So I bet you are guessing what #RGTHOPE is right?
Well does this make more sense?
It was a mom’s conference held this past weekend in Corning NY.
BUT, my hope journey doesn’t start there. It actually started a little over a year ago, when I was one of 26.000 people who downloaded Hope For The Weary Mom for free! Earlier that fall it became very clear that our life was changing. Our then four year old son took a nosedive…in pretty much everything. It was a super dark time! We kept his issues a secret for as long as we could, we felt so defeated.
I as a mom felt like I was failing in every area…everything felt as though I was literally one half step from the looney bin!
So one night an offer came across my FB newsfeed about this great new ebook that was free for the first two dayside of its launch week….I snagged my copy and moved on, but unlike all the others I didn’t forget…it sat on my iPad beckoning my name…calling me.
Jump ahead to January 2013. I again saw promptings come across my newsfeed about this online book club …GUESS WHAT BOOK! Yep you guessed it…HOPE FOR THE WEARY MOM! I was two weeks late in joining, but I caught up quickly. I’m not gonna lie, the book is hard! GOD REALLY DID MEET ME IN MY MESS!
On more than one occasion it got ugly…..I was broken, with guilt of a ton of things heaped on me. I was hearing a lot of “you caused this”. “Getting a label like this will ruin his life”. “It’s because he got this when he was a baby” “it’s all in your imagination”. “He doesn’t look like anything is wrong with him”. “Well he is always so good for me”.
I remember one day in particular, I was alone in the house, sun streaming through the windows of my living room. I sat cross-legged on the green well broken in very comfy couch, iPad in hand. Within minutes I was crying…and I mean all out, major ugly. It was at that very moment the Grace of God was enough. I knew that even if I couldn’t meet anyone else’s expectations because of the sacrifice of Jesus made on my behalf, I was good enough.
And through my brokenness, my weakness, I started looking at my circumstances differently. I took a stand for my son and I have chosen to fight for him.
Fast forward to September. Just before another conference I became aware of Raising Generations today….I loved what it stood for! And then I met September,…September McCarthy that is! I heard her heart. I saw her passion and spark, was lit!
My fantastic hubby okay-ed the conference and when I found out that Stacey Thacker and Brooke McGlothlin were both going to do workshops at RGT I was over the moon excited! Not because they are authors but because they were so real in their book that you felt as though you have been best friends forever!
Again let’s fast forward to two weeks before the conference. All of a sudden I became very emotional….not hormones this time people…I was excited yes, but as I look back I think God was making my heart tender. We dodged a babysitting issue. And then 3 days before the conference and it hit…this incredible fog. I couldn’t put two thoughts together to make any sense! I was dreading leaving…I had a TON of work to do before the conference. The kids didn’t want us to go…yeah my hubby came too! (That was the first time they ever objected to our going away) not that we go that often….we are talkin Christmas of 2012..and hubby and I had the stomach flu…THE ENTIRE TIME! (Hmmmmm). So on Friday I had to get the kids off to school, instructions for 2 sets of babysitters. Housework to complete, menu….food prep…all to leave by 9:45 ….we had Spa Appointments…hubby was treating me to my first manicure since my senior banquet in high school!
On the way our now 6 year old autistic son had a day off school. He screamed for the first 30 minutes of the trip. I nearly lost it and cancelled the whole trip. My hubby made me push forward. A quick stop at a favorite store of mine…..then a peaceful rest of the trip to catch my ride.
We walked Market street
We checked it.
I went to my nail appointment. Nope they told me 2:30. They put me in at 2:15. I guess I was supposed to get a reminder phone call, that didn’t happen! No appointment. I made it to my hotel room before I burst into tears. The problem was this. EXPECTATIONS. I had all these expectations. Expectations are good and all, but sometimes they can become idols! Silly ones at that. Perfection is the most unrealistic expectation we can have! Whether that be of someone else or ourselves.
There are a ton of expectations I had mostly for myself and you know what not one of them came true! Ironic right! So I went to dinner! AND again was blessed over and above. September spoke on the many faces of motherhood! The women who spoke in the mom panel were AMAZING! I won a prize! All that other stuff melted away. AND THEN……Shaun Groves led worship! PEACE! PEACE was the theme for my weekend! Despite knowing my 6 year old had gotten injured….I slept…PEACEFULLY!
Day two wasAMAZING! I met Stacey and Brooke! Stacey greeted me with a huge hug as though we really had been friends forever instead of a little less than a year…on FB! And then, the most amazing thing happened. I watch a small confrence room grow full…with all seats taken, these moms began to sit on the floor…they filled the floor……there were literally women standing in the hall straining to hear the hope they had to share! It blessed my heart to see I was not alone in my weariness! Again peace filled me! Abundant blessings…amazing testimonies! Joy, Hope, Grace….flooded the weekend….every nook and cranny!
Sometimes as moms we spend Sooooo much time feeding our families, whether in the physical or the spiritual, we forget to feed ourselves! So I encourage you take part in whatever you can! For as one of my professors said……”you can’t give what you don’t have”
BLESSINGS!
