not before I tried to hook him up with my then roommate). I was too scared. Once we got married I hoped we would have kids. THAT took a year and a half and a whole lot of trust.

I trusted that I was called into full time ministry and even though I did NOT want to be a pastor’s wife, once I met my hubby I knew that is whatI was called to do.

I had the desire to learn to paint- and I had no idea if that would ever happen but that amazing hubby God gave me – He fostered my passion to create NO matter what form.

And someday I would LOVE to write a book- but I don’t have the EXPECTATION that this will happen.

Sometimes it takes a while to get it

I did these questions a week ago but as I have pondered theses expectations questions and thought about writing this post I came to realize that I trust Jesus and expect and know that he is going to fulfill his promises in Scripture- that he is never going to leave me or forsake me. That he has a plan and purpose for everything in my life and that he’s going to take this really hard things and use them for his glory.

This all comes down to one thing MY PERSPECTIVE.

How do I look at myself and what happens to me? It comes down tony purpose…..HMMMM I have written about these things things this week. My life isn’t about fulfilling my expectations. It’s about loving God with all of my heart soul mind and strength. It’s about pleasing Him not others or myself.

It’s about being transparent with where I am at and how I am trusting the God of the universe to meet my needs!

Thanks so much for Joining me on this journey of Choosing Courage. If you are new here and have not yet heard about by 100 day writing project I encourage you to check out my first post that explains it all here.

Need to catch up? You can check out all the Choosing Courage posts here.

Please remember that I am blogging my way through this book and I have not yet reviewed and and I do not know if I can yet recommend it.

Not Exactly What I Had Planned

Posted on by Mary
Planned

Today did NOT go as Planned! When I woke up this morning I had a long list of things that needed to be done and accomplished. I had goals and intermingled with those goals and tasks were the everyday things like Google meet appointments, helping the kids with school work, making meals and house hold chores. Nothing earth shattering.

But Planned does NOT mean it’s going to happen.

I am a planner by nature. So I live off of to-do lists and getting things done….and then there are days like today…you know the ones. Everything takes WAY longer than it is supposed to. Or everything seems to go wrong or as this morning goes everyone needs something. It’s not a bad thing necessarily but you start something and then you continue to bounce from one thing to the next and it feels like nothing really gets finished. Take our vitamin boxes for example. I needed to fill them up today. Mine is finished after being interrupted 3 different times and I cannot even tell you how many times I lost my coffee cup as I played mommy pinball.

Sometimes we lose sight of what’s most important…..we forget where our strength and endurance comes from. JESUS! When I was sitting waiting for the next surprise IEP meeting to start and I check todays #Hopewriterlife writing challenge over on Instagram and the word for today is HOPE. So this is what came to mind and what I ended up writing…

I don’t have to plan Hope.

And today is the last day of the @hopewritersInstagram wring challenge. It’s been fun for sure but a little taxing on top of the writing challenge I have going on over on my blog. 

Can I tell you though that this week has been crazy busy and crazy messy! But in the middle of all the crazy and messy I still have hope! Because hope isn’t in an empty schedule or a less stressful day. Hope is a person. Hope is Jesus!
If all lease is in complete chaos we can still have peace and comfort and hope! Because HOPE IS IN COMPLETE CONTROL!

No matter the crazy and messy and confusing and overwhelming- HOPE is always there.

And in the middle of all the crazy- I had peace. It was the exact reminder I needed. The words of my own instagram post hit me like a load of bricks. So as much as I wanted to share my answers to the Journaling sections of Hello Fears (book by Michelle Poler) There is always tomorrow!. Those answers aren’t going anywhere.

Have you had any days like that recently?

Thanks so much for joining me for Day 33 of my Choosing Courage 100 day writing project. If you are new here you can check out the rest of the posts here.