Category: Choosing Courage

Goodness- Positive Influence Trait #6

Posted on by Mary
Goodness

Goodness– The quality of being morally good or virtuous. (Oxford Languages)

As I looked at this definition I made a connection from our study over the last few days. And something finally made sense or maybe was made even more clear than ever before..

Going back to Love we see that in First Corinthians 13 that the opening verses 1-3 (specifically 3) is talking about goodness and good things and Paul is saying we can be “good” in all sense of the term but if you don’t have LOVE than all of your goodness is in vain- worthless. And then I look at the steps of the Fruit of the Spirit and I see that :

Love. comes first. Then Joy, Then Peace, Then Patience and then Kindnss and right there is the middle is goodness. And my brain swirls with the realization as children right up through adulthood we are told that goodness comes first.

Luke 6:45

And as promised from yesterday we will Focus on the beginning part of Luke 6:45.

It states:

“A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart”.

“From a treasury of a good heart”. A Treasury is something that is stored up. Usually a financial term- A king has a treasury that is usually filled with gold, money, jewels and TREASURES. So let’s take a tiny step back…

As a believer if you have taken the time to grow in LOVE, JOY, PEACE, PATIENCE, and KINDNESS and you have stored them in your heart (That’s your treasury) then you will do good things, and you will be a good (RIGHTEOUS) person.

BUT if you take the opposite of those things HATRED, GRUMPINESS, ANXIETY, IMPATIENCE, RUDENESS they aren’t good or righteous things they are evil . (Be patient with me on the anxiety thing it’s not what you think)

AND NO MATTER which one you choose you also choose what kind of power you influence has….A positive OR A negative influence.

Actions and words are an outpouring of what’s in your heart (Remember the end of the verse?). Goodness is the very character of God. We CANNOT be a Christ emulator- an image bearer of Jesus and have evil in our hearts- You just can’t.

Some passages to Study

  • James 4:17-17 Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.
  • 2 Corinthians 5:17-17 This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!
  • Romans 6:1-8:39 (6:1-4)–Well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of his wonderful grace?2 Of course not! Since we have died to sin, how can we continue to live in it? 3 Or have you forgotten that when we were joined with Christ Jesus in baptism, we joined him in his death? 4 For we died and were buried with Christ by baptism. And just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glorious power of the Father, now we also may live new lives
  • 1 John 3:4-11-4 Everyone who sins is breaking God’s law, for all sin is contrary to the law of God. 5 And you know that Jesus came to take away our sins, and there is no sin in him. 6 Anyone who continues to live in him will not sin. But anyone who keeps on sinning does not know him or understand who he is.

And I could keep going.

I plan on dealing with a lot of this when we deal with the opposite of goodness in the Negative influence traits starting next week But from Galatians 5 I want to take a few just to demonstrate what Goodness is and isn’t.

What Goodness is and isn’t

Galatians 5:20-21

Goodness puts others above ourselves- we call it dying to self. This is setting aside our desires and wants (aka selfish ambition). Goodness isn’t self focused. We choose to set aside our preference. Once upon a time we called them sacred cows- things that we thought were Biblical but upon study of God’s word we realize they are just preferences. We need to lay those sacred cows on the altar and offer up to Jesus our will over his so that there isn’t some bovine distraction keeping others from Jesus.

Goodness is self-controlled- it doesn’t have outbursts of anger.

Goodness is filled with Peace It isn’t defined by quarreling. Have you even been around children or adults who are constantly bickering, It’s downright destruction to an atmosphere of peacefulness. BTW. quarreling is usually two individuals/groups fighting to get their own way! (AHEM SELFISH AMBITION).

Goodness is rooted in love not hostility. Have you ever met a hostile person. They are full of bitterness. And it oozes from every word and action. They can bee very conniving too. Always seeking their own way- their own agenda. AND they will do whatever it takes to get it.

Goodness is unifying-it does NOT create dissension and division. It doesn’t seek to drive a wedge between groups of people and create problems. We have actually heard people say it was their job in church to “stir the pot”. To create problems. To create disunity. That’s not GOOD!

Heart Influence

Goodness (or evil) is an outpouring of what is really in our hearts.

When we have thoughts that go against the goodness of God it is sin. And that is really what becomes our greatest influence. We all struggle with these thoughts and feelings- It’s what we do with them that is so very important and the first step to getting these things right with God is repentance. That is the act of asking God for forgiveness and then TURNING AWAY from that sin. It’s a 180 degree turn in the opposite direction.

It’s Your turn- Hard questions

Is there something you are haboring in your heart? Does it spill out into your actions and words? Do you think it is your job to “stir the proverbial pot?” Do you think of yourself better than someone else or that your opinions, desires or boundaries are more important than someone else?

Then let me challenge you to take these things to Jesus! Ask him to change your heart and THEN turn away from it and make choices that take you in the opposite direction. Run away from it. As fast as you can.And when you do that your influence will shift and the very act of making that change is a HUGE positive influence.

Check out these Links

Write 31 Days 2018 Influence Posts

Choosing Courage 100 Day Writing Project

Write 31 Days 2021 Link up List (Scroll to the bottom)

Kindness- Positive Influence Trait #5

Posted on by Mary
Kindness

BE KIND- That phrase can be spotted on T-shirts, stickers, folders, notebooks and bumper stickers. I have seen sentiments of kindness on all sorts of things. The world calls for kindness. AND YET, the world doesn’t really choose kindness. And sadly neither do Christians.

So Let’s talk about kindness

As a very young child I remember a song I was taught in our Wednesday kids club.

Pretend this is in a sing singsongy tone

“Be ye kind one to another tenderhearted forgiving one another even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. Do do. do do do do Ephesians 4:32”

And just like that I ha d “words hidden in my heart.” (Psalm 199:11). Or did I?

The world doesn’t realize it calling for a biblical principle when they yell from the roof tops to be kind. Unfortunately most times we yell be kind when we want someone to be kind to us , OR our causes. BUT when it comes time for us to BE KIND to someone different we can have billion reasons why I don’t “need” to be kind to someone else. We talked about THAT yesterday!And I find it interesting that in both the Fruit of The Spirit verses AND the Love Chapter verses that Kindness follows patience.

Why is that?

Well I think that the very first act of kindness you can show someone is Patience. Patience is the first descriptor of LOVE. Kindness is the second. You cannot have LOVE if you are not patient AND kind.

So let’s break down Ephesians 4:32. Be Kind- a command- It’s NOT an option. But then we all ask “well what does kind look like?’

  • tenderhearted
  • forgiving one another

Tenderhearted-having a KIND, GENTLE or sentimental nature (Oxford Languages)

Have you ever noticed how Scripture repeats itself. OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN! It’s because as humans we are DENSE. We need these constant reminders to not be selfish. And as we progress we will see that all of these traits build on each other. They NEED each other. We NEED patience in order to be kind and gentle. Don’t worry gentleness is coming !!

Forgiving one another- we also talked about this with patience yesterday! But this verse confirms that it is an act of kindness BUT there is a clarifier. Forgive as Christ forgave you!

YIKES

THIS IS HARD! Why? Because Christ forgave us-before we ever knew we needed to be forgiven. Long before we ever asked for forgiveness. This was so hard for me to wrap my brain around but my hubby graciously helped me through this understanding not long after we were married. This wasn’t ‘between him and I but a hurt I had sustained. There were many tears. What happened? Someone was very unkind and very harsh when she could have chosen to be understanding.

I struggled with why people couldn’t see how harsh tand rude hey had been and just apologize. I was holding onto a bunch of stuff and it was coming out whenever I talked about these situations- and I was turning into them!

ABSORBTION

I knew Ephesians 4:32- but I wasn’t letting it change me. I have learned (and am continuing to learn) to forgive and be tenderhearted. This is n’t just something where you learn the verse and bam you have arrived.

We tend to think that we can memorize ll the verses and we lift up people who have memorized hundreds of verses but then that’s it… That’s all they do with it. I have known people who have used their memorization of verses as a point of pride. I’m more interested in WHAT you do with this verses. Do you let those verses CHANGE you and mold You into the kind- tenderhearted-forgiving person God wants you to be? You know to be more and more like Jesus?

Ion deficient

Over the last few months we came to realize that despite me putting in an absurd amount of iron rich supplements and food into my body I could not absorb the iron. This was because my red blood cells were too small. If you aren’t able to absorb the iron it doesn’t matter how much you cram into your body it’s useless.

The same is true for God’s word. You can cram it in but until you are ready to use it and apply it and do the hard work with it- IT’S USELESS.

DID YOU NOTICE?

I left a part of that Psalm 119 verse out! Because that’s what we do. We focus on one part (I am to hide God’s word in my heart. CHECK I have all of Philippians, Ephesians and James memorized look how amazing of A Christian I am) BUT we leave off “That I might not sin against God”. Because that require Heart and life changing work.

And that means hard work-painful work. Because that means I have to admit that I might not be as good of a person than I thought I was.

A Good Gauge of Your HEART?

What comes out your mouth! (Luke 6:45 NLT)

45 A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart.

(We will actually revisit this verse tomorrow. ).

That last phrase “what you say flows from what is in your heart” is the biggest indicator of what someones heart motives are. What they find most important. And it’s generally when they aren’t happy about something. AND THEN THEY LOSE THEIR TESTIMONY (aka their positive influence).

And what’s the first thing that we hear out of someones mouth that ruins their testimony? Unkind words. We should be building people up NOT tearing them down. We should harken back to the phrase “If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all.” that our mothers taught us over and over and over again (Yes we are a dense breed).

Out of the Mouths of Babes- or a 16 year old

Our oldest son is a very caring (tenderhearted) and servant hearted teenager. We are blessed as we watch him grow. And one day last week he looked at me with sad blue eyes and said “I can’t believe I ever thought they were godly people.” I was stunned. He had come to terms with the very thing I talked about above. Unforgiving unkind words- behavior lived out opposite to what these people said they believed. HYPOCRISY. He didn’t have to be told it existed. He saw and experienced it first hand. The sad thing is Those people don’t even realize they had lost their positive influence and that it had turned to a negative influence.

Our Kindness speaks Volumes when you are genuine and authentic. WHEN YOU ARE REAL. You can say you are kind and gentle but if you aren’t it will be revealed when you hit your boiling point. When the pressure is put on and things don’t happen your way do you choose GRACE AND MERCY- Do you pick forgiveness as Christ forgave you? Do You put your own wants or desires aside? OR do you just let people have wants on your mind because you are entitled to your opinions?

Entitlement isn’t an act of kindness.

Now it’s Your turn

These are hard heart questions. I challenge you to take these things and pray through them asking God to reveal what is really hidden in your hear- or perhaps in light of Luke- not so hidden.

This isn’t a once and done process either we need to do a heart check regularly. As you do when something slips out of our mouths we will eventually be able to recognize the sin and do a heart check.

Let me know what you biggest struggle with kindness in in the comments below.

Check out these links

Write 31 Days 2018 Influence Posts

Choosing Courage 100 Day Writing Project

Write 31 Days 2021 Link up List (Scroll to the bottom)

Simple Gifts-My 2021 Joy Dare

Posted on by Mary
Gifts

Hello October! As we enter into fall I want to encourage you to really focus on the simple gifts that really do lay all around us! We just need to choose to see them!

Day 1- 3 Gifts orange

  1. pumpkins
  2. flowers
  3. sunsets

Day 2- 3 gifts falling

  1. leaves
  2. blessings encouragement
  3. temps (This is not my favorite thing but I see it as a gift because certain things can now be accomplished)

Day 3- A Gift caught, Let Go, and Midway

  1. Caught- A glimpse of the sun (its been very gray lately)
  2. Let Go- A frog the boys caught under the camper (I LOVE FROGS) and then we let it go in the frog pond
  3. Midway-I’m in the middle of a bunch of books and enjoying them.

Day 4- 3 Gifts Reaped

  1. Pouring into people- watching them grow leaps and bounds (Time and love were sown)
  2. Friendships reborn after a difficult season )Patience was sown)
  3. A Blogging habit (Perseverance was sown)

Day 5- 3 gifts returned

  1. Purpose- it was lost for a while
  2. Fall- as much as I love spring and summer I enjoy fall too
  3. Our owl- he only visits for a short time every fall

Day 6- 3 Gifts redeemed

  1. A bunch of glass IBC rooter bottles Oh do we have plans for those. Can’t wait to show you!
  2. Time- Used differently for a cool purpose
  3. My heart/life- Thank you Jesus!

Day 7-  A gift baked, stirred and eaten

  1. Baked- brownies
  2. StirredSoup
  3. Eaten- food provided by God.

I’m so glad you came by for the Joy Dare this week and I’m praying You all have a fabulous week full of gratitude and Joy!

And how about You what have you found joy in this week?

For more Joy Dare posts click here and for more Choosing Courage Posts click here.

To Check out The Joy Dare and One Thousand Gifts  by Ann Voskamp click here.

Patience- Positive Influence Trait #4

Posted on by Mary
Patience

Ah Patience. It’s the fourth in line of the Fruit of the Spirit AND it’s the first descriptor of LOVE. But what on earth is patience?

Upon a quick google search I discovered a pretty simple definition of what Patience is.

Patience is defined as the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. (Oxford English)

But I’m not super fond of this definition….I mean it’s good and all but this seems like it is built on our circumstances rather than how we LOVE people. Now in Galatians its not just talking about people it’s talking about our entire lives. The circumstances we have going on AND the people we deal with. Patience should be a trait of our entire lives.

So about our Circumstances

Hebrews10:36 says:

Patient endurance (the fact or power of enduring an unpleasant or difficult process or situation without giving way) is what you need now, so that you will continue to doGod’s will. THEN you will receive all that he promises. (NLT)

Life is difficult- running a race is difficult. the Bible talks about life being like a race. Not a 200 meter sprint but a long distance run. And it’s not a race AGAINST other people….it’s a race WITH people. I think we get the idea that if we can talk a good talk and look the part then we have succeeded as a Christian.

The whole time I am writing this a song is playing over and over in my head from my childhood. I was 14 when this song came out. the video impacted me greatly AND if you know my story you know that 14 was a big year. It was the year I had my eye surgery to repair one of my eyes. It’s not a Christian song by any means but it illustrates this patient endurance,

https://youtu.be/gGTLerCCZWY

Standing Outside the fire by Garth Brooks. This song was pivotal for me. It was long before I knew the names ofAny of the Christian artists that echo through our home now.

There is a picture of a mom and a dad and a boy with Down Syndrome. Never in my wildest dreams did I picture that my future husband and I would be parents to a child with a developmental disability- but we are. Thankfully we both act as the mom did in this video. But there are plenty of people in this world who act as the dad and coach do at the beginning.

Patient Endurance isn’t easy

Endurance is slow- It’s not a matter of a fast kick off- it’s not full speed ahead. It means that you need to keep going. It’s not about not falling and not gettign banged up in the process it’s about picking yourself up dusting yourself off and finishing well. You keep the eye on the prize…..The prize is “Good Job faithful servant”.

I HIGHLY recommend the book Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan. An allegory for the Christian life. Every person I know who has had a conversation with me about this book has said they have found themselves within the book. AND not always in the best places.

What about being Patient with the people in our lives?

So many times as Christians we to play the role of the dad and the coach declaring “Certain people don’t belong”. They don’t fit in our “RACE”. We want to run a clean elite race- OR better yet we want to sit in the stands and watch others RUN a GREAT CLEAN race. We are satisfied to turn on TV, Radio, or open a book and be spectators to other people’s races. We want to stand outside the fire. We don’t want to be patient with how God will use us in the race. We want to be used on our own terms. We don’t want to get too involved or in the too messy of situations.

But it is true in the song he says

Life is not tried it is merely survived
If you’re standing outside the fire

That’s not what the Christian walk is all about. We are called (all of us, not just the pastors, missionaries or other full time Christian worker) to get our hands dirty in ministry. We are not called to be consumer Christians.

The Church’s attitude

Now I know that this isn’t a Christian Song but the attitudes are the same.

The opening stanzas of the song depict what kinds of people fit and our attitudes towards them.

We call them cool
Those hearts that have no scars to show
The ones that never do let go
And risk it the tables being turned

We call them fools
Who have to dance within the flame
Who chance the sorrow and the shame
That always come with getting burned…..

…….We call them strong
Those who can face this world alone
Who seem to get by on their own
Those who will never take the fall

We call them weak
Who are unable to resist
The slightest chance love might exist
And for that forsake it all

The difference between these two sets of people is one makes us comfortable and one makes us uncomfortable. One pushes our LOVE. The other is EASY . And I had some questions about how to be patient with BOTH sets of people.

I went back to the Bible…..

and did a quick word search for “Patient” And the verse I landed on was PERFECT!

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults BECAUSE OF YOUR LOVE!! (Ephesians 4:2 NLT)

Wait WHAT?

Yes you read that right..”.Because of your love”. So the first building block of the Fruit of the Spirit is LOVE and because of that LOVE we CAN have Patience!

This isn’t a new concept for me. See I know this really cute pastor (Ahem -my husband) that taught this very concept of the Fruit of the Spirit being a series of attributes and as you grow you add more steps.

And we will se this as we move throughout the rest of the traits. YOU CANNOT HAVE ANY of the other nine traits if you don’t first have LOVE. Love is the root of all this other traits.

Let’s be Honest though…..

The reason we don’t have patience to begin with is because we don’t want to LOVE THEM ( who is your THEM?)…..for each one of us THEM is different…..and usually it’s because they are way too different from me.

  • Senior Adults vs Children
  • Teenagers vs Teenagers
  • Christians VS EVERYONE
  • various Races against other Races
  • Democrats vs Repbulicans (And vice versa)
  • People with disabilities vs those who do not
  • and the list is never ending.

For every way we have a difference there is an opposing force ready to let us know how unloved and impatient they are with us. (Note I am not saying that we need to agree on everything- There can still be right and wrong AND love and patience..

Let’s not miss the HOW of being patient

Right smack in the middle of the verse it gives us the “how” ro be patient.

“Making allowance for each others faults”.

” EACH OTHER’S FAULTS”. That indicates SIN !

Oh man this goes against all of culture that says- “I need to protect me”. (Now let me be very clear. THIS ISN’T ABOUT ABUSE. I have spent a huge part of my adult life helping people who have endured and come out of abusive relationships.). This is about the everyday stuff.

This is solely about us being humans and having faults. We all make mistakes and we all have a sin nature. But it is our nature to be like, ” well that person has 3 strikes and then they are out!” Life is not a baseball game people and we need to stop burning bridges. I COMPLETELY understand what it means to be hurt by people. But in the same respect I also have seen some amazing stories of people who were patient and loving and God took that and built something beautiful out of a very messy situation.

Forgiveness is the Root of Patience.

As I sit here writing this I think about all the times I have been impatient with people and it’s a lot. And as I contemplate WHY I was impatient with them, it comes right down to mostly the same things I hear myself say over and over again.

  • They didn’t do it MY way
  • They hurt ME
  • They didn’t do it fast enough….for ME
  • They made ME uncomfortable.
  • I didn’t like what they did.
  • That’s not the way I want it,

We throw a proverbial hissy fit. We revert back to our two year old selves and say “fine if it can’t be my way than I’m taking my toys and going home”.

And we forget the forgiveness given to us. Jesus is our example in this patience and forgiveness.

Forgiveness says ” I have messed up many times and yet Jesus still loves me. He died for ALL of my mistakes. And because he did that I can forgive_______ for _______. Patience is meeting a person where they are at NOT where you want them to be. Patience doesn’t live in expectations of others.

A Big Contrast

This stark contrast is seen in the difference between Jesus and the Pharisees. Jesus wanted to be whole and free from whatever was holding them back. The Pharisees were unhappy with the outcome as they saw it and wanted to make an example of those who didn’t meet the expectations.

Who had the Bigger influence? Jesus who met people in their messes and patiently loved them to a right relationship with God or the Pharisees who lived by the unattainable laws they had created (because the standards of what God gave wasn’t enough)?

BOTH!

Jesus had the biggest POSITIVE influence and the Pharisees had the biggest NEGATIVE influence. And we can tell that by the OUTCOMES of how they treated people.

Jesus’ patience resulted in changed lives. The people who were changed by his loving patience went out and excitedly told other people.They turned away from their sin and said “Look what Jesus did for me”. Or Jesus wasn’t;t afraid of the law- He knew that uncleanness wasn’t what was most important. He HEALED PEOPLE

The Pharisees on the other hand invoked a spirit of fear and dread. Their reputation was known as being judgmental and exclusive. The made scars deeper. They hurt people. Physically, spiritually and emotionally.

Now it’s Your turn

So have you ever experienced impatience at the hand of someone else? Did it have a positive or negative influence on your life? Do you struggle with with patience like me? What is a perspective change you can make so you can become more patient either in your circumstances or with people?

Follow along with theseLinks

Write 31 Days 2018 Influence Posts

Choosing Courage 100 Day Writing Project

Write 31 Days 2021 Link up List (Scroll to the bottom)

Half Way!!!! Week 7 Update

Posted on by Mary
Half

I cannot believe it!!! Yesterday marked 50 days blogging in a row. I am officially half way done with this challenge and the funny thing is I feel like I am only just getting started…and that is great!

#31days2021-The Power of Your Influence

Many of you know that I planned on doing this from the beginning of the 100 days and when I started on Friday I had a plan. Don’t worry I still do! But I hit a snag. It was with my Patience Post which will go live tomorrow. I had made a big mistake and I found it….as I thought I was wrapping it up.

I was frustrated and discouraged. And I will be honest, I wasn’t at all being patient with myself- How fitting right! I set it aside and continued on my journey. And this morning as I was proof reading and fixing it I realized two things

  • First it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be.
  • I saw a major amount of growth within myself. Once upon a time I would have done whole bunch of negative self talk. I would have just saved that sucker as a draft never to revisit it again- (can I just say that I deleted over 30 such posts about 3 weeks ago) AND I would have avoided blogging altogether because those types of things made me think I was just posing as a blogger (AKA I suffer from spotter syndrome)

The amount of growth that I saw this morning as I plugged through the mistake- a mistake that I made a complete mountain out of two days ago- I worked through and didn’t give up on it. THAT”S HUGE PROGRESS!

The FAM

The older two kids are about half way through their soccer season and they are both enjoying playing with their teams.

The older two and Hubby returned from their hiking trip in the Adirondaks yesterday. They had a great time.

Hubby starts an internship today with our church we have been attending and the search process continues with a get to know you interview tomorrow night.

The Younger two are plugging away at school and all of their adventures.

As I look over the last month or two we have all been on a journey of being stretched. Many are in ways that we have never been stretched before. And That is great. That means as a family we are on a learning journey. We want to do new things and explore new areas of ourselves personally and grow.

Reading

As I grow on my reading Journey I have learned something about my reading goals- As much as I like to finish books every month I have to let go of some of that because the reality is when you have to read a bunch of books at the same time , they might now all get read in one month. So this month I am in line to finish 6 books.

We will finish another morning basket book today or tomorrow (Corrie ten Boom) and I have already finished S.H.A.P.E.

Blogging (in General)

I have been staying ahead. I have been able to blog every single morning since changing my routine and that has been amazing. I know I am setting up habits for the future and that is a huge encouragement!

I am also beginning to see a blogging routine formulate in my brain for after the 100 days challenge is over! It will look different and I am contemplating letting somethings go. It’s funny because once you have a distinct purpose in something it forces you to evaluate what you do through the lens of that purpose.

Your Turn!

How are you guys doing in the areas of growth you have chosen. Are you meeting Your goals? Do your goals or perspectives need to change? Have you seen any areas of major growth? I can’t wait to hear what you’ve been up to in the comments!

All the links

Write 31 Days 2018 Influence Posts

Choosing Courage 100 Day Writing Project

Write 31 Days 2021 Link up List (Scroll to the bottom)